


Moving On

by dS_Tiff



Series: Home [3]
Category: due South
Genre: Case Fic, Friendship, Gen, Old Friends, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-11-03
Updated: 2012-11-03
Packaged: 2017-11-17 16:16:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 16
Words: 51,265
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/553479
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dS_Tiff/pseuds/dS_Tiff
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>RayV and Stella come to visit Fraser in Canada.  RayK and Maggie are having a problem, at least they are in Ray's mind.  Old friends have things to resolve, but then a tragic crime takes place and priorities change.  A sequel to 'Welcome Home' and part of a series, but can also be read as a stand alone story.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Rubberducky100](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rubberducky100/gifts).



> This is part 3 in a series and is a sequel to my previous story 'Welcome Home' although it can easily be read as a stand alone story. Thanks to Rubberducky100 for inspiration, for being my friend and for keeping me going when it looked like this story was never going to end! I hope you enjoy it.

"So, er, ya don't think there's anythin' wrong with my sperm then?" Ray Kowalski tried to speak quietly, but the urgency in his voice still rose over the muted conversations of the people sitting at adjacent tables in the hospital cafe.

Dr Helen Morrell laughed. "Do you want to say that a bit louder? I don't think Dr Soleil heard you!" She nodded over to the elderly medic sitting by the door.

Ray blushed hard. "Sorry," he replied, "it’s just..."

"Ray it’s OK," Helen assured him, "I don't think anyone heard." Ray breathed a sigh of relief. "Ray, I really think it’s far too soon for you to be worrying about this," Helen continued, "you and Maggie have been trying for a baby for...what, three months now?"

Ray nodded. "But I kinda hoped that it woulda happened by now? I'm sure there's somethin' wrong with, er, with me. I mean, when I was with Stella we had a few, y'know, accidents and she never got pregnant. Mind you, she woulda probably killed me if she had!"

Helen smiled. She was used to Ray's insecurities by now. It had been almost a year since she'd first met him and his best buddy Benton Fraser and her life had never been the same. She'd fallen head over heels in love with Ben and now they spent most of their time living at Helen's house in town, although Ben still had his father's cabin out in the wilderness. Ray and Maggie McKenzie, Ben's sister, had been together long enough to have decided to start a family, but Ray...being Ray...was blaming himself for their lack of immediate success.

"Three months is not nearly long enough to start hitting the panic button," Helen explained, "and worrying about it isn't going to help either."

Ray sighed. "I just feel like I'm failin' her?"

"You're not failing her!" Helen exclaimed. "Look, if we're sat here in another, say nine or ten months time having this conversation then we'll think about starting to run some tests, but you do realise that if there is a problem, which we have no reason to believe at the moment that there is, then it’s equally as likely to be Maggie's problem?"

Ray shook his head. "No way, she's perfect," he insisted. Then his head dropped onto the table with a thud and he let out a growl of frustration.

"Ray, listen to me," said Helen, authoritatively, "you need to try to relax, stop worrying about this, otherwise you really won't get anywhere with it. Maybe you and Maggie should go away for a long weekend or something? Take yourselves away from the stresses of work and everyday life and just enjoy yourselves for a few days? It often works in situations like this."

"Really?" Ray lifted his head and frowned, "D'ya think it could be that simple?" He thought about it for a moment. "Y'know, every time we, er, go to bed it’s like I feel, um, like this pressure, or somethin', um, like I gotta get it right this time."

"It doesn't sound very romantic to me," noted Helen, raising her eyebrows. 

Ray shook his head sadly. "Nope," he agreed, "and then, well, then sometimes I, er, I can't..." He trailed off and sighed. He'd never had any problems in bed before and it was beginning to drive him crazy.

Helen understood what he was trying to say. She reached out and squeezed his forearm affectionately. "It’s OK," she smiled reassuringly, "I'm almost certain its all down to this pressure that you've piled on yourself."

Ray forced himself to grin. "Yeah," he said, "I'm sure you're right."

"Of course I am!" she grinned back, "Trust me, I'm a doctor."

Ray laughed at the old cliché.

"I have a leaflet in my office that gives you more advice and ideas, I’ll get one for you," offered Helen.

"Thanks," replied Ray.

"And I'm sure the Inuit must have a remedy, why don't you ask Ben?" suggested Helen with a twinkle in her eye. She knew what his answer would be already.

"No way!" exclaimed Ray.

"But I thought you guys could talk about anything?" continued Helen, teasingly.

"Yeah, anythin' except me havin' sex with his sister," replied Ray, laughing and getting to his feet. "I gotta go, my break was over five minutes ago. Thanks Hel."

"Any time Ray," she replied earnestly, "I should go too, I'm in surgery later." She stood up as well and they quickly embraced, sharing a quick peck on the cheek. "I'll get you that leaflet," Helen reiterated as Ray turned to go, but he hadn't got very far when he had to stop suddenly to avoid a flash of red that had appeared through the door.

"Ah there you both are," Benton Fraser was in full uniform as usual. Helen still couldn't help catching her breath. He was the most beautiful man she'd ever seen and his heart belonged to her.

"I've just heard from Ray," continued Fraser excitedly, "he and Stella have landed safely at Yellowknife. Greg Bureski is going to fly them up when he does the supply run so they should be here this evening, isn't that good news!"

"Greatness," mumbled Ray, sarcastically, "just when I thought my day couldn't get any better." As much as he was happy that his ex-wife had found happiness, he still wished that it wasn't with his best buddy's other best buddy and former partner, Ray Vecchio. He was OK with it really he supposed, but he was more OK with it when they were thousands of miles away in Florida and not coming to visit them in Inuvik. He stomped off without saying another word.

Fraser watched him go with a frown etched across his brow. He turned back to Helen. “Is something wrong with Ray?" 

"He's fine," Helen smiled, "he's just got a few things on his mind, that's all."

"I'm sorry, did I interrupt anything?" Fraser asked.

"No, we were finished," replied Helen.

Fraser's frown turned into a look of concern. "Is everything alright?" He asked, "I mean, there's nothing wrong with Ray is there?"

"He's not sick, if that's what you're asking," she smiled.

Fraser started to breathe a sigh of relief, but before he'd finished his eyes widened and he felt terribly guilty. "Of course you couldn't tell me, even if he was," he said, "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have put you in that position."

Helen laughed at his seriousness. "It’s OK Ben," she reassured him, "Ray's fine and my medical ethics are still intact."

Fraser smiled. "It’s just that I want everything to go well for Ray and Stella's visit, I think I may be suffering from mild anxiety."

"Hey, I do the diagnosing around here," laughed Helen. "Although in this case I agree with your diagnosis and I prescribe a massage to relieve your tension...later." She winked seductively at him.

Fraser felt a surge of electricity through his whole body. His throat was suddenly dry and he ran his index finger around the starched collar of his tunic. "I'll look forward to it," his voice came out a little higher pitched than normal.

Helen laughed and stole a quick kiss from those beautiful Mountie lips as Fraser stood frozen with embarrassment. They may well be lovers, living together as a married couple and it was no secret to anyone, but still Fraser was uncomfortable with public displays of affection. Helen had learnt a long time ago not to take it personally. "I should be back before they arrive," she said, picking up her purse, "but I'll call if I get caught up in anything here."

"Likewise," replied Fraser, having regained control of his faculties. He couldn't wait to see his old friend again. It had been far too long.

XxX

"Sip this slowly," Fraser handed Stella Kowalski a glass of water as he spoke, "and take some deep breaths," he added, studying her with mild concern as he stood in the living room of the house he shared with Helen.

"Thanks," replied Stella, "I'm so sorry Fraser," she added quietly.

"Please, there's no need to apologise," Fraser insisted with a wave of his hand. 

"You'll see the funny side in the morning," laughed Ray Vecchio, rubbing his fiancée’s back slowly from his position next to her on the sofa, "we haven't seen Benny in over a year and the first thing you do is barf on his boots."

“You’ll be fine as soon as your balance has readjusted,” Fraser reassured her.

"Flying has never affected me like this before," said Stella who was starting to feel a little better now.

"You've never been on a small plane before though have you?" Ray pointed out. Stella shook her head. "Last time me and Benny were on a plane like that," continued Ray, "it crashed and I wound up carrying Benny here through the woods and..."

"Ray I'm sure Stella would prefer to go to bed rather than hear that story," interrupted the slightly embarrassed Mountie.

"I've heard that whole story before," Stella snapped, pausing to take another deep breath before adding. "Several times. How Ray single handedly saved your life and stopped the criminal..."

"I don't remember it being quite like that?" Fraser interrupted her, frowning at Ray. 

"Well you did have a head injury," Ray pointed out.

Fraser was just about to say something in his defence when Stella spoke up again, keen to stop her soon to be husband from embarrassing himself with his over exaggerated tales of bravado. "I would really like to go to bed," she said. "Please apologise to Helen for me, I'll look forward to meeting her in the morning.

"Of course," said Fraser, picking up the two largest bags that Ray and Stella had arrived with, "I'll show you to the spare room."

Ray took a moment to survey Helen's house. It was nice to finally see Benny living in a proper home, one with furniture, curtains, pictures on the wall and photographs in frames and even a television. Ray couldn't help smiling at that. 

Fraser returned a few moments later and Ray was still smiling. "It's good to see you again Benny," he said warmly.

"Likewise," replied Fraser, "it appears that we both have a lot to catch up on. Stella's engagement ring is beautiful by the way, you clearly have an eye for diamonds."

"Um," Ray considered lying to his old friend for a brief second, but instead he laughed. "Actually it's not the one I picked out for her, we had to take that one back and exchange it...she really hated it!" He paused in amusement at the slightly startled look on Fraser's face. "It's OK Benny, I didn't mind at all, I just want to make her happy, whatever it takes."

Fraser nodded. "That is an excellent sentiment Ray."

"Believe me, it’s not easy sometimes," Ray continued, grinning, "but boy it’s fun trying! She is the most incredible woman I've ever met, she knows what she wants and she goes for it. You gotta love that in a woman, a bit of fire inside her, y'know?"

"Indeed," replied Fraser, pleased to see his friend so content with his life.

"And hey, I give as good as I get!" shrugged Ray, still grinning. "We have the occasional fight, but...I don't know...it’s kind of exciting? That sounds wrong, I don't mean I like fighting with her, but...well I really look forward to making up, if you know what I'm sayin'!"

Fraser blushed and cleared his throat, nodding profusely. Of course he knew exactly what Ray was referring to.

Ray laughed harder now, "You haven't changed," he smiled, slapping Fraser affectionately on the back. "I guess me and Stella were made for each other, that's what I'm trying to say, it all feels so right. Stella wouldn't want a guy who's a walkover would she?"

"I imagine not," agreed Fraser.

"Talking of which, where is Stanley? And I want to meet that sister of yours too," said Ray with a slight frown.

Fraser frowned too. "You know perfectly well that he goes by Ray," he reprimanded his friend, choosing to over look Ray Vecchio's dig at Stella's ex husband's personality. Ray Kowalski was certainly no walkover, but he and Stella had never really been right together for a number of reasons and they'd allowed their marriage to go on far too long after it had become so damaging. That had caused a lot of hurt for both of them, although now they were both happy with new partners, Fraser hoped that they could put all of that behind them.

The two Rays had only met briefly before, just before Fraser and Ray Kowalksi had left Chicago for Canada and they had never really seen eye to eye. Fraser hoped that his two best friends could learn to get along now. It really meant a lot to him.

Fraser tried to persuade Ray to drink some bark tea, but even after all this time he still steadfastly refused to try it, so instead he made his old friend some of Helen’s coffee and they sat and drank and talked. Ray loved hearing Fraser talk about his new found life of domestic bliss. Of course he was still Fraser, he still got into all kinds of bizarre and crazy situations, invariably dragging Ray Kowalski with him. Ray Vecchio couldn’t help but be jealous of that, as much as he used to grumble and moan his way through all of the adventures he and Fraser used to have in Chicago, he wouldn’t have changed one minute of any of them for the world. Well, perhaps one or two minutes of them, he conceded. Now Kowalski was having all the fun.

“I certainly didn’t expect to meet anyone like her,” Fraser admitted, smiling as he talked about Helen. “I never expected any of this.” He looked around at the place he called home. Maybe his priorities had changed now, he thought, he never realised he could let someone into his life, into his heart and feel so enriched.

"As long as she's treating you right," nodded Ray.

"Well she hasn't tried to kill me yet if that's what you mean," replied Fraser, dryly.

"Sorry," Ray felt instantly guilty, he hadn't meant to bring up the subject of Victoria, but he realised that's exactly what he meant.

"It’s quite alright," Fraser managed a small smile, "I think I may finally be overcoming those demons. Helen has allowed me to feel, um...well, she's allowed me to feel...and that’s something I haven't been able to do properly for a long time."

Ray couldn't help but wish he could overcome his own personal demons regarding Victoria and everything that had happened. He didn't think he'd ever be able to forgive himself for shooting his best friend in the back. Ray put his hand on Fraser's shoulder and squeezed it affectionately. "Hey Benny," he laughed, "we're not getting all mushy here, are we?"

Fraser laughed too and clapped his hand over the top of Ray's. "Of course not," he said and then added. "It is good to see you again my friend."


	2. Chapter 2

"Sorry I've got to rush off again." Helen grabbed a slice of toast from the toaster and roughly spread some butter on it. "It was lovely meeting both of you," she smiled at Ray Vecchio and Stella and took a bite, "I promise I'll be home early tonight and we can get to know each other properly." She was suddenly aware of speaking with her mouth full of toast and she blushed and covered her lips with the back of her hand as a few crumbs escaped. "Sorry," she said, swallowing her breakfast, "I hate performing surgery when I'm hungry."

Ray smiled at her. "It’s OK, don't worry about having to work," he said, "we're here for a whole week, sick people need you more than we do." He liked Helen, from what little he'd seen of her so far. He and Fraser had waited up for Helen to get home and they'd talked for hours while they were waiting and he could tell how much Helen meant to his old friend and the feelings were quite clearly mutual.

"Thanks," Helen was relieved that she hadn't offended Ben's friends by being so late home and then leaving early for work this morning. "I'll try to get a couple of days off, but I can't make any promises." 

"Please don't let us cause you any inconvenience," said Stella as she sipped the cup of herbal tea Fraser had made her. Her stomach was still feeling a little delicate after the travelling yesterday, but now she was just freezing cold and that had taken her mind off almost everything else. Fraser and Helen had been very welcoming, but she wasn't sure how she could last a week here...and she hadn't even seen her ex husband yet.

Just then there was a knock at the door. "That'll be Ray and Maggie," said Helen, gulping down a mug of coffee, "where are my shoes Ben?"

"On the mat," replied Fraser with a smile. "I polished them for you." He wished Helen wasn't always rushing around in the mornings, but he hadn't yet been able to persuade her to get up at 5am with him. In fact, she was doing rather too good a job of teaching him to stay in bed longer for his liking. She could be very persuasive though. 

Helen ran to the door, flung it open and then slipped her feet into her shoes. "Morning," she smiled, "I'm almost ready." She and Ray Kowalski often travelled in to work together when their hours made it convenient. Ray had only taken the job as security guard at the hospital as a temporary measure, just until he could decide what he wanted to do. When he'd first settled in Inuvik he'd not really had any idea where his future lay and whether he could ever stay away from Police work. Then he realised he was good at his new job and so did his superiors, so he was quickly promoted to Head of Security for the hospital.

Now he was loving his new job, he was responsible for the whole security team and that prospect had daunted him to start with but he'd discovered he was very good at it and his team all looked up to him and respected him. The best part about it for Ray though was that he occasionally had to liaise in an official capacity with the local Police and that meant working with Fraser and sometimes with Maggie too, which had taken some getting used to.

"OK," said Ray, "we've got a few minutes." He was unusually quiet this morning and Fraser noticed it immediately of course, but he didn't know what was wrong.

Ray knew exactly why he felt so uncomfortable. This was the moment he'd been dreading ever since Fraser had invited Vecchio and Stella to visit. He didn't know what was making him feel worse, the prospect of seeing his ex wife or of seeing his buddy's old partner and close friend. Ray considered Fraser to be much more than a friend, they were closer than that, they were like brothers. Did his buddy have the same kind of friendship with Ray Vecchio? Fraser didn't seem to think it was a problem, he thought it was fine to have two best friends, but Ray was...what? Jealous? That sounded so petty, he didn't want to be jealous of Vecchio...he took a deep breath and forced a smile. "Hi Stell," he said, walking over to her, "its, er, nice to see ya again. You look, um, well."

Stella rose from her chair and they kissed on the cheek somewhat awkwardly. "Hi Ray," she said. "So do you."

Then Ray smiled and Stella's face softened too and they spontaneously hugged. It felt like the most natural thing in the world and Ray breathed a huge sigh of relief. It really was good to see her and in that one single hug all of his anxieties and worries about seeing her washed away. He still cared deeply for her and that would never change, but he realised now that he was at peace with everything that had happened between them. He was with Maggie now and Stella, while a huge part of his past, would not be featuring in his future and for the first time since their divorce, Ray was perfectly fine with that.

Ray suddenly realised that facing Stella had been the easy part. He turned to the other Ray. "Vecchio," he said, wishing it hadn't come out quite as abruptly as it had.

"Kowalski," replied Ray Vecchio, equally abruptly and they shared a rather awkward handshake.

There was a brief uncomfortable silence which was finally broken by Fraser. “Where’s Maggie?” he asked. He had been expecting his sister to arrive with Ray.

“Oh, she’s gone with Alison Malling up to the Chester’s place, Carol-Ann called in again,” Ray put all thoughts of his animosity with Ray Vecchio to the back of his mind as he thought sadly about Carol-Ann Chester.

“Oh no,” sighed Helen. “Can’t you do something?” she pleaded with Fraser.

“I wish I could,” replied Fraser, “hopefully Constable Malling will be able to talk her into pressing charges this time.” He noticed Ray Vecchio and Stella with puzzled looks on their faces. “Domestic abuse,” he said, by way of explanation.

“Alison was really good with her after the last time,” nodded Helen.

“Yeah, until that creep she calls her husband dragged her out of your Emergency Room,” added Ray, his nostrils flaring with anger.

“That situation could have been a lot worse if you hadn’t been there Ray,” Helen shuddered as she remembered that day. Derek Chester had been full of rage when he’d burst into the room just as Helen had finished stitching Carol-Ann’s face back together for the second time that month. Constable Alison Malling had managed to hold him off until Ray had come running in after one of the nurses had sent a desperate call to Security. Evidently Derek didn’t like the fact that his wife had been telling people about their little secrets. With Ray’s help, Alison had arrested him on the spot, but with his wife refusing to press charges there was little the RCMP could do except release him. 

“Sounds like a tough case,” noted Ray Vecchio.

“Indeed,” agreed Fraser.

“If there’s anything I can do Benny,” Ray Vecchio smiled ruefully, “I mean, it’s not like we haven’t worked this kind of thing before.”

“Thank you kindly Ray,” nodded Fraser appreciatively, “but this is Constable Malling’s case and she has Maggie for back up. Besides you are here on vacation.”

“Yeah and anyway, me and Fraser liaise now,” Ray Kowalski butted in, shifting his weight from one foot to the other, “and we’ve worked plenty of cases together.” He was really trying not to let Vecchio wind him up.

“OK, OK, cool it Stanley,” grinned Ray Vecchio, he’d forgotten just how easy it was to get a reaction from the other Ray, “I was just trying to help.”

“Well maybe we don’t need your help,” the words had left Ray Kowalski’s lips before he had chance to stop himself. “And it’s Ray, I go by Ray. How hard is that to remember?” Stella glared at him. Now he knew he was in trouble.

“Sorry, I didn’t realise you were so touchy,” Ray Vecchio responded snarkily.

“Shut it Vecchio,” snapped the other Ray. This really wasn’t going very well. He and Maggie hadn’t had a very good evening and he hadn’t slept well at all. The strain of not being pregnant yet was beginning to take its toll, particularly on Ray and what made it worse in his eyes was that Maggie didn’t seem worried at all? She was just being nice, he figured, because she knew it was his fault and she didn’t want to make him feel bad. Well he did feel bad and he had never been any good at hiding his feelings. So Vecchio was going to get the brunt of it now, but Ray didn’t care because he deserved it for turning up here and trying to elbow his way back into Fraser’s life.

“Ray we should really get to work,” said Helen, eager to calm things down. She knew how quickly he could blow up and she also knew he was stressed at the moment and a stressed Ray Kowalski was not good for the people around him. Helen kissed a slightly stunned Fraser quickly. “I’ll call you when I get a break,” she smiled lovingly at him.

Ray Vecchio couldn’t help smiling, not just at the obvious love that Helen and Benny had for each other, but for the fact that Kowalski would finally be going. They were here in Canada for one week, just seven days and he wanted to spend that time with his old friend and he wanted Fraser all to himself. It was just too easy to push Kowalski’s buttons and perhaps subconsciously he was deliberately trying to annoy the guy to the point that he kept his distance while he and Stella were there. He didn’t need Kowalski around reminding him exactly who it was that Benny now lived five minutes drive away from. He didn’t need that shoved in his face every five minutes, like it wasn’t hard enough for him already to be thousands of miles away in Florida. 

Not that he would ever dream of moving up here to this frozen hellhole and he knew for a fact that Stella certainly wouldn’t, but he missed Benny, he missed being part of his life. His friend was now far more content that he’d ever seen him before and yet this was the first time he’d even met the woman who’d made all the difference. He’d missed seeing Fraser fall in love with Helen and yet he knew Kowalski had virtually lived every minute of it with him. He knew they talked about things too, about their feelings and emotional stuff that he and Benny never really could, not openly anyway. Sometimes Fraser would mention things during their regular long distance phonecalls, things about how Kowalski had helped him out with something or other and sometimes Ray couldn’t help but be...jealous, he supposed. 

Yeah, he was jealous. If Benny had realised that he would have been really disappointed Ray figured, but it was the truth. Kowalski was only meant to take over his name while he was undercover, he wasn’t meant to take over his whole life, but now his own Ma had virtually adopted the guy and he’d stolen his best friend from under his nose. At least he had Stella now and Kowalski was never getting her back. She loved him and they were good together, Stella and her ex-husband had never been good for each other as far as he could tell. He knew he should just keep his mouth shut, but Ray was enjoying this a little too much. “Bye Stanley, have a nice day,” he smiled sweetly.

“OK what is wrong with you?” Ray Kowalski finally snapped and yelled at the other Ray. “My name is Ray, it ain’t difficult, it’s the same as yours you moron.”

“Ray please,” Fraser spoke quietly, shocked at his friend’s outburst.

“Look, I’m real sorry buddy,” Ray replied, looking sadly at Fraser, he was genuinely sorry that this had happened, “but Vecchio’s been spoilin’ for a fight and now he’s gettin’ one.”

“For goodness sake Ray, just stop it,” Stella joined in now and both Rays looked at her. They both recognised that particular tone of voice. “Well I meant you Ray,” she said, looking at her ex-husband, “but to be honest both of you are behaving like children.”

“Hey, this guy may have borrowed my name for a while, but we’re nothing alike,” Ray Vecchio said sounding quite offended.

“I did not borrow your name, it’s my name too!” Ray Kowalski yelled again, waving his hands around in exasperation, “I’m real sorry if that’s confusin’ for ya.”

“Come on Ray or I’ll be late,” Helen grabbed Ray Kowalski by the arm and tried to drag him out of the house, glancing at Fraser who was looking completely bewildered. 

“I’m not the one who’s confused,” Ray Vecchio wasn’t about to let this go, even though he knew Stella was going to kill him later, “in fact I’d say you were kinda insecure now that I’m back?” 

Ray Kowalski shook himself free of Helen and took a step closer to the man who was deliberately goading him. “You’re not back, you’ve never been here before and you’re not stayin’ Vecchio so don’t ya go gettin’ too comfortable,” he said, clenching his fists.

“Ray this is getting ridiculous!” Stella spoke up again. She glanced at Fraser for some help, but the poor Mountie was at a loss to know what to say. His two closest friends were fighting right in front of him and he didn’t know what to do, the situation was hurting him too much. Stella suddenly felt quite sorry for him.

“Definitely insecure,” Ray Vecchio couldn’t help himself.

Ray Kowalski finally snapped and lunged at the other Ray. Fortunately everyone else reacted quickly, Fraser putting himself between the two Rays as Helen grabbed Ray Kowalski’s elbow and Stella grasped at Ray Vecchio’s arms before he had chance to do anything. 

“OK, get off me Hel,” Ray Kowalski took a deep breath and ran his hand through his hair. Helen gingerly relaxed her hand, glancing at Fraser again, but he was as unsure as she was about how this was going to end. “Ya know Vecchio, er, you and Fraser can do whatever ya like for a couple days,” Ray’s voice was calmer now, “I’m gonna take Maggie away, a friend of hers has a nice place out east.”

“Dirty weekend huh?” Ray Vecchio was grinning again now. Stella glared at him again.

Helen couldn’t help but smile at how close he was to the truth with that comment.

Ray Kowalski looked at Fraser now. Oh god Fraser had that look on his face, that look that made you feel like you’d kicked a puppy. Ray could have kicked himself in the head. He knew how much Vecchio meant to his buddy and...what was this even all about? Vecchio hadn’t done anything to him really? It’s not like he hadn’t realised that the guy was trying to irritate him on purpose, but he’d still reacted and he’d made an idiot of himself. “Fraser, outside,” he mumbled.

Fraser stood frozen to the spot. “Ray, I don’t want to fight with you,” he said quietly.

Ray’s face softened and he managed a small laugh. “Fraser, you freak,” he smiled, “I’m not gonna hit ya, I just wanna talk, y’know, in private.”

“Ah,” Fraser let out a sigh of relief, “right you are.”

“This won’t take a minute Hel,” Ray said as he and his buddy stepped out into the cool morning air, leaving Helen to make excuses for him. He’d have to apologise to her later.

“Ray, is everything alright?” asked Fraser gently. Something was clearly not alright. “I thought you were comfortable with Ray and Stella visiting?”

Ray sighed. “I’m sorry,” he replied, “it’s not them, it’s somethin’ else. It’s kinda personal, its...it’s...look, I’ll tell ya later, OK. Can ya, er, apologise to Vecchio for me?”

“Of course Ray,” replied Fraser, frowning. “I didn’t realise that you and Maggie would be going away?”

“Yeah, well, neither did I until, like, ten minutes ago,” Ray half smiled.

“I’d already arranged to take a few days off work while we have visitors,” continued Fraser, “I’m not sure if the station can spare Maggie too?”

“Oh,” Ray’s face fell, he hadn’t thought of that. “Um, Fraser, do ya think ya could maybe just cover for her for the next two days? I wouldn’t ask if it wasn’t really important buddy.”

Fraser was beginning to worry about Ray and Maggie now. “Of course,” he replied. He’d just have to make it up to Ray Vecchio and Stella during the rest of their visit. “Are you sure there’s nothing that I can help you with?”

Ray laughed. “No Fraser, there’s nothin’ ya can do. We’re OK, it’s all gonna be greatness, but Maggie and me really gotta get away from here, just for one night.”

Fraser nodded. He was very concerned now. Usually Ray talked to him if he was worried about something, but he wasn’t being very forthcoming this time and his behaviour just now was not a good sign. He really hoped that whatever it was, his friend could work through it soon.


	3. Chapter 3

"I'm sorry Ray, I'll just be a few more minutes, I have to complete these," Fraser typed as quickly as he could to get the last of his reports filed. "Then I promise I'll take you and Stella to lunch.”

"It’s OK Benny," smiled Ray Vecchio, "we've got all week, but I figured you'd have less forms to fill in now you're actually living up here?" Ray and Stella had been hanging around the RCMP station for the past two hours. Ray had been loving every minute of it, it was great to be back in the middle of some real Police work, even if it was a lot less chaotic than it had been back in Chicago. 

Stella, on the other hand, was not loving it at all. She'd been flicking through a selection of magazines and drinking coffee to try to keep warm, but all that caffeine had left her even more desperate to go and do something, anything had to be better than sitting in this place and watching Fraser type in that freaky superfast way.

“Proper administration is essential in Police work, no matter which country you reside in,” Fraser pointed out, “I would have thought you of all people would understand that Ray.”

Ray laughed. “Yeah Benny, I know.” Then he turned to look at Stella and winced. It was plain from the look on her face that wasn’t happy. He’d been ignoring her all morning while he buzzed around the station and, in hindsight, that was probably a mistake. “You OK sweetheart?” he asked her.

Stella forced a smile to form on her lips. “Yes,” she replied curtly, “I’m fine. A little cold perhaps?”

“Oh dear, I’m terribly sorry,” said Fraser, leaping to his feet and going to a tall cupboard that stood behind his desk. “Here, put this around your shoulders,” he said pulling out a huge fur coat and holding it out for her.

Stella looked at it in disgust. “Is that...is that real fur?” she asked.

“Of course,” replied Fraser, “it’s handcrafted from caribou.”

“I’m not wearing that,” replied Stella folding her arms across her chest to emphasise her point. “I’m sorry Fraser, it might be OK for the Eskimos to kill animals to make clothes, but it’s totally against my principals.”

“Inuit,” hissed Ray in her ear. “You have to call them Inuit, Eskimos is rude or something.”

“That’s correct,” nodded Fraser. He glanced down at Stella’s feet. “Are those shoes made of leather?”

Stella scowled at him. It felt like she was in court all over again. She was suddenly very glad she’d always been on Fraser’s side.

“If it affects your decision in any way, these animals weren’t simply slaughtered for their fur,” Fraser continued. “The whole carcass would have been used in some way with nothing wasted. The meat for food obviously, but also the bones would have been ground up and used...”

“Fraser,” Stella interrupted him in full flow, “it doesn’t affect my decision. I’m sorry, I don’t mean to offend anyone, but I don’t wear fur.”

“Understood,” said Fraser, putting the coat away. Instead he took his own long overcoat from it’s hanger and passed it to her. “Perhaps this might be preferable?”

Stella gratefully took it from him and slipped it over the numerous layers of clothing she was already wearing. “Thank you,” she said. “Your sister is lovely,” she said, keen to change the subject. “I’m glad we finally got to meet her before she had to leave.” Maggie had briefly come into the station to hand over some files before she and Ray left for their night away.

“Yeah,” agreed Ray, “what did she do to deserve Stanley?” He laughed but then caught Stella glaring at him. “Just kidding Benny,” he added, sheepishly. “Anyway, she seemed as surprised as you were that she was going away for the weekend.”

“I believe it was a last minute decision,” Fraser tried to explain, “a surprise.”

Just then the door of the station burst open and a young teenaged girl stormed in with a face like thunder. “You don’t even care about me at all do you!” She shouted to anyone who’d listen. “The sooner I can leave this stupid frozen town the better!” She went straight past Fraser and into the lunchroom.

“That’s not true young lady,” a female Mountie came hurrying in after her waving her hat in the air for emphasis, “and don’t you dare talk to me like that.” Suddenly she noticed Fraser, Ray and Stella standing there and looked very uncomfortable. “Constable,” she nodded at Fraser, “I do apologise for my daughter’s behaviour...again.”

Fraser smiled warmly. “It’s quite alright Constable Malling,” he said. He was used to the young girl’s hormone fuelled outbursts. “Allow me to introduce you to my good friends, Ray Vecchio and Stella Kowalski. They’re visiting from Florida. Ray and I used to work together when I first went to Chicago on the trail of the killers of my father.”

“Very pleased to meet you. Did you say Kowalski? Are you a related to Ray, um, Maggie’s Ray I mean,” asked Alison Malling. 

“Not any more,” replied Stella curtly. “We used to be married actually.”

“Oh,” Alison didn’t quite know what to say to that. Instead she turned back to Fraser. “She wants to go shopping for clothes and then horse riding. Can you believe it?”

“As I understand it, being thirteen years of age can present some difficult challenges,” replied Fraser sympathetically.

“Jeez I bet you used to sulk like crazy when you were her age,” laughed Ray, “I pity your grandmother if the library book you wanted was out on loan already!”

Alison smiled and relaxed a little. Clearly this man knew Fraser well. Fraser was about to insist that he’d never sulked in his life, when Ray spoke again. “Um, look I know we just met, but Stella here is getting a little bored I think and she loves shopping for new clothes so how about we take your daughter into town for a while? Fraser can vouch for us.” He glanced at Stella with a twinkle in his eye assuming that she’d be pleased with his idea to get her out of the station.

Stella, however, was less than pleased. The last thing she wanted to do was to spend any time with a precocious teenager. No one else appeared to share her opinion it seemed.

“That’s an excellent idea,” replied Fraser, “Sarah can show you around and we’ll meet up later. I really do have a mountain of paperwork to clear now that Maggie is going to be absent for the weekend.”

“I’d be very grateful,” smiled Alison. “I’m quite involved in a case at the moment and I promised that I’d find some information for someone.”

“Carol-Ann Chester?” asked Ray.

“Yes,” replied Alison, somewhat surprised that the American knew of her case. “Sarah is usually very understanding when I have to work, but just lately she seems angry all the time?” Alison stopped and sighed. “My husband passed away when Sarah was a baby,” she explained, “I think Sarah is struggling with that now, it’s never really been an issue before? She thinks life has treated her unfairly and so she’s going to take it out on anyone and everyone.”

“My father died when I was just a little older than your daughter,” said Stella. Fraser was a little surprised, he hadn’t known that before. “I remember how I felt, I remember that I blamed everyone else for him leaving me, especially my mother.”

“Well I couldn’t wait to see the back of my old man, but that’s a different story,” said Ray with a sigh, “let’s just say that Carol-Ann Chester would know exactly what I’m talking about.”

“I see,” Alison understood. “I’m sorry,” she added. 

Ray shrugged. “So,” he said, keen to steer the conversation away from the slightly depressing turn it had taken. “We’d love to take, um...Sarah is it? We’d be happy to take her to lunch and then hit the stores? Wouldn’t we Stella.” Stella nodded, unable to muster enough energy to lie outright.

xXx

“Strawberry milkshake,” Ray Vecchio smiled as he presented Sarah Malling with her drink as they sat in the only diner in town. Sarah responded with little more than a grunt. She didn’t see why she had to be babysat by two total strangers. Ray laughed to himself, he remembered when his sister Francesca had been this age. She had been an absolute nightmare to live with for most of her teenage years, although Ray hadn’t helped matters with his constant teasing, but he figured that’s what big brothers were for.

“So, how do you like school?” asked Stella, very awkwardly. She knew nothing about teenagers, she certainly didn’t know how to make conversation with one, but she assumed school was a good a place to start as any. Surprisingly, she got a response.

“School sucks,” snapped Sarah, slurping milkshake through the green stripy straw that protruded through the pink froth. “At least it does in this stupid town. I want to go to school in the States. You have much better schools than we do.”

“That depends on the school,” noted Stella. “There are bad schools and good schools wherever you are.”

“But I’m not going to get into Harvard by graduating with snow mobile repair and basket weaving, am I.” Sarah sighed into her milkshake. Then she noticed Ray’s puzzled expression and laughed. “I was kidding,” she said, “we do regular subjects, but it’s a tiny school and there’s nothing there for me. The classes are all mixed age groups, its dumb. They just expect everyone to stay up here in the Territories forever, but I have plans for my life, you know.”

“It’s tough to get into Harvard,” Ray pointed out, “what do you want to study?”

“Law,” replied Sarah with determination, “I want to be a lawyer, not round here though, I mean in New York or somewhere.”

Ray smiled at Stella. He could see that she was starting to like this girl now.

“I’m a lawyer,” said Stella, earning a surprised look from the teenager. “I’ve taken some time out while we built up our business, but I’ve just applied for my licence to practice in Florida.”

“Cool,” grinned Sarah. “Well can you tell my Mum that I’d make a great lawyer and then maybe she’ll cut me some slack. She still treats me like a baby. I’m thirteen, I’m old enough to go away to school.”

“It must be hard for her to be raising you on her own,” suggested Ray, “maybe she just doesn’t want to see you get hurt.”

“I don’t want to get hurt either,” retorted Sarah, “I just want to get educated. And I’m going to ...somehow. I just have to get some money together and then I can take a scholarship test and get myself into a good school in New York.”

“You’ve got it all worked out haven’t you,” smiled Stella. She admired her determination. It reminded her of how she was at that age.

They finished their lunch and went shopping. Alison had given Sarah some money to spend on clothes, but Ray and Stella couldn’t help treating her to one or two extra things too. When they finally got back to the station, Sarah was like a totally different girl to the stroppy thirteen year old that had left only a few hours earlier. Alison happily listened as her daughter told her all about her afternoon. “Stella has great fashion sense,” said Sarah excitedly. “Look, she said I should buy this jacket because of my long legs, it makes me look more evenly proportioned.” Sarah slipped on her new jacket and Alison had to admit it looked really good on her little girl.

“Thank you so much for taking her out,” Alison smiled gratefully at Ray and Stella. “Please let me give you the money for the extra things.”

“No you don’t,” Ray dismissed her offer with a wave of his hand. “They were our treat.” He smiled at Stella. He’d seen a side of his fiancée this afternoon that he’d never seen before. She’d really warmed to Sarah during their trip and they’d enjoyed trying on clothes together and talking about different styles. Ray was happy just to take a back seat and produce his credit card when it was required. There weren’t that many places in Inuvik which sold clothes that Sarah liked, but with Stella’s help she’d found plenty of things to make her happy.

“So can we go horse riding tomorrow?” Sarah asked Stella. “Stella rides too,” she explained to her mother.

Alison looked apologetically at Stella. “I’m sorry, I think she’s getting a little over enthusiastic,” she said. Then she turned to her daughter. “Ray and Stella have come a long way to visit Constable Fraser, they’ve been very kind this afternoon, but don’t start taking advantage.”

“Oh no it’s fine,” smiled Stella, “we’ve already spoken about it. I’m quite looking forward to it actually, it’s been a long time since I was on a horse.” Ray didn’t look quite so keen. He tolerated Diefenbaker, but that was about his limit when it came to animals.

Just then Fraser appeared. “Ah, there you are,” he beamed. “Helen has just telephoned me, she is leaving the hospital right now and I have finished here too so we should be getting home.” He regarded everyone’s happy faces for a moment and the pile of shopping bags that lay strewn over the floor, before adding, “I’m glad you all had a productive afternoon.”

xXx

Ray pulled up the jeep outside the tiny cabin that Maggie’s friend Nancy had kindly let him use for the weekend at very short notice. The offer had always been open and although Nancy had expected a little more warning, she was happy to give Ray the key. It hadn’t been easy for Ray to persuade Maggie’s boss to let her have the time off, but as Fraser had offered to cover for her then there was little the Inspector could do about it.

Maggie had been very surprised when Ray called her at the station and told her the news. He had been very cagey about the details, but had simply told her that they were going away for the night and that he’d packed her things already and would pick her up in half an hour. Maggie wasn’t one for surprises usually, but she’d learned to love Ray’s spontaneous side. She loved everything about Ray Kowalski.

“This place looks lovely,” she said, surveying the cabin from the outside as Ray pulled their bags from the car.

“Yeah,” mumbled Ray. Actually he hadn’t even noticed what the outside of the place looked like. He fumbled in his pocket for the key and muttered an expletive when he accidentally dropped in on the ground.

“Ray,” Maggie was concerned about him. He’d been unusually quiet on the journey. It had taken them a couple of hours to drive here from Inuvik and wasn’t at all like Ray to be so quiet for so long.

“What?” snapped Ray, but then he let out a slow breath. “Sorry,” he mumbled, unable to make eye contact with her, “I just wanna get inside.”

Maggie decided to give him some space, figuring that he’d tell her in his own time what all this was about. 

They quickly made themselves at home and Maggie brought in some logs to build a fire. Ray boiled water for coffee. He needed coffee and lots of it. This was meant to be a relaxing trip, but right now he felt more tense than ever. This was all Vecchio’s fault, he thought to himself. Then he hung his head. No of course it wasn’t, this was nothing to do with Ray Vecchio. He reached into the back pocket of his jeans and pulled out the leaflet that Helen had given him the day before. ‘Try to maintain a healthy diet and take regular exercise.’ Ray read the first page again. It all sounded so easy? He got plenty of exercise and his diet had completely changed since he was living in Chicago and surviving on pizza and take outs. ‘Relax and enjoy making love with your partner.’ He read. This was stupid. It was easy for some moron to write a list of ideas, but putting them into practice was a whole different matter. Ray skipped over the page about calculating the exact day of ovulation this time. He’d had to look up the word ‘ovulation’ in the dictionary yesterday and that, together with the diagrams in the leaflet, had totally freaked him out. He nearly jumped out of his skin when he felt Maggie’s hand touching his shoulder.

“Ray, what’s wrong?” she asked him gently. The she saw he had something in his hand. “What have you got there?” she asked, puzzled that he would be trying to hide something from her.

“Nothin’,” he answered, shaking her hand from his shoulder and walking away from her.

Now Maggie was starting to get upset. Why couldn’t he talk to her about whatever it was that was obviously causing him some anguish? And why had they come all this way? “Ray, please,” her voice cracked and she followed him out of the kitchen and reached out for his hand.

Ray stopped and let her slip her hand into his. He gripped it tightly and showed her the leaflet. Maggie was completely shocked. “Ray, where did you get this?” she asked softly.

“Helen,” replied Ray. “I talked to her yesterday about...well, about me not, um...I mean, I think there’s somthin’ wrong with me isn’t there.”

“Is that what Helen thinks?” asked Maggie with concern.

“Nope,” replied Ray with a sigh, “she thinks it’s too soon to worry and, er, she thinks I’m puttin’ too much pressure on myself.”

“She’s right,” smiled Maggie, “you’re worrying about this far too much. Really we haven’t been trying for that long have we.”

“That’s what Helen said,” admitted Ray. “She, um, she said I should relax and, er, y’know, maybe that might fix things.”

Maggie opened the leaflet and began to read through it. “Was it Helen’s idea to come here?” she asked.

“Sorta,” nodded Ray, “she thought if we could get away from all the, er, all the stress we have at home, with work and stuff, well she said that could be good for us.”

“Well in that case will you stop being so stressed out!” Maggie exclaimed. “If we’re here to relax then you need to relax.” She pulled him by the hand and led him to a chair. “Sit down,” she instructed and Ray complied. Then she started to massage his shoulders. “Good grief Ray, I’ve never felt so many knots,” she said as her capable hands manipulated the muscles in his neck. 

Ray let out a low moan. He was worse than he realised. No wonder he was failing so spectacularly in the bedroom. Maggie continued to work her magic and he began to feel the tension melt away. “That’s good babe,” he said, groaning as he dropped his chin on his chest, “really good.”

Maggie leaned forward and kissed the spot on his neck where she’d been working just moments earlier. “I love you,” she whispered, “this is the most romantic place I’ve ever been. So let’s practice this baby making thing as much as we can.”

Ray lifted his head and looked into her beautiful eyes. “Startin’ right now?” he asked, hopefully.

Maggie began to unbutton his shirt and smiled. “Right now,” she agreed.


	4. Chapter 4

“Is there anything else we can get him on?” Alison Malling was pouring over the Chester file and eating breakfast at her desk. She was really struggling to understand how Carol-Ann Chester was prepared to let her life continue this way. Her husband regularly beat her, sometimes causing serious injuries such as the deep gash that Helen had treated recently. Sometimes he tied her up and yelled at her, telling her that she was worthless and stupid. Then the next minute he would beg for her to forgive him and promise he was going to change. He’d buy her flowers and chocolates and blame all his troubles on money worries, or whatever other excuse he could think of. “Doesn’t this just seem all wrong to you? We have a duty to protect someone here.”

“Of course we do,” agreed Fraser, “but Mr Chester is very good at playing the system unfortunately. I’m still waiting for a telephone call from his accountant though, perhaps something will come out of that.”

“But I don’t want to arrest him for fraud,” Alison slammed her coffee mug down on her desk causing coffee to splash out. 

“If we can hold him on fraud charges, at least overnight, then I’m confident that Carol-Ann will find the strength to come forward about everything else,” said Fraser seriously. “You’re getting through to her Constable, just keep doing what you’re doing, you’re saying all the right things.”

“It doesn’t feel like it,” sighed Alison, “it feels like I should be saving her from all this and yet every time I have to walk away and leave her there with him. I told her she doesn’t even have to press charges, she could just leave him and get as far away from here as possible, but it’s like he’s in her head and she’s so terrified of him that it’s easier for her to stay and get hurt again than cope with what might happen if she did left.”

“You should speak with Stella Kowalski,” Fraser suggested, “she has vast experience of successfully prosecuting perpetrators of domestic violence. She may be able to offer some advice, or perhaps she could speak with Mrs Chester in an unofficial capacity.”

Alison nodded. “Thanks, I might do,” she smiled, “she seems very focussed, hopefully she can tell me where I’m going wrong. I’m so grateful to her for taking Sarah riding this morning by the way, although your friend Ray didn’t look quite as excited at the prospect as they did.” 

Fraser laughed. “Ray isn’t really an animal person,” he explained. 

“Sarah hasn’t stopped talking about Stella, she really likes her,” continued Alison.

“I must say I’m pleased if somewhat surprised at their burgeoning friendship,” admitted Fraser, “Ray is excellent around young people, he has a large family and I assumed he would be the one to entertain young Sarah the most.”

“I think Sarah respects and admires her,” explained Alison, “Stella is someone to look up to, she has a successful career, a loving fiancé and a good life. Everything that Sarah wants...” then her face fell before she added, “Everything I can’t give her here.”

Fraser looked at her with sympathy. “You know that’s not true,” he said.

Alison sighed. “Maybe, but it sure feels that way sometimes. You know, I think this is why the Chester case is getting to me so much. Carol-Ann has wasted nearly twenty five years of her life with that bastard. They never had children, he wouldn’t let her earn her own money so she’s done nothing with her life. Sarah has all this ambition and I’m holding her back by living here. There’s some kind of weird guilt association thing going on in my head, I’m sure. Maybe if I can free Carol-Ann then she can still make something of herself, she’s still young. Oh Fraser, I don’t even know what I’m saying, I’m sorry...

Fraser frowned. He wasn’t exactly sure what Alison was talking about, it wasn’t making much sense to him. “The Chester case has nothing to do with your family circumstances.” He narrowed his eyes as he spoke, something about the way Alison was talking was concerning him. He hadn’t realised it before, but she was troubled.

Alison caught the look. They’d only been working together for a few months, but she knew Fraser’s warning look by now. “I know, I know,” she tried to smile, “don’t get too personally involved. It’s not easy Fraser.”

Fraser shook his head. “No it isn’t,” he agreed. “If there’s anything you wish to talk about...” he began, but then thought better of it. “Just...be careful, please.” He urged.

xXx

“Jesus! It’s doing it again!” exclaimed Ray Vecchio. “Stella! Sarah! Wait for me! I can’t get this dumb horse to stop eating.” Ray tugged at the reigns in his hands, but the horse steadfastly refused to give up his breakfast.

Stella and Sarah competently brought their own horses to a standstill and turned back to look at Ray, laughing at the sight of Ray’s mount munching happily at some vegetation. “You’re still not sitting right,” Sarah called out to him, “and you’re holding the reigns too tightly. He won’t want to do anything for you like that.”

Ray muttered something under his breath and tried to sit properly in the saddle like they’d shown him. Riding horses was stupid, he decided, he should have let the girls go for a ride on their own and hung around the station with Fraser, he thought to himself. Suddenly his ride decided that he’d had enough to eat and starting trotting to join the others. “Woah! Digby slow down!” Ray yelled as he held on for dear life as Sarah and Stella laughed. Fortunately Digby decided to stop as soon as he had caught up with his stablemates.

Sarah reached out and took hold of Digby’s reigns, holding them together with her own horse’s, just in case. “I made sure you had the gentlest horse,” she said, still laughing at Ray’s terrified face, “Digby’s a darling,” she stroked his mane, “he just doesn’t understand what you want him to do. Would you like me to show you again?”

Ray grumbled his way through Sarah’s quick lesson and he eventually got the idea, at least enough to make Digby stop and go when Ray wanted and not the other way around. 

“How often do you get to do this?” asked Stella, shivering. The sun was out, but there was a light covering of snow on the ground and even though she was wearing several layers, the chill was still penetrating all of them.

“Not that much,” replied Sarah with a sigh. “When Mum’s working I usually go to a neighbour’s house. I’ve been going there for years, I call her Granny, but she’s not really my Granny. My grandparents are all dead. Anyway, she’s too old now to take me riding, but Mum and I come up here sometimes.” She looked at Stella with concern now. “Are you cold?” She asked and Stella shrugged. “You should wear a layer of fur, that’s what Mum tells me anyway. I find that kinda creepy though. Wearing something that died I mean.”

Stella smiled. “I agree with you. I understand that things are done differently up here and it’s not cruel or inhumane in the same way as the commercial fur trade, but even so...” 

“Perhaps we should be getting back?” suggested Sarah a little despondently.

“No I’m fine really,” lied Stella. The last thing she wanted was to sit around the station any longer. She was really quite annoyed with her ex-husband for insisting Fraser go into work this weekend. She could see that whatever it was between him and Maggie was quite important though, but he could have dealt with it some other way so as not to screw up their visit, she thought to herself.

They spent all morning in the saddle. Sarah took them to some of her favourite places and even Stella began to appreciate the beauty of some of the more remote locations, even though she was getting colder by the minute. 

Ray started to feel as though he’d never walk again, but he didn’t want to admit it and he was pleased to see that his fiancé was enjoying herself. He wished he was spending time with his old friend though. As nice as Sarah was, this wasn’t why he’d travelled all the way from Florida. He and Stella had made a good life for themselves and they’d built up their business to be very successful, but he couldn’t deny that he really missed Police work and more importantly, he really missed working with Benny. The more time went on, the more he was able to put behind him all of things he’d dealt with while undercover as Armando Langoustini and the opportunity to run the bowling alley couldn’t have come at a better time for him and had been the perfect distraction while he readjusted to life as himself, but now that the business was going so well he was starting to get restless. Stella had decided to return to practicing law, a decision he fully supported and while he couldn’t really return to being a cop after being forced to retire on health grounds, he’d had this idea to maybe set himself up as a private investigator. He wanted to talk it through with Benny though and he hadn’t had the opportunity to even mention it yet. He hoped they’d get more time together when Kowalski and Maggie were back.

xXx

“Mmmmm...” Maggie reacted to Ray’s touch. He could reduce her to a quivering wreck with just a single touch. 

“So ya are awake then?” smiled Ray as he caressed her bare skin.

“I am now,” Maggie’s eyes flickered open. “I haven’t slept that well in a long time.”

“Nor me,” grinned Ray and he kissed her neck, just beneath her right ear where he knew she loved it. Maggie shuddered with delight again.

“Are you trying to seduce me again?” Maggie giggled.

“Hey, we’re, er, already in bed, I think we’re way past seducin’?” Ray placed a delicate row of kisses along her shoulder.

“I love you,” Maggie breathed, “we should definitely do this more often.”

“Sex ya mean?” Ray looked a little puzzled. “Well I’m all for that.”

Maggie laughed. “I meant have romantic weekends away,” she explained, “we both work too hard and I guess it affects us more than we realise.” She sighed and shrugged Ray away as she sat up in the bed. Ray looked hurt and she smiled at him reassuringly. “You know, when we have a baby,” she began, running her fingers through his hair, “we’re going to have to make some changes. We can’t work all the time like we do now.”

Ray sat up too now and pulled her into a hug. “It’s OK, I already thought about that,” he said, nuzzling into her neck with some more kisses, “I’m gonna quit workin’ and be a full time dad.”

Maggie couldn’t help smiling. “Ray you wouldn’t last five minutes,” she said, but then she caught Ray’s crestfallen look as he released her from his arms and she felt guilty. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it like that,” she said kissing the top of his head, “I have every faith in you, I know you’d give it everything and you’ll be a great father, but what I mean is that you wouldn’t be able to give up your career and I wouldn’t want you to.”

“Well ya can’t quite bein’ a Mountie?” said Ray, “ya just can’t?”

“I don’t want to,” replied Maggie, “we’ll work something out, I know we will.”

“Yeah,” agreed Ray, “so, um, I guess now we should get breakfast?”

“Are you hungry?” Maggie frowned. They’d cooked up a huge meal in the middle of the night when they’d finally managed to drag themselves out of the bed where they’d been all evening and she still felt quite full. 

“Er, no,” smiled Ray, “actually I was kinda hopin’ we could...” his voice trailed off and he slithered down under the covers. Maggie squealed with pleasure.

xXx

Ray Vecchio knew something was wrong as soon as he walked back into the RCMP station. Benny’s face gave it away. “Benny?” said Ray urgently as he peeled off layers of clothing. Benny just silently shook his head. Oh god this is bad, really bad, thought Ray, oh no, it’s not his sister is it? Or Kowalski? Why are you just standing there like a statue Benny?

Fraser stood almost at attention and watched as Stella and Sarah took off their riding boots. His breathing was shallow and he deliberately avoided making eye contact with Ray. Sarah and Stella were chattering excitedly about horses and laughing as Sarah recounted how much trouble Ray’s horse had given him...but Fraser wasn’t listening.

Ray grabbed him by the arm. “Benny, what is it? What happened?” he whispered. Fraser still couldn’t speak. He turned and looked Ray in the eye and that’s when Ray knew and his blood ran cold...he recognised that look, it was the face you put on when...oh no...

“Sarah,” Fraser finally broke his silence.

“Can I get some hot chocolate?” asked Sarah.

“No Sarah, I need to speak to you first,” Fraser stopped and swallowed hard, adding softly, “it’s important.”

Sarah was about to complain, but Ray spoke now. “Come on, sit down,” he urged, taking the young girl’s hand and leading her to a chair. Now Stella was worried, the tone of Ray’s voice was so serious. She glanced at her fiancé, but the look she got in return was agonising.

Sarah was bewildered. She could tell something was going on, but she had no idea what it was and she looked from Ray to Fraser for some kind of explanation, but got nothing. Ray silently crouched beside her chair and took hold of her hand and now Sarah began to get scared.

“Sarah,” Fraser stood in front of her and began his well rehearsed speech. The speech that he used far too often and each time he used it he hoped he’d never have to use it again, but his hope had been crushed once more and this time it was in the worst possible way. “I’m so sorry to have to tell you this, but there’s been an incident...a shooting...and I’m afraid your mother is dead.”


	5. Chapter 5

“Run it past me again Benny,” Ray Vecchio rubbed at his forehead as he mulled over the little they knew about what had happened.

Fraser stared despondently into his mug of tea and sighed before answering. “Constable Malling went to the Chester property alone on an unauthorised visit, off the clock as you might say,” he began, reciting the facts, “whilst there with Mrs Chester, an unknown assailant armed with what appears to have been a hunting rifle, opened fire, killing Constable Malling and severely injuring Carol-Ann Chester.”

Ray let out a slow breath. “Unknown assailant?” he raised his eyebrows and looked at Fraser, “you mean Derek Chester, the violent husband.”

“Ray there is no evidence at all to support that theory at this juncture,” replied Fraser, placing his mug down and getting to his feet. 

“Come on Benny,” said an exasperated Ray, “we all know who did this. It’s obvious isn’t it!”

Fraser looked down at his friend disapprovingly. “You know perfectly well Ray that nothing is obvious in a situation like this. We will gather evidence and draw conclusions based on...”

“Benny,” Ray interrupted him, “I know how a murder investigation works.” He closed his eyes briefly, regretting the rather abrupt way that had come out. “Hey Benny,” he said, his voice much softer now. “I’m sorry, OK.”

“Thank you Ray,” replied Fraser, “and I apologise for dismissing your advice. Obviously Derek Chester is the chief suspect and we have people out there looking for him. The fact that he’s now disappeared only adds to his appearance of guilt.”

“Exactly,” agreed Ray, walking over to join Fraser by the window, “but what I meant was, I’m sorry...about Alison Malling.”

“Oh,” Fraser replied quietly. “Thank you kindly Ray.” He sighed. “She was a good Police officer.”

“And a friend,” added Ray. Fraser just nodded silently. “Look, Benny,” Ray continued, “we’ve both been here before haven’t we. I know you feel like crap right now, but it gets easier doesn’t it.” 

Fraser nodded again. 

“So right now let’s focus on catching this cop killing bastard. Should we go up to the murder scene now or wait until morning?” Ray was starting to get carried away. “I guess you’ve got forensics people up here? Tell me you do Benny. I mean you don’t have to wait until they arrive by dogsled from two hundred miles away or anything?”

Fraser managed a tiny smile. “Yes, indeed we do have our own forensics experts Ray and there is a team there as we speak gathering evidence. I appreciate your offer of assistance, but you are a civilian. This is my case, mine and Maggie’s. There is a dangerous fugitive on the loose and you should not get involved.”

Ray smiled now too. “How about if we call it liaising?” he suggested.

Fraser couldn’t help but be touched by his friend’s offer. “You and Stella are meant to be here on vacation,” he pointed out.

“Yeah and you were meant to be taking time off to show us around, that ain’t gonna happen now is it Benny,” Ray replied, “so the least I can do is help.” 

Before Fraser could protest any more, the bedroom door opened and Stella walked out. “She’s sleeping again,” she announced. Sarah had been quite understandably distraught since the news of her mother’s death, going from bouts of hysterical weeping to unbreakable stony silence. Her grief was so raw and so painful and she had no idea how to cope. Fraser hadn’t hesitated in bringing her home with them and eventually she’d cried herself to sleep. After an hour or so she’d awoken, calling out for Stella, who had sat with her for a while, talking to her and feeling generally helpless.

“Thank you,” acknowledged Fraser, “she was most specific in her request that you sit with her.”

“She probably just wanted female company,” Stella replied dismissively. “I really didn’t know what to say to her.”

“I’m sure you did just fine sweetheart,” smiled Ray.

“Have you heard from Helen yet?” asked Stella, “how is Mrs Chester?”

“Not yet I’m afraid,” sighed Fraser, “I was hoping to have heard by...” but before he could finish his sentence the front door opened and an exhausted Helen stepped inside. “Good lord, why didn’t you telephone me,” Fraser walked over to her and pulled her into a hug, “I could have driven you home.”

Helen held onto him tightly while she tried to compose her thoughts. “Sorry,” she said eventually, “I thought the walk might do me good.”

“What happened?” asked Ray urgently, “Carol-Ann Chester...is she...?”

Helen broke away from Fraser’s strong arms. “She came through the surgery,” she announced, “I think she’s going to be OK.” Everyone in the room let out a sigh of relief. At least Alison Malling hadn’t died in vain, she’d laid down her life to save Carol-Ann’s. Then Helen spoke in a low voice. “Ben, can I have a word in private?” She looked apologetically at Ray and Stella.

Fraser frowned and led Helen out to the kitchen. “What is it?” he asked.

“Carol-Ann Chester was pregnant,” Helen explained, “now I know I probably shouldn’t be telling you this, but I thought it might have a bearing on the investigation.”

“Indeed,” Fraser nodded, choosing not to think too much about where he stood on Helen’s Hippocratic oath. “You said ‘was’?”

Helen nodded sadly. “There was nothing I could do, she’d miscarried before she even got to the hospital. My guess is she was around ten weeks along. I don’t know what the significance is, but it just feels like it’s important.”

“Constable Malling did not mention that,” Fraser pondered, “I assume Mrs Chester hadn’t shared the information with her.”

“Either that or she didn’t know herself,” Helen suggested, “there’s no record of her visiting a healthcare professional about it yet. She might have been unaware. At forty six, the usual symptoms could have been dismissed as many other things.”

Fraser nodded as they walked back to join their friends. “I’m sorry,” Helen apologised to them, “I should probably cook something, but I really need to take a shower first.”

“Hey, don’t worry about feeding us,” smiled Ray, “you must be exhausted.”

Helen nodded. Right now she was running on fumes, she and the team had battled so hard to save Carol-Ann. Her injuries were extensive, but the combined efforts of the team had pulled her through. “Um, she arrested you know,” said Helen, turning back from heading to the bathroom, “in the OR, the blood loss...anyway, Barry Pritchard wanted to call it, but I wouldn’t let him. I wasn’t going to let her die, not after...” her voice trailed off. She hadn’t known Alison that well. They’d both lived in the same town for many years of course and their paths had crossed professionally on occasion and, more recently, she’d spoken to her more often since Ben was working with her, but she didn’t really know her at all and now it was too late. It all seemed such a senseless waste of life.

Ray suddenly felt compelled to walk over to her and give her a hug. “I couldn’t do what you do every day,” he said, full of admiration for this amazing woman who had taken Benny’s heart.

“I couldn’t do what you and Ben do either,” she replied, her voice still a little shaky.

“I run a bowling alley,” Ray pointed out and Helen couldn’t help but smile. After everything she’d heard about him from Ben, in her mind he was still a cop.

xXx

“We should hit the road,” sighed Ray, gently stroking Maggie’s hair.

“Do we have to?” asked Maggie with a sigh. She wanted to stay here with Ray forever. They’d had the most wonderful time, most of it in bed. She giggled to herself, just one night away had been so good for both of them and Ray was certainly not having any problems in the bedroom department any more, far from it. If I’m not pregnant after this...Maggie deliberately stopped that train of thought. She was not going to allow herself to start worrying about falling pregnant, Ray had been doing enough worrying for the both of them so far.

Ray kissed the top of her head. “We’ll come back soon, I promise ya,” he said.

“I need to get back to work anyway,” agreed Maggie, “it wasn’t fair of you to ask Benton to work while Stella and Ray are visiting,” she sat up and frowned at Ray. “You shouldn’t have done that and more importantly you shouldn’t have lied to me about it.”

Ray looked a little sheepish. “Yeah, er, sorry,” he mumbled, “but it was an emergency.”

Maggie wasn’t really mad with him, his heart had been in the right place and it was typical of Ray to make everything seem ten times worse than it actually was. They would make it up to Benton and to Ray and Stella when they got home somehow. “Let’s go,” she said, “it’ll be dark soon and I’m concerned that the temperature has dropped by seven degrees in the last hour, driving conditions are likely to become hazardous if the weather continues to deteriorate.”

Ray grinned at her. “Ya sound like Fraser again,” he said, “kinda freaks me out!”

Maggie smiled. She admired her brother so much and she was incredibly proud of him. If she could be half the person he was she’d be happy.

Ray picked up his cell phone. “I guess I should switch this thing back on,” he sighed. He’d purposely turned it off before they’d left Inuvik, he hadn’t wanted to be disturbed by some stupid issue at the hospital. Sometimes he hated the amount of administrative work that came as part of being the head of his department. He’d never once imagined himself as the boss, especially not while he was still a cop. He thought of Lieutenant Welsh and how much he'd always respected him. Ray never thought he'd be in a similar position, but his security team seemed to at least listen to what he told them, so he figured he must be doing something right. He clicked on the phone and breathed a sigh of relief as there were no messages. "OK babe, pitter patter," he said, picking up his jacket and tucking the phone into his pocket. "I already put the bag in the car, but I..." he was interrupted by his phone ringing. He let out an exasperated growl. "Knew I shouldn't have turned the damn thing on," he muttered as he connected the call. "Kowalski," he snapped.

"Ah, hello Ray, it's me, Benton Fraser," Ray relaxed slightly as he heard his buddy's voice. He couldn't help but laugh at the way Fraser always felt he had to formally introduce himself, as if Ray wouldn't recognise his voice after all this time. "I'm so glad you answered, I've been having terrible trouble getting through."

"Oh," Ray felt a little guilty then, "yeah, er, well, y'know the, er, the reception on this thing ain't all that great up here," which was actually true. The RCMP generally relied on radio communication, in fact he was one of the few local residents who had a mobile phone and whilst the signal was OK in town, you didn't have to go that far out for it to be very unreliable. “Maggie and I are just leavin’ for home buddy, what’s up?”

“Oh, well I’m sorry Ray, I don’t want to delay your journey, but I’m afraid I have some bad news,” Fraser paused for breath, “I wanted you to hear it from me first.”

Ray’s heart was in his mouth as Fraser went on to tell him the terrible news about Constable Malling. “Jesus...” Ray let out a slow breath as the news sunk in. He briefly retold the story to Maggie. “Er, thanks for tellin’ me. We’ll be home in a couple hours. Tell, um, tell Sarah we’re thinkin’ of her and, er, I’m sorry buddy.”

Ray turned sadly and looked at Maggie. This wasn’t how he wanted their wonderful weekend to end at all. Tears streamed down her face and Ray held her tightly. “I’m so sorry babe,” he said quietly. He hadn’t really known Alison Malling that well, but he knew Maggie and her had worked a lot of cases together. Ray thought back to the time he’d lost a partner. Jerry Strasberg had just been in the wrong place at the wrong time, there was nothing anyone could have done, but it hurt like hell, kinda like losing a part of yourself.

They drove all the way back to Inuvik in virtual silence.

xXx

Fraser was chopping carrots when he heard he bedroom door open. He steeled himself, Sarah didn’t need to see how upset he was, not now. 

“Hi Fraser,” Sarah’s voice was quiet, but she was clearly making an effort to be cheerful.

“Hello,” he replied. The natural thing to do next would be to ask how she was feeling, but in the circumstances it was a stupid question. “Can I get you anything?” he asked instead.

“Where is everyone?” she asked.

“Helen is resting and Ray and Stella went out for a walk,” he explained.

“Stella feels the cold,” Sarah pointed out. “They’re avoiding me aren’t they.”

Fraser stopped chopping and walked over to Sarah. “Not in the least,” he smiled, “I think they just needed some air.”

Sarah shrugged, not really believing him. “Am I going to be staying here?” she asked. “Coz I should go and get some of my stuff from home, clothes and my school books, y’know.”

“You’re welcome to stay for as long as you need,” Fraser smiled. 

“Then what?” she asked. “I mean, do I have to go to a kids home, or will I go to a foster family? I assume there’s a waiting list...can I choose where I go? I guess I can’t go to New York, but maybe there’s a family in Ottowa or Toronto who might take me on?”

“Sarah, Sarah, slow down,” Fraser held up his hand to stop her talking. “You don’t have to worry about any of that now.” He was somewhat pleased to see her thinking practically, but he knew it was too soon, she wasn’t ready for this yet.

“When do I have to worry about it then?” Sarah replied, folding her arms across her chest sulkily. “After the funeral? When you get sick of me? When?”

Fraser sighed. Living with teenager for a while wasn’t going to be easy and Sarah was grieving, her emotions were going to be all over the place. “Listen to me, you don’t have to go anywhere for now, but eventually, when the time is right, we will help you and support any decision you make.”

“I have money now,” Sarah pointed out, “I mean, my Mum had insurance and I get all that don’t I so I’m going to start applying for scholarships. My Mum was the only thing holding me back in this stupid town and now she’s gone, so there’s nothing here for me. I can finally get on with my life.” 

Fraser didn’t reply. He knew she hadn’t meant it to sound that way at all and he knew exactly what was coming next. Moments later, as she broke down again, all he could do was hug her tightly.


	6. Chapter 6

“Sarah will be up soon, I think you should put these away now,” Helen lifted the pile of photographs from the table, deliberately refusing to look at them and replaced them with plates of waffles.

“Sorry,” Ray Vecchio looked at Fraser as he spoke, “she’s right Benny, the last thing we want is for the kid to see these.”

“Right you are,” agreed Fraser, taking them from Helen and carefully placing them back in the file. He and Ray had been pouring over the crime scene photographs and the reports filed late last night by the two RCMP Constables who’d been first on the scene. Carol-Ann had managed to crawl to the radio and send an SOS message before she’d slipped into unconsciousness. The photographs of Constable Malling had been difficult to look at of course, but Fraser had forced himself to stop thinking like a friend of the victim, he was a Police officer investigating a homicide, just like he’d done hundreds of times before. 

According to the details in the report, the sketches of the scene and the photographs, Sarah’s mother had drawn her own weapon and fired just a single shot before being killed instantly by a single bullet that had penetrated her heart. The trail of blood suggested Carol-Ann Chester sustained her two gunshot wounds to the leg while standing immediately behind the place where Alison fell. They’d know more when they spoke to her of course, but they were fairly certain that Alison had stepped in front of Carol-Ann to protect her from harm.

“So what are the chances of us getting to speak to the other victim today?” Ray asked Helen.

With a glance at Fraser, Helen replied, “I’ll have to assess her condition when I see her,” she explained, “but hopefully she’ll be up to talking to Ben later today.”

Ray sighed. “OK I get it, I’m not a cop, this isn’t my case. I just want to help, whatever you need me to do.”

Fraser smiled. “I appreciate that Ray, thank you kindly.”

Just then, a rather sleepy Sarah appeared, still dressed in her pyjamas. Fraser and Helen had helped her collect a few of her things from her house late last night. It hadn’t been easy for Sarah to go into the empty house, but she’d stayed strong and just having her own belongings around her was helping her feel more settled. Ray quickly grabbed the Police files and sat on them. “Hey, look Helen made waffles,” Ray grinned, staying deliberately cheerful.

“How did you sleep?” Helen asked her.

Sarah shrugged. “OK, I guess,” she replied quietly. “I’m not hungry right now, can I just get some juice.”

“Sure,” smiled Helen, “but you should try to eat something. Maybe later, OK.”

“Please don’t tell me what I should and shouldn’t do,” Sarah’s voice was still quiet, but firm, “and don’t pretend to be all...chirpy.”

“Chirpy?” Ray laughed a little. He’d never been described as that before.

“We’re just trying to help,” smiled Helen.

Sarah was about to reply when Stella walked appeared. She was in awe of Stella’s hair and make-up again, they were immaculate. Her Mum had never really bothered with things like that, she always looked smart and presentable and took good care of her hair and skin and whilst she didn’t disapprove of such things in theory, it was another thing they’d argued about a lot. Alison thought that Sarah was too young, she thought wearing make-up gave out the wrong message. Sarah just wanted to look her best, she wasn’t really interested in chasing boys yet, she wanted to get on in life. Sarah sighed. Mum never really understood me, did she, she thought sadly.

“Morning everyone,” Stella forced a smile. She was wearing five layers already, but she hadn’t recovered yet from freezing all night.

“Hi,” Sarah’s smile was genuine. “Can we talk about some legal things while you’re having breakfast?”

“Um, OK,” Stella was a little puzzled as to what ‘legal things’ she was referring to. “I really need coffee first though, please.” Fraser moved to pour Stella’s coffee, but Sarah beat him to it. “No milk, just black,” added Stella.

“I need to ask you about money,” Sarah explained as she handed the steaming mug to her. “I’ll be getting insurance money, but I need to know if I can spend that on school fees now, I don’t want to have to wait until I’m eighteen to get it, or something dumb like that.”

“Well, it will all depend on the provisions set out in your Mother’s will,” Stella explained, “I’m sure she would have made sure you were provided for in the event of...in this particular situation.” Stella just stopped herself in time, before she used the word ‘death’. She remembered how that word had freaked her out after her own father had died. Stupid, she thought to herself now, it’s just a word, but she really didn’t want to upset the girl.

“I don’t want to just be provided for,” replied Sarah, curtly, “I need to go to school. This is my big opportunity and will you please all stop treating me like a baby. My Mum’s dead. I’m sad, I’m really sad, but can we just get over it now? I have to get on with my life.”

Fraser glanced at Helen. This wasn’t good. She had to grieve properly, he knew that only too well. Pretending it was the start of some exciting adventure was not going to help her deal with what had happened. Planning for her future was a very sensible thing to do, but just not yet. 

“And the other thing I need advice on is the funeral,” Sarah continued. “I have no idea how to organise that. How much is it going to cost?”

“You don’t have to worry about that at all,” Fraser reassured her, “the RCMP will arrange everything. Perhaps later we could talk about some of the details, music and so forth. Did your mother have any particular favourite pieces of music that you’d like played at the service?”

Sarah shrugged. “I don’t know? I guess. I don’t think she’d want too much fuss though? I mean, she’s dead, it’s a waste of everyone’s time. Shouldn’t you be out there looking for her murderer anyway, instead of worrying about stupid music?”

“Sarah,” Fraser got to his feet and spoke solemnly, “I promise you that I and every one of my fellow officers are working on bringing whoever did this to justice. We will track them down and they will be punished to the fullest extent of the law.”

Sarah nodded silently, somewhat shocked at Fraser’s impassioned speech. Just then the front door opened. Maggie and Ray were holding hands as they gingerly stepped inside. “Er, thought we’d just stop by,” said Ray, nervously. He never knew what to say or how to act in these delicate situations. “We were gonna call round last night, but we were kind of late home and, um...”

“You missed a great party Stanley,” said Ray Vecchio, sarcastically.

Ray really couldn’t be bothered to respond, but he was determined to have this out with Vecchio sooner rather than later. He released Maggie’s hand and she rushed to Sarah, pulling her into a hug. “Oh Sarah, I’m so sorry,” she said. “Your mother was...” but Maggie was too choked up to continue.

Sarah stood rather stiffly as the suddenly emotional Mountie threatened to overwhelm her. “Yeah, thanks, I know,” she mumbled when she was finally free. “I might go and read for a while,” she said. “Stella, maybe we can hit the stores again later? I need something to wear to the funeral.”

Stella was really uncomfortable about spending time alone with Sarah now, but she nodded and smiled anyway. They’d been getting along OK and Stella had surprised herself at how she could relate to a teenage girl after all, but a teenage girl with all this to cope with was something entirely different. Stella knew she wasn’t very good with knowing the right thing to say. She knew she came across as cold hearted sometimes, but she liked to keep emotions out of her everyday life, it was just easier for her that way. Except now with Ray, Ray had been able to get through to her and he’d allowed her to show affection, happiness, sadness, love...all the things she’d refused to let herself feel since, well, since her marriage had ended. Funny, she thought to herself, how the only two people in the whole world who had ever seen the real Stella were both called Ray. Apart from Fraser, Fraser knew, she had no idea how, but he knew things about her that she didn’t even know herself. For the most irritating man in the world, he could be very perceptive. 

“Sure,” Stella forced a smile.

"Cool" Sarah smiled back and left the room.

Maggie sadly watched her go. Helen spontaneously went to Maggie and hugged her. "I feel so bad for Sarah," Maggie half whispered.

"I know," agreed Helen, releasing her friend from her arms, "she's doing OK, she'll be fine."

"We had such a nice weekend," sighed Maggie, feeling guilty that she and Ray had been enjoying themselves. "Maybe if I'd been here, maybe Alison wouldn't have gone up there on her own?"

"You can't let yourself think that way," said Fraser, "we have no way of knowing why she made the decision she did."

"We stopped by the station on the way here," said Maggie, trying to push her emotions to the back of her mind. "There was a fax waiting for you Benton, from Arnold and Masters, Derek Chester's accountants." She handed the fax to her brother.

"Ah, thank you kindly," said Fraser. "I don't know if this will tell us anything, but it was common knowledge that the Chester's business was struggling.

"I should get to work," announced Helen, "I'll call as soon as I have some news about Carol-Ann." She hugged and kissed Fraser and headed for the door.

"I guess I'll see ya later," Ray called after her, "I'll be in this afternoon."

"OK," replied Helen. "I'm glad you two had a good weekend," she smiled, "I'm sorry all this happened."

"Yeah," Ray smiled back, "it was good," he winked at Helen and that was all the confirmation she needed.

xXx

A couple of hours later, Maggie wiped the tears from her eyes and closed the file. “You OK babe?” asked Ray, putting his arm around her.

“Yes,” Maggie nodded and sipped at her tea. She and Ray were sitting with Fraser and Ray Vecchio around the table at Fraser and Helen’s and had been going over everything they knew about Derek Chester. He still hadn’t been found, despite the manhunt that was underway and he was still their only suspect. “I can’t pretend it wasn’t hard to read all that, to see those photographs...” Maggie’s voiced trailed off and she closed her eyes while she composed herself, “but I’m a Mountie and I’m investigating a homicide.”

Fraser couldn’t help smiling at how similar her thoughts were to his own. He passed the fax from the accountants across to Maggie. “The financial report for Derek Chester’s firm makes interesting reading,” he noted. “He bought out his former business partner a little over eight months ago and it would appear that the transaction didn’t go particularly smoothly.”

Both Rays peered over Maggie’s shoulders and the three of them read down the report. Not gonna let Vecchio know I don’t understand half of these words, thought Ray. He understood enough to realise that Chester had been having financial trouble for a while.

“Carol-Ann didn’t mention any of this to me,” Maggie frowned. “Either she was unaware of how bad things were, or she kept it from us deliberately.”

“The strain of financial difficulties may have contributed to Derek Chester’s anger management issues,” Fraser pointed out.

“Anger management issues?” Ray Vecchio exclaimed, getting to his feet. “The guy’s a wife beater and a cop killer. Don’t put some fancy Canadian spin on it Fraser.” He walked over to the window and stared out into the distance.

Fraser slowly ran his fingertips over his right eyebrow. “Ray...” he began, but Ray raised his hand to stop his friend. Fraser nodded silently. He knew that his old friend would be finding this difficult. The subject of domestic abuse was very close to his heart, his own father had been very free with his fists and has subjected Ray, his siblings and his mother to regular beatings. Fraser knew how much that had affected him of course. On top of that, every Police officer, retired or not, hated a cop killer.

Maggie was a little puzzled, although Ray Kowalski had a vague knowledge of Vecchio’s past family troubles. He’d had a few conversations with Ray’s sister Francesca back in Chicago and although she didn’t go into too many details, he was a good detective and he realised that the family had been through a lot. No matter what he thought of the guy, no one deserved that. He figured that now would be a good time for he and Maggie to leave. “So, er, what’s the plan? I should be gettin’ to work.”

“I intend to remain here until Helen telephones with an update on Carol-Ann’s condition,” Fraser replied, “we need to interview her as soon as possible. Obviously, she is our only witness. I’ll contact the accountants and attempt to ascertain further information.”

“I’ll go into the station and make some calls,” said Maggie, “friends, family, business associates...someone may have a suggestion as to where Derek is hiding out. I want to come with you to speak to Carol-Ann though Benton.”

“Of course,” agreed Fraser.

“C’mon babe, I’ll drive ya to the station on my way to the, er, the hospital,” said Ray.

Maggie nodded, picking up the file on her friend’s murder and tucking it under her arm, taking a deep, determined breath as she did so. 

“I’ll keep my ear to the ground buddy,” Ray continued as he headed for the door, “ya never know, someone might know somethin’.” 

“Thank you kindly Ray,” smiled Fraser and he watched as they left. Then he took a deep breath and turned to Ray who was still staring out of the window.

Ray watched the others drive away. He could almost feel Fraser’s eyes burning into the back of his neck. “Benny,” he began before Fraser had the chance to start a lecture, or an Inuit story or something, “I guess I’m just feeling kinda helpless that’s all.”

“Ray you have been very helpful this morning,” Fraser pointed out. Ray had suggested a few things that they were going to follow up.

“Now you’re just patronising me Benny,” sighed Ray, turning to face his friend.

“No Ray, your experience as a Police officer is invaluable,” replied Fraser earnestly.

“Yeah, yeah,” Ray wasn’t convinced. “I’m not a cop any more, I run a bowling alley.”

“Very successfully,” Fraser noted.

“Y’know, it’s true what they say Fraser,” Ray smiled, “money isn’t everything. Sometimes I think...” he stopped and thought about what he was going to say. It seemed an easy answer to blame everything on not being a cop any more, but he wasn’t being true to himself. He was done with that, no going back now, not after... “You know something, I wouldn’t want to go back to being a cop, not now, but I can’t deny that I miss working with you. I’d forgotten that I guess, even though you dragged me into stupid kinds of danger all the time!” He laughed, but Fraser’s face was serious.

“Ray, what happened when you were undercover,” Fraser asked, deciding that being direct was the only way to tackle this.

Ray’s face fell immediately. How did he know? How could he possibly know how much he was haunted by the ghost of Armando Langoustini even now? “I was a terrible cop Benny,” Ray began and before Fraser had a chance to protest, he continued, “I was, then I partnered up with a Mountie and I realised I was a good cop after all.” Fraser smiled, that wasn’t exactly how he saw it, but he let Ray carry on. “Then I got involved in...thing is Benny, I don’t even know how I got involved with all that? It was like I didn’t have a choice? The Lieu made that pretty clear. I was already involved before I even knew about it. The FBI...they’re a bunch of idiots Benny, but they had me in so deep before I’d ever even stuck on that stupid moustache.”

“I’m sorry Ray,” Fraser wasn’t sure what else to say. Ray had never spoken to him about his time undercover with the mob, but Fraser knew it had been hard for him, not only because he’d been forced to leave his family, his friends, his home suddenly and without saying goodbye, but because he would have seen and quite possibly done, some very difficult things during that time. 

“Yeah, well, it’s all over now,” Ray grinned, but there was no fooling Fraser.

“Were you...fully debriefed?” asked Fraser.

“You mean, did I get counselling,” Ray laughed. “You know what I think about all that crap.”

Fraser sighed silently. He knew if he’d been in Ray’s position he would also have rejected any offers of psychological support, but that didn’t mean he couldn’t see the benefits of such therapy. “If there’s ever anything you want to talk about...” he began, but Ray’s face told him to leave it there. He and Ray never talked about their feelings the way he did with Ray Kowalski. He wasn’t sure why that was? The two Rays were very different in that respect. Ray Kowalski wore his heart on his sleeve most of the time, but Ray Vecchio was much harder to read and although Fraser had become quite adept at it over the years, the barriers were still there.


	7. Chapter 7

“She’s heavily sedated, I’m not sure how much sense you’re going to get out of her,” Helen led Fraser and Maggie along the hospital corridor towards Carol-Ann Chester’s room.

“Anything she can give us at this juncture might be helpful,” Fraser pointed out.

Fraser acknowledged the security guard that Ray had posted outside the door and they slowly went in.

“Carol-Ann,” Helen spoke softly at first and then a little louder. “Carol-Ann, are you awake? The Police would like to speak to you.” She turned to Fraser and lowered her voice again. “I told her about Alison...and I told her about the pregnancy too, but I’m not sure she acknowledged that properly.”

“Understood,” replied Fraser. “Hello Mrs Chester,” he spoke slowly and clearly. Carol-Ann was hooked up to various monitors and drips. She was being fed oxygen directly into her nose through a tube and she was barely conscious.

Carol-Ann turned her head slowly and tried to focus on Fraser, but it was clear that her foggy mind was having trouble. “Carol-Ann, it’s Maggie,” Maggie tried now, “Constable Mackenzie,” she added, anything that might help.

Carol-Ann’s face twitched into a smile. “Maggie,” it came out in a croaky voice, “oh god...”

“It’s alright,” Maggie smiled, glancing at Helen. This wasn’t going to be easy, they really needed her to be able to tell them what happened, but it was quite obvious that it wasn’t going to be quite like that, not today anyway. “Can you remember what happened?” Maggie probed gently. “Take your time, anything you can remember.”

Carol-Ann tried to swallow, but her mouth was dry. Fraser poured some water out of the jug that stood by her bedside into a plastic cup. He dropped a drinking straw into it and held it out so that Carol-Ann could sip slowly at the water. “Thanks,” she whispered and Fraser placed the cup down again.

“We’re so sorry that this has happened to you,” Fraser said, “but our friend is...is dead and we need to know what happened. Why did Constable Malling come to see you yesterday, were you expecting her to visit?”

“I called her,” Carol-Ann spoke slowly, “I needed to...I was going to...to tell her about the...” tears started to fall and she couldn’t speak any more.

“Sshhh,” Helen squeezed her hand and looked at Fraser. “Do you have to do this now?”

“Just a few more questions,” replied Fraser. “Mrs Chester, did you get a good look at the gunman?”

The woman slowly shook her head, “I heard a crash and a shot and then...I don’t really remember, my leg...Alison pushed me onto the floor, she fired her gun...” Carol-Ann tried to reach for the water again, but her she was too weak.

“Here,” Fraser helped her to take a few more sips. “Did you hear voices? Shouting perhaps?”

Carol-Ann thought for a moment, “I don’t know...” she closed her eyes. “Maybe...I’m not sure...I just remember seeing Alison...there was so much blood and...and...oh my god...my baby...” she became very upset now.

“OK, that’s enough,” Helen said determinedly, “sorry, you’ll have to do this another time. I can’t allow this.”

Fraser nodded and Maggie hung her head in frustration. The two Mounties left Helen to see to her patient and left the room. Fraser closed the door behind them just as Ray walked round the corner. “Hey buddy,” he half smiled. “Babe,” he kissed Maggie, sad to see she was so down. “Jackie on the front desk said I’d find you guys here. Did ya get anythin’ from the victim?”

Maggie shook her head despondently. “She’s not really up to making a statement yet,” she sighed.

“I’m not certain at this stage whether she could identify the shooter,” added Fraser.

“OK, well this might be nothin’...” began Ray, then he looked at his subordinate who was still standing guard at the door. “Collins, I’ll take over here, you go patrol the car park with Shaw. Keep your eyes open OK.”

“Sure boss,” Collins nodded respectfully and walked off. Fraser couldn’t help but smile at the way Ray’s staff responded so positively to him and respected his authority. Back in Chicago, the only person in authority Ray ever respected was Lieutenant Welsh. He’d been let down by authority figures more than once, particularly over the Botrelle case and he never really recovered from that. Fraser’s unwavering trust and belief in authority couldn’t have been more different, obviously he knew that there were always exceptions to every rule and trusting without question could be dangerous...suddenly a fleeting image of his former Inspector, Meg Thatcher, popped into his head and he shuddered. To this day, he still had no idea what had happened between the two of them.

"What have you got Ray?" Maggie asked.

"OK, I ran over the CCTV footage from the weekend," said Ray, excitedly shifting his weight from one foot to the other. "I always do if I haven't been here, yknow. So, early hours of this mornin’, there's, er, some guy hangin’ around by the main fire exit."

"Some guy? Could you be more specific?" Fraser queried.

"Yeah, sorry buddy, but I couldn't make out his exact height, weight, or Driver's Licence number from the grainy black and white pictures," Ray snapped, waving his hands in the air in exasperation.

"Sorry Ray, I didn't mean to suggest..." Fraser began to apologise, but Maggie interrupted him.

“This man was behaving suspiciously?” she asked.

“Yeah,” Ray nodded, “now it coulda been some wino, or a, er, a junkie lookin’ for a fix, but no one’s ever gonna get in that way since I got all the locks changed after those kids kept gettin’ in.”

“May we see the footage?” asked Fraser.

“Sure buddy,” Ray laughed and slapped him on the back affectionately. “Did ya think I was gonna keep it to myself?” He shook his head and mumbled, with a grin, “Freak.”

xXx

“Come on Benny, surely you could tell if it was him from the shape of his nose or something?” Ray Vecchio had been listening to Fraser as he brought him up to date on the day’s developments as they sat at the kitchen table.

“Does Derek Chester have particularly unusual facial features?” Fraser asked, somewhat horrified at the thought he may have missed something. He opened the file on the table in front of him and pulled out the photograph they’d been circulating of their only suspect.

Ray laughed. “I was kidding Benny,” he said, snatching the photo from Fraser and replacing it in the file. Fraser frowned. “I know CCTV pictures can be pretty ropey sometimes. It’s interesting what you were saying about his old business partner though.”

“Indeed,” agreed Fraser. He’d spoken to Chester’s former business partner, a Steve Bagshaw and he wasn’t a happy man at all. Their cheese export business had been slowly failing and Bagshaw had been keen to sell to a large multinational company while there was still something left of value, but Chester had steadfastly refused to give up and in the end he bought his partner out. They'd argued over the deal for months and Bagshaw certainly wasn't happy with the amount he'd got for his half of the business, but he'd suggested to Fraser that he couldn't be bothered to argue with the man any longer and took what he could just to be rid of him.

"And they'd been partners for how long?" Asked Maggie.

"Over twenty years," replied Fraser. "He sounded very bitter about the turn of events. Cheese was a lucrative business in the beginning, but over the years..."

"The market melted away!" Ray laughed at his own joke.

Fraser didn't get it. Neither did Maggie. "Canada produces some excellent cheese Ray, but global financial pressures make this sort of small business difficult to maintain," she explained.

"His main market is across the border of course," added Fraser, "and you Americans have somewhat dubious taste in cheese, so it must have been difficult for..."

"Woah, wait, go back," Ray sneered, "what was that about Americans and cheese?"

"During my time in Chicago Ray I sampled many local delicacies," Fraser explained, "the most shocking to me was a product labelled as cheese, but which one had to squeeze from a tube."

Ray couldn't really argue with that. "Yeah, well I'm Italian, we have great taste in cheese."

“His brother Thomas didn’t have much time for him either,” said Maggie, “they haven’t spoken in years, he didn’t even seem concerned when I told him that Derek was wanted in connection with a murder investigation.”

“And he had no idea where his brother might be hiding out?” Ray asked. Maggie shook her head.

Helen walked over with plates of food. “I hope Carol-Ann will be well enough to talk to you tomorrow,” she said, “I’m sorry I had to stop you earlier.”

“I understand,” replied Fraser, “she was becoming distressed...I must say this looks delicious.” He inhaled deeply and let the smell of the grilled chicken fill his mind and steady his thoughts. 

Stella appeared from the other room. “Sarah’s refusing to come and eat again,” she sighed. She’d been talking to Sarah ever since they got back from their shopping trip earlier, but she felt as though nothing she said was getting through to the girl. “She says she’s fine, but she’s not fine is she. Perhaps you should talk to her Helen, I really have no idea what to say, I’m probably making things worse.”

“You’re doing a great job,” Ray said supportively, “she listens to you. Kids can be very picky about who they choose for friends.”

Stella didn’t seem very convinced, Sarah had latched onto her and she knew she right thing to do would be to provide some sort of emotional support, but that was so alien to her. As a lawyer she often represented vulnerable people, but the only support she ever offered was legal counsel. She felt that dealing with situations in a practical and efficient manner was the best thing to do and that method certainly proved successful when it came to prosecuting offenders. A lot of her clients responded well to it and seemed to appreciate her no nonsense approach. Besides, she couldn’t allow herself to become emotionally involved with her clients and their personal circumstances, she had to keep those barriers in place. This situation was slightly different though and Stella had no idea how to deal with it.

“You’re all talking about me again,” Sarah sulked over to the table and sat down, folding her arms across her chest. “I’m going to eat, are you happy now?”

“Sarah, we want to help you that’s all,” Fraser spoke gently.

“Why?” she snapped, “you barely know me? Why would you want to help me? Anyway, I don’t need help, unless you can get me into Harvard.” She was being deliberately rude, she knew that and she did feel bad about it, but she didn’t want to cry any more. She was done crying. Crying made you look weak and she wasn’t weak, she wanted Stella to see that more than anyone. Stella would never mope around crying over things that you had no control over.

Helen placed a plate of chicken in front of Sarah and smiled. “That’s a little way in the future isn’t it, let’s just worry about the next few days first.”

“But if I want to get in I have to do something about it now! The good colleges don’t want people from towns like this, they want people who are going places,” exclaimed Sarah, frustrated that everyone was being like this with her. Why couldn’t they see that she had to get on with her life, she couldn’t look back, it hurt too much. She hated it here and she hated her mother for keeping her here all this time. Maybe if they’d moved away from this place years ago then her mum wouldn’t be dead. “Tell them Stella,” she pleaded.

Stella looked desperately at Fraser for some help. He always knew the right thing to say to people, she was way out of her depth, but Sarah didn’t want Fraser to speak. She wanted Stella to back her up, but maybe Stella was just like the rest of them after all? She closed her eyes and silently began to eat her meal.

xXx

“I can’t believe he’s still out there?” Maggie sighed, brushing her hair roughly in frustration. “We have every available resource searching for him.”

“I think you and Fraser should, er, go up to the Chester place tomorrow,” Ray gently held her wrist to stop her brushing. “Maybe there’s somethin’ there that’s been missed? You and Fraser can lick stuff or whatever.” He peeled her fingers from the wooden handle and took the brush away from her. She didn’t put up any resistance. “You’re gonna pull out all your hair babe,” he smiled and began gently brushing Maggie’s hair, smoothing it with his hand. He carefully brushed all her hair to one side, exposing the side of her neck and kissed it tenderly. “Relax,” he whispered.

Maggie let out a slow breath. “Not now Ray,” she said.

“It’s OK,” Ray said softly, “I just want ya to relax, nothin’ else.”

Maggie smiled and turned to face him. “Isn’t this usually the other way around?”

Ray laughed. “Yeah, I guess,” he admitted, “you’re always the calm one, you and your freaky brother.”

“I’m sorry Ray, I’m just so...” she couldn’t vocalise her feelings. 

Ray understood and he took both her hands in his. “Sshhh,” he soothed, “I know.”

“I keep thinking about Sarah,” Maggie began to cry and Ray wiped away her tears with his thumb. “She needs a home, somewhere to live,” Maggie continued, “and we...I mean, what if we were to take her in?”

Ray released her and almost physically recoiled. “What?” he said. “You think we should adopt Sarah? We can’t!” He leapt up and stood with his hands on his hips. He was shirtless and barefoot, wearing only some baggy sweatpants and Maggie watched his ribs rise and fall as he breathed heavily, his face a clear picture of his thoughts.

“I’m not talking about adopting her,” Maggie felt crushed by his immediate rejection of her idea. “But we could give her stability, we’ve been talking about being parents for months Ray and...”

“I want to have a baby with ya,” Ray ran a hand through his tousled hair as he tried to make sense of this idea. “Not take in someone else’s kid?” He shook his head and let out a sigh. “OK, OK...” he said, calming down slightly from the shock, “I’m sorry, look, I’m not against adoption, if, er, that’s what we have to do, if we can’t make babies the old fashioned way I mean, but...oh, let’s talk about this in the mornin’ babe, not now. I didn’t mean to, er, it’s just that I never even thought about...”

“It’s my fault Ray,” Maggie walked over to him and put her arms around his waist, “maybe it’s a silly idea, what can we really offer her apart from a roof over her head?”

“Hey, we have loads to offer her,” smiled Ray, “but I’m just not sure that we should be makin’ any big decisions, I mean, it’s too soon. I wanna get that creep Chester first, the cop killer...” Ray clenched his fists as a wave of anger surged through him.

“We don’t know if it was Derek Chester yet remember,” Maggie sighed. She hoped they’d have located him by now. They both knew that the more time passed the less chance they had of finding him. “We shouldn’t close our eyes to the possibility that the perpetrator was someone else.”

“Yeah, I know,” Ray agreed. “I just hope Carol-Ann can tell us...I mean, tell you something tomorrow.”

Maggie smiled. “Benton and I really appreciate all your help, you know that, yours and Ray Vecchio’s, but you two need to be careful.”

Ray sighed at the mention of Vecchio. “I’m sure Fraser and Vecchio have solved the whole case by now anyway,” he said, rather immaturely.

Maggie frowned and released him from her arms. “What is it with the two of you?” she asked, “why is there so much friction between you and Ray?”

“Friction?” Ray sneered. “Is that what ya call it? 

“What would you call it?” she probed.

“The guy’s a jerk, that’s all.” Ray walked away from her and climbed into bed.

“I haven’t really had a chance to talk to him for very long yet, but he seems like a nice guy to me,” replied Maggie, joining him in bed. “His behaviour changes when you’re in the room though.”

Ray narrowed his eyes. “Changes how?” he asked.

“He’s very hostile towards you,” Maggie tried to explain, “I thought you barely knew each other.”

“Yeah, well it didn’t take long to figure the guy out,” huffed Ray.

“You know you behave very strangely around him too,” Maggie continued, “like, um, you’re...” she thought about it for a moment, then asked carefully, “Is it because he’s with Stella now? Is that it?” 

“No!” replied Ray, “Jeez, no babe. Stella’s happy, I’m happy, we’re cool, I promise ya.”

Then Maggie’s eyes widened as the realisation dawned. “You’re jealous of his friendship with Benton.”

Ray couldn’t believe it. These freaky Frasers, they could both read his mind. He shook his head, thought about denying it because it sounded so stupid, but it was the truth. “Fraser is only my buddy because he had to be,” said Ray, quietly, “to keep Vecchio’s cover.”

“That’s how you met, but people meet in a variety of ways,” Maggie began, “Benton cares about you now Ray, he loves you like a brother.” 

“Yeah, but Vecchio...” Ray sighed. “You know how he always says Vecchio saved his life, y’know, when he shot him, when that Victoria bitch twisted his mind, or, er, whatever the hell she did to him.”

“Please don’t use that word Ray,” Maggie reprimanded.

“She was a bitch Mags,” Ray retorted and Maggie couldn’t really argue with that assessment. “So I figure if he had to choose, Fraser would choose Vecchio, no question.”

“Ray this is ridiculous!” Maggie was getting annoyed now. “For one thing, why on earth would my brother have to choose between you? Choose who his best friend is you mean? Who’s his favourite Ray? That’s the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard. He loves you both. We’ve never had a proper family Ray, neither of us. I had my mother for a while at least, but Benton basically had no one for so long when our father was away. Would you deny him the chance to have two brothers now?”

Ray shrugged. When she put it like that it did sound kinda d-u-m dumb.

“Besides,” Maggie went on, “you’ve saved his life on countless occasions, so Ray Vecchio doesn’t have the monopoly on that either. If Benton could hear you talking like this I think he’d be very upset.”

Ray wasn’t sure what a stupid board game had to do with this, but Maggie was right about Fraser. The last thing he ever wanted to do was upset his buddy, his best buddy...his brother. Maybe I should try to be nice to Vecchio, he thought. He’d seen Fraser’s pained expression the other day when he and the other Ray had argued right in front of him, but he just couldn’t help the way he felt. Like he was inferior to the guy, second best, Ray Vecchio left so Ray Kowalski was better than no Ray at all...but Fraser didn’t think like that did he? He looked at Maggie with sad eyes. “Sorry,” he mumbled. “D’ya think Vecchio feels the same way?” he asked her, “D’ya think that’s why he’s such a jerk around me? Are we just a couple of jerks?”

Maggie laughed and kissed him. “I think,” she said, pausing for breath, “that you’re more alike than either of you will ever admit.” Ray nodded. “But I think there’s something else with him too, I can't quite put my finger on it.” Maggie added. 

Ray wasn’t exactly sure what she was talking about, although he had to admit that Vecchio always seemed to be hiding something. Well maybe not hiding exactly, just not letting people see certain things about himself. Just like Fraser...and Stella, Ray thought, that would be right. OK, so he was an abused kid and god knows what it must have been like undercover with the mob...Ray’s thoughts drifted away.

“Now, after all that, we both need to relax,” said Maggie suddenly, snapping his mind back from the distance as she pushed him back onto his pillows.

“Hey, I thought you didn’t want to...” Ray let out a moan as Maggie’s hands began to wander all over his body.

“I know, but...I guess life goes on Ray,” smiled Maggie, delighted at the instant reaction she got from him. “I don’t think Alison would want us to put our plans for the future on hold.” She leaned forward and they kissed passionately. Plans for the future, Ray loved that. OK Kowalski, he thought to himself, don’t screw this up.

xXx

Later, as Maggie lay spooning with Ray, warm and satisfied, she thought about having a baby, about having Ray’s baby...and then a thought slipped into her head, a thought about Carol-Ann Chester that hadn’t occurred to her before. She made a mental note to mention it to Benton in the morning, closed her eyes and drifted off to sleep.


	8. Chapter 8

Stella was cold. Cold, tired and thirsty. She draped a blanket around her shoulders and carefully snuck out of the bed so as not to wake Ray. She laughed at the ridiculous noise he made as he slept, not quite snoring, more slurping, or was that snuffling? God she loved this man. She never thought life could be like this, she never realised that the right man was out there for her somewhere and yet here he was, snuffling. He put up with so much from her, she knew she wasn’t the easiest person to get along with, she knew she had all of these issues that some stupid therapist would probably have a field day with, but she was who she was and she wasn’t about to change. 

When she was still married to Ray, he’d tried so hard to please her, he tried to make her happy and to start with he did make her happy, he really did. His boundless energy and his openness had been like a breath of fresh air after her somewhat stifled childhood and she’d loved it. She’d loved him. They’d go dancing, or out for a drive at midnight. Anywhere, it didn’t matter where, they were young and in love and they didn’t have any reason to think it wouldn’t be like this forever, but things changed. No, she changed, she corrected herself and Ray...well, Ray really didn’t change at all, that was the problem. He stayed the same as he was when they first met, exactly the same, except maybe he became a little sadder every time she did or said something that hurt him. She hadn’t wanted to hurt him, she really hadn’t, but at the time she didn’t realise what she was doing and she hadn’t realised what a mess they were in. If only they’d realised sooner, maybe it would have been less painful, maybe it wouldn’t have left such deep open wounds for so long. It was so good to see him again though and something had happened the other day that she’d wanted for so long. He’d held her and everything was alright now, it was over and they were at peace with each other. She still loved him, always will, but they’d both moved on. She had a new man now, a new Ray and how ironic was that, she laughed to herself. This time it was forever though. No more mistakes, no more regrets. 

Stella wandered out into the kitchen to get a glass of water, still lost in her thoughts. She shivered as the cool air penetrated the blanket and the three layers she was wearing underneath and brushed her skin. How can anyone live up here, she thought. Fraser had been a fish out of water in Chicago and now she finally understood why. She filled a glass with water and sipped it slowly and thought about Sarah. She was such a bright girl and yet life was just passing her by living up here. Sarah reminded her so much of herself at that age, the drive, the determination to succeed, to break away from the limitations of her childhood, all those weekends at the Country Club, all that time wasted. As soon as she had the chance she grabbed life by the horns and did something with her life. Sarah had that chance now, life had dealt her such a cruel blow, but she seemed determined not to let it stop her. If anything it had made her even more determined. Stella admired her courage.

She was heading back to bed to drink the rest of her water, when she heard a noise. She screwed up her nose as if somehow that would help her work out what it was. Diefenbaker padded out and she jumped at the movement in the shadows. “Oh it’s you,” she said, her heart pounding. Then she rolled her eyes, now she was talking to the wolf. Maybe that’s what happens to you if you stay in this place too long. Dief muzzled against her leg and yapped quietly. “What?” she snapped. “Are you hungry or something?” Dief walked a few paces away from her, turned and then walked back to her, repeating the muzzling and yapping. “Oh I get it,” Stella laughed to herself, “I’ve seen Lassie movies. OK, I’ll follow you.” She walked behind Dief and he led her to the back door. The she realised it was open. No wonder it’s so cold in here, she shivered. Then she heard the noise again. It was Sarah. She was standing outside, dressed in her pyjamas, looking up at the stars and weeping. Stella’s heart sank. She hesitated, thought about going to wake Helen and Fraser, but then Dief yapped and it was too late, Sarah was aware of their presence. She turned around sharply and looked devastated when she realised it was Stella standing there.

“I’m OK,” she whimpered, trying to force a smile.

“Good lord, look at you,” Stella frowned, taking the blanket from around her own shoulders and throwing it over the shivering girl. “You’re not OK. Come inside and get back into bed. It’s the middle of the night.”

Sarah allowed herself to be manoeuvred back inside and back to the bed Fraser had squeezed into the tiny back room for her. Stella held back the covers and Sarah climbed in. Dief jumped on the bed and Sarah was grateful for the extra warmth.

“I just needed some air,” Sarah’s teeth chattered as she spoke.

“What were you trying to prove?” asked Stella sharply, “that you were tough? That you don’t need to be warm like everyone else? I’m freezing and I’m wearing two layers of thermals under here.”

Sarah laughed. “It’s not that cold,” she said and Stella laughed too.

“I live in Florida,” she reminded her. “This is one hell of a shock to the system!”

“What’s it like in Florida?” asked Sarah and Stella told her about their home there, about the beautiful beaches, the everglades, the theme parks they’d taken Ray’s nieces and nephews to so many times. “Sounds great,” smiled Sarah, finally starting to warm up.

“It’s OK, better than Chicago anyway. Too many tourists for my liking, but you just have to know the right places to go to avoid them,” explained Stella. “I shouldn’t complain really, half our business comes from tourists.”

“The bowling alley?” questioned Sarah and Stella nodded. “Why did you open a bowling alley?” she asked. “You’re a lawyer, why didn’t you just go be a lawyer in Florida?”

Stella sighed. “Honestly, I have no idea.” She laughed now. “The opportunity just came up and we took it. I had to get away from Chicago and Ray needed something after his forced retirement from the Police. I think he would have done anything to keep busy after that. He had family in Florida so we went there and we saw the bowling alley for sale and Ray had his invalidity pension payout so he bought it. It was good for us, for both of us. We worked hard to get that place off the ground, it was a dump when we bought it. Now its a huge leisure facility, we worked hard and we've got something good to show for it."

"I hate bowling," Sarah announced. "I went once and it was boring."

Stella looked serious. "I'll let you into a secret," she said, "I hate bowling too."

The two of them laughed so loud that Diefenbaker jumped off the bed. Then suddenly Sarah wasn't laughing any more and she slumped backwards, letting out a groan. "My head," she said, clutching at her forehead with both hands.

Stella was immediately concerned. Sarah's breathing had become shallow and rapid. "I'll get Helen," she said and rushed out of the room.

xXx

Helen stepped out of the backroom and slung her stethoscope around her neck. A concerned Fraser leapt up from the sofa. “How is she?” he asked.

“She’s fine,” Helen replied. “She has a migraine. She was outside for about twenty minutes we think, plus she’s not eating properly, it’s not surprising. I gave her some meds, she needs to sleep it off.”

“Is Stella still with her?” asked Fraser.

Helen nodded. “Sarah asked her to stay until she was asleep.”

“Oh dear,” mumbled Fraser.

“Stella didn’t look that happy about it,” noted Helen, “She’s really trying though, for Sarah’s sake. I admire her for that.”

“Stella is not one to turn down a challenge,” Fraser pointed out.

“She’s doing fine,” Helen smiled, “I think she’s really helping, Sarah needs someone like that, she needs that focus right now.”

“What’s happened?” Ray appeared, staggering towards them and rubbing sleep from his eyes. “Stella’s gone? What’s going on?”

“I’m terribly sorry if we disturbed you Ray, but Stella is fine,” Fraser explained, “she’s sitting with Sarah who has been taken unwell.” Ray, who had woken up properly now, looked concerned. 

“She just has a migraine,” smiled Helen, “she’ll be fine in a few hours.”

“I’ll make some tea,” Fraser headed towards the kitchen and Helen and Ray sat and talked a little about Carol-Ann Chester. Helen was acutely aware that her responsibilities as a doctor were in danger of conflicting with the investigation. There was a murderer on the loose, a cop killer and of course he had to be caught and brought to justice, but it was very difficult for Helen to decide where the line was between that and doctor patient confidentiality surrounding the situation of Carol-Ann’s abusive husband. If Derek Chester had been abusing his wife and it was quite clear to Helen that he had, that didn’t automatically mean he was guilty of killing Constable Malling. She’d talked to Ben about it earlier in bed, but before they’d come to any real conclusions she’d fallen asleep with her head resting on his chest, her favourite way to fall asleep.

Fraser returned with the tea. Ray turned his nose up. “You can’t drink coffee at this hour Ray,” Fraser pointed out. Ray begrudgingly accepted tea and took a few sips, just as Stella came out of the other room.

“She feels like she’s going to puke,” Stella announced, her screwed up face clearly displaying her thoughts, “is there a bowl I can take to her?”

Fraser and Helen leapt up at the same time, but Fraser put his hand on Helen’s shoulder. “No, I’ll deal with this,” he said, “you should finish your tea and go back to bed. I have something that will help with her nausea.” Before Helen had time to protest Fraser had kissed her on her forehead, found a suitable receptacle and a small bottle of something or other from the cupboard and was leading Stella back to Sarah’s room. Helen watched him go with a smile on her face. He’d only had as much sleep as she had, but he was still totally alert, whereas she could barely keep her eyes open, even though her mind was racing. She laughed as he closed the door behind him, he was wearing those ridiculous red longjohns again. She complained about them all the time but he insisted that they were very practical sleepwear. God he looked good in them, but she was never going to tell him that of course and it was always fun taking them off, although it did take a frustratingly long time sometimes.

“Earth to Helen,” Ray’s broad grin stretched across his face as he watched her eyes follow Fraser. He knew that look and it was different from the look that every other woman gave the Mountie. Love and lust, two totally different things.

“Sorry,” Helen blushed as she pushed those thoughts from her head.

“So what’s in that magic potion that Benny’s gonna give to Sarah?” asked Ray, draining the last of the tea form his cup.

“I have no idea,” admitted Helen. “I’ve learnt to trust the natural remedies he uses. I used to be sceptical, but they work and once you actually analyse the ingredients and their known properties then it makes perfect sense. They’re still pharmaceutical products, just like the ones I use every day.”

Ray shrugged. She was probably right. “Does he, um, does he still get back pain?” Ray asked quietly. Fraser might be distracted in another room, but he still had that super-Mountie hearing. “Does he have an Inuit remedy for that?”

Helen nodded. “His back does give him a few problems,” she confirmed. “He tries to hide it from me, but I’m a doctor...and I love him.” She sighed. Ben could be the most frustrating man in the world, but he was the man she loved and she knew what he was really like under the facade. She knew what he was really capable of, that he was a beautifully sensitive and emotional man beneath all that self control. She’d first seen it when they first met, when she was going through a really difficult time and Fraser and Ray Kowalski had walked into her world. Love had quickly grown out of friendship and she felt safe with him, she felt secure and she was a better person for having Benton Fraser in her life.

“I can never...” Ray began, hanging his head, but his voice trailed off. Helen narrowed her eyes. He’d obviously been about to say something, but thought better of it. Ray lifted his head and looked at her. “I wish...” he began, but the words dried up again.

Helen could tell that something was worrying Ray, but she’d quickly realised that he wasn’t a man to discuss his feelings very easily. “Talk to me,” she smiled supportively.

Ray took a deep breath. “I think about it every day,” he began, “about...I shot him, in the back...I assume you know all about that. I mean, you must’ve noticed the scar.”

“Yes,” Helen confirmed, of course she knew all about what had happened, but she wasn’t sure why Ray had brought it up now. “You know, he says you saved his life that day.”

“I nearly killed him!” Ray exclaimed, then nervously looked towards the door. Benny must have heard that, he thought. He lowered his voice again. “I shouldn’t have let it get that far, I should have taken better care of him. As soon as we figured out what she was trying to do, I should have...I don’t know, protected him from her.”

“What could you have done apart from lock him up? He would have hated you for that?” asked Helen. “He made his own choices Ray, bad ones from what I understand. You were the only one who stood by him, the only one who tried to help when everyone else had turned against him.”

“She did something to him Helen,” Ray almost spat out the words. He hated talking about Victoria Metcalfe. “I don’t understand it, he changed, she brainwashed him or something.”

“Brainwashed? Are you sure?” she asked incredulously. “The way he tells it I think he was just in love.”

Ray baulked at that statement. In love? Well, yes of course he was, he realised that at the time, but hearing Helen say it like that... He should have done more, he should have killed her before things got so far out of hand. He imagined his hands around her neck, squeezing the life out of her...Jesus, what the hell am I thinking? I spent way too much time undercover, I saw too many things, forced myself to turn a blind eye to so much just so as I didn’t blow my cover. It was for the greater good, that’s what those clowns at the FBI kept telling him. It was OK, they told him, let them kill each other, that’s how they operate, keep looking at the bigger picture. He did good, they told him, the information he gave them, the things he was able to do from the inside...he saved lives, a lot of innocent lives. There were people out there now going about their business and bringing up their kids without having to be scared any more because of the things he did to bring down that whole section of the mob. If he’d crossed paths with Victoria while he was still Armando Langoustini, he would have killed her then, he felt sure of it and that thought scared the hell out of him.

“Ray?” Helen’s voice was gentle and her and rested over his. “I think you should talk to Ben about this.” She’d noticed his eyes glistening and it concerned her. Ben became very emotional of course whenever the subject of Victoria came up, although these days he seemed to be more at peace with everything that had happened.

Ray shook his head and wiped his eyes. “Tired eyes,” he mumbled, but he knew he hadn’t fooled her. “I don’t want to drag it all up again,” he said, “we moved on from all that.”

“But you haven’t really moved on at all have you,” Helen smiled.

“There’s a constant reminder,” Ray noted, “every time he flinches in pain, every time he does that godawful clicking thing with his spine...”

“Ray,” Helen suddenly realised where all this had come from, “his back pain is muscular,” she explained. “Too many years of throwing himself down ravines, or out of windows, it’s not your fault.” She squeezed his arm.

“But I thought the bullet...” Ray shuddered as he remembered pulling that trigger, the next few minutes were etched permanently in his memory. “It’s still there, isn’t it?”

Helen sighed. “Yes it is, I wish he’d have the surgery. I don’t understand why he’s being so stubborn about it?”

“Wait, what surgery?” Ray panicked now. “He needs surgery?”

“No, it’s not like that, it’s not serious...but, he didn’t tell you?” Helen asked, shocked. Ray shook his head, slightly stunned. “He told me he was going to tell you. He...he lied to me?” Helen couldn’t believe it.

Ray thought for a moment. “When?” he asked, “what exactly did he say to you?”

Helen closed her eyes. “A few weeks ago, before he called you one evening. We’d just got home from the appointment and I asked him if he was going to tell you about it and he said he would.”

“Did he specifically say he was going to tell me during that particular phonecall?” Ray asked. “What were his exact words?”

Helen smiled then and visibly relaxed. “I guess he didn’t say that exactly, he said he was going to tell you, he didn’t give me specifics.”

Ray smiled too. That sounded like Benny. “Then one day I’m sure he will tell me all about it.” Helen nodded. “But I can’t wait that long,” Ray’s face was serious again. “Why does he need surgery, has the bullet shifted? I read that could happen and he could end up paralysed.”

“It’s OK Ray,” Helen spoke reassuringly, “it’s nothing like that.” She took a deep breath, Ben was probably going to be mad with her for discussing it with his friend, but it was his fault for misleading her like that. “Actually there are two surgeries I want him to have. The first one is the scar tissue,” she explained, “there’s so much of it, deep too and he really would notice the benefits of some work on that. I recommended laser surgery, but he wouldn’t hear of it. He called it ‘cosmetic surgery’ and said it was unnecessary.”

Ray felt sick at the thought of what his bullet had done to Fraser’s body. He hadn’t seen the scar for years, he hoped that it was less angry looking now, that it had faded at least a little, he wondered what Helen thought every time she had to look at it. Would he let her touch it he wondered? She could never really understand, no one could, only he and Benny really knew...and they couldn’t even talk about it to each other. He wanted to so badly, he wanted to say he was sorry, but that would never be enough so maybe it was better if he said nothing at all.

Ray was puzzled as Helen suddenly got up and went to a drawer, rummaging to the bottom and returning with a large brown envelope. She hesitated and then opened it, pulling something out. “X-Rays,” she announced and flicked on a table lamp. She held up one of the flimsy films and the light shone through it, lighting the fuzzy white shapes. Ray had no idea what he was looking at. “This is the one they took the day it happened,” she explained. Suddenly Ray noticed the date stamp around the edge. Had it really been that long? It was as clear in his mind as if it had happened yesterday. “There’s the bullet,” Helen pointed to the area. 

Ray could easily make that out, the shape was unmistakable and he nodded slowly. She went on to describe some of the other anatomical details, but it all went over his head. He was just concentrating on the bullet. There it is, he thought, that’s my bullet, the bullet from my gun, the one I put there. I shot Benny, he nearly died...

“I made him go and have these done a couple of months back,” Helen continued, “it took some persuading and I really thought...I thought he’d agree to the surgery, but I now I think he only went because I insisted.” Helen picked up the other X-Ray as she spoke. “Look, it hasn’t moved at all and five years ago no surgeon would have wanted to attempt to remove it, but things have moved so fast in the field and I know a guy, I interned under him in Vancouver, he’s an excellent spinal surgeon, the best there is and I know he could take this out. Ben won’t hear a word of it though. He doesn’t want it removed? I don’t understand?”

Ray sighed and shook his head. He didn’t understand it either, but then he and Benny had never talked about it, not really and so Ray had no real idea what he thought about any of it. So Benny thinks that bullet saved his life does he? Ray couldn’t understand that at all.

xXx

“Is she asleep now?” Stella whispered.

Fraser gently brushed a few strands of stray hair from Sarah’s face. “Yes,” he confirmed, keeping his voice low. “She should feel a lot better in the morning.”

Stella nodded. She’d felt compelled to hold the girl’s hand while she drifted off to sleep and now, for some reason, she didn’t want to let it go. “She looks so young now she’s sleeping,” Stella smiled. Even in the dappled moonlight Sarah looked like a different person to the troubled teenager she’d got to know over the last few days. “I might stay here for a while,” added Stella, quietly, “just in case she wakes again.”

“I can stay if you’d prefer to return to bed,” Fraser offered, but he knew she’d refuse.

“It’s fine, I’ll stay,” Stella replied with determination. Fraser nodded and found another blanket in the closet. He draped it round Stella’s shoulders. “Thanks,” said Stella. “Fraser,” she began as Fraser headed for the door. He turned back with his eyebrows raised questioningly. “It doesn’t matter,” Stella finished. She wasn’t really sure what she was thinking anyway, it was late and she was tired, she was sure she’d feel differently in the morning. She turned her attentions back to Sarah.

Fraser was puzzled. He stood for a moment, contemplating asking her if there was anything wrong, but she was quite difficult to read and he wasn’t sure whether she’d appreciate him pushing her to open up to him. This really wasn’t an appropriate time anyway. “I’ll suggest to Ray that he go back to bed,” he said. Stella nodded and he left the room.

Helen heard the quiet click of the door and panicked. She grabbed the X-Rays and sat on them, just as Fraser appeared. “Hi,” she squeaked. Ray had to stifle a laugh, it was kind of childish, but on the other hand he completely understood why she’d done it. 

Unfortunately for Helen and Ray, Fraser was always fully alert, even in the early hours of the morning. He frowned. “Is everything alright?” he asked, looking from Helen to Ray.

“How’s Sarah?” asked Ray, deliberately trying to deflect his question.

Fraser wasn’t fooled. His eyes were drawn to the brown envelope lying on the table, he instantly recognised it and his blood ran cold. Helen knew she was in trouble. Fraser took a moment to assess the scene, he realised that Helen was sitting rather awkwardly and saw the crumpled corner of one of his X-Rays sticking out from under her thigh. Helen glanced at Ray.

“Benny,” Ray began, but Fraser held up his hand to stop him talking. He still had his eyes trained on Helen. Strong, intense, she’d never really seen that look in his eyes before, it scared her. 

He reached out and snatched the X-Rays from under her and shoved them roughly back into the envelope, still silent. Helen wanted to speak, but she didn’t know what to say. Instead Fraser spoke, his voice was low and controlled. “You had no right,” he said. He didn’t know what he wanted her to say, maybe nothing, he couldn’t think of anything she could say that would make him feel any better right now. He felt betrayed, betrayed by the woman he loved. He had no idea how to deal with that.

“Ben, I...I’m sorry...” Helen fought back tears. She knew he’d be upset with her if he found out that she’d talked to Ray, or anyone, about this, but she hadn’t expected he’d react quite this badly.

“Come on Benny,” Ray tried to diffuse the situation, “she thought I already knew about it. I made her tell me.”

“Stay out of this Ray,” Fraser warned him, briefly breaking eye contact with Helen to speak to him. Then he turned his attentions back to her. “You took an oath and this...” he angrily slammed the envelope down on the table, “...this is a blatant disregard for that. This is my private medical information and the only people who have the right to discuss it are my doctors and myself.” 

Helen couldn’t hold back her tears any longer. Ray was stunned. Fraser had made her cry, how could he? Was all this so important to him that he’d risk what he had here with Helen? “That’s enough Benny,” Ray grabbed his arm. He wasn’t going let Benny screw up his new life because of his bullet. Why was he acting like this? Why didn’t he want the surgery? Ray couldn’t understand. Why would he want that inside of him, reminding him of everything that had happened after all this time, it was as if he didn’t want to forget, but surely he wasn’t still in love with Victoria? He wished he could just talk to Benny about this, why was it so hard for them, he loved Benny like his own brother, more than his own brother and yet this one thing was always there, they’d danced round it for years, they had to do something about it and soon, before it tore all of their lives apart.

Fraser shook himself free. “It’s not the first time is it,” Fraser’s intense stare was breaking Helen’s heart now, “your patients trust you and you think nothing of breaking that trust.” Now he was just saying things to hurt her.

“Ben...please...” Helen sobbed. Fraser was losing control, he closed his eyes and tried to breathe, he felt like something was crushing his chest. He had to go, he had to get out of here. Without saying another word, he went to the front door, pulled on his boots and heavy coat and went walking out into the freezing night. 

Helen broke down in Ray’s arms. “Ssshhh,” he tried to soothe her, “he’ll calm down.” He hoped he was right, but from the look on Benny’s face, Ray wasn’t sure what to think.

“I don’t understand,” Helen wept, “this isn’t about the bullet, he said you saved his life with that bullet? It’s her isn’t it...Victoria...what did she do to him Ray? What did she do?”


	9. Chapter 9

"Oh thanks for coming Ray," Helen closed the door and Ray slipped a hand into hers and smiled. It had been over three hours since Fraser had stormed out of the house and uncharacteristically for her she’d started to panic and called Ray Kowalski.

"He's comin' back," he said. "He just, er, needs some time on his own in the snow. Ya know how he finds the cold, um, therpa..., er, thermapu..."

Helen couldn't help but smile. "Therapeutic," she helped him out, "and of course you're right. I just thought he might have come back by now that's all. I want to tell him... I want to..."

"Sshhh," Ray held both of her hands now as she tried to hold back the tears.

"You didn't see him Ray," Helen sniffed.

"Should we go look for him?" suggested Ray Vecchio. Sure Helen would turn to Kowalski in a crisis, he thought. He might as well not even have been there himself, he didn't know what to say to her anyway. He'd been shocked at the way Benny had spoken to her, but deep down he knew it was somehow all his fault. If only they'd resolved this before he'd left, if only the FBI hadn't put him on that stupid undercover mission, maybe they would have got around to talking about it eventually? If only... 

Ray Kowalski sneered. "He's not lost Vecchio," he snapped. Then he turned back to Helen. "Whatever he said he didn't mean it, OK, he just, er, gets crazy when ya try to talk to him about, y'know..." he glanced uncomfortably at Vecchio.

"I should have known he'd have told you about the new x-rays," Helen smiled a little again. Now Ray felt a little smug, he and Fraser talked about a lot of things, clearly far more than Fraser and Vecchio ever did, that much was obvious. Then he felt even more uncomfortable with the other Ray in the room, almost sorry for the guy...almost.

"Yeah well, I, er, I don't think he wanted to," Ray replied, awkwardly, "but Jackie saw you guys come in for the appointment, she thought maybe Fraser was sick."

Helen nodded. “I should never have forced him to go to that appointment,” she sighed, sitting down on the couch with the Rays taking a chair each.

“I don’t get why Benny’s so determined not to have surgery,” Ray Vecchio shook his head. “After all this time...you said he thinks I saved his life by shooting him, do you think it’s some kind of sentimental reason?”

Ray Kowalski shook his head. “Jeez Vecchio, don’t ya get it? He’s punishin’ himself!”

“So he thinks he deserves to spend the rest of his whole life with my bullet in his back, because of what he let her do to him?” asked Ray, “Because he was going to get on that train with her?”

Now Ray Kowalski slapped his own forehead in frustration. “Ya really don’t get it do ya?” 

“Enlighten me Stanley,” the other Ray snapped back.

“He doesn’t care about what she did to him, she, er, she screwed with his head, he gets that. He’ll never get over it maybe, but he’s kinda made peace with himself I think,” Ray tried to explain, “but he’ll never, ever, get over what he did to you Vecchio. Ya could’ve lost your home, er, your job, everythin’ and he thinks about that every time he sees that goddam scar in the mirror, every time he takes a shower, or changes his clothes.”

Ray Vecchio’s mouth fell open. Of all the things that happened during those few days, those were the least important things in his mind, what on earth was Benny thinking? “But, but...” he couldn’t formulate a sentence.

“But, Vecchio, he’s never gonna want rid of that bullet until he, er, gets over the guilt of damn near ruinin’ your life!” Ray was gesticulating with his hands now, Vecchio really had no idea about this did he. What the hell did the two of them ever talk about when they were on a stakeout? What did they talk about over a pizza and a game? What the hell kind of friendship did they have anyway?

Suddenly the three of them jumped to their feet as they heard the front door slam. “Well Ray,” Fraser took off his coat and boots, until he was standing there in just the red longjohns that he’d gone out in hours earlier, “I’m so glad you can read my mind.” His voice was calm and controlled, but then he couldn’t keep his mask up any longer. He took a few steps closer and spoke directly to Helen, his voice completely different now, quiet and full of emotion. “Helen, I’m so...I’m so sorry.”

Helen ran to him and threw his arms around him. “God, I’m sorry Ben, I should never have...”

“Sshhh,” Fraser broke free from her arms and put a single finger on her lips. “This is my fault and I have to do something about it.” His voice cracked and Helen saw his eyes glistening, just as hers were.

“OK Vecchio,” Ray grabbed the other Ray’s arm, “we’re outta here. Girls are both sleepin’ right?”

Ray Vecchio nodded. “Yeah, but I...Benny, I...”

Fraser couldn’t break eye contact with Helen.

“Not now Vecchio,” Ray dragged him to the door, grabbing his coat and throwing it at him. Then he turned to Fraser and flung his arm around his shoulders. “Fix this, buddy,” he said in a low voice and Fraser nodded slowly, still without taking his eyes off Helen.

Ray Vecchio put on his coat and watched as Kowalski walked out of the door. He hesitated, he wanted to talk to Benny, he wanted to throw his arm around his old friend too, but he just couldn’t. He wanted to tell him he didn’t need to feel guilty about Victoria any more, to tell him that he understood and that he didn’t care about nearly losing his house, all he ever cared about was losing Benny...but then he saw the look in his friend’s eyes and realised that this wasn’t the time. “Later Benny,” he said and followed Ray out of the house.

Fraser waited until he heard the engine start before he let the tears fall. “I’m so...I’m so sorry,” he breathed, “I...I feel utterly unable to articulate...”

“Sshhh, it’s OK,” replied Helen, forcing half a smile, “I didn’t know, Ben, I didn’t realise...”

“I thought I’d healed,” sighed Fraser, wiping his face dry with the back of his hand, “I mean, once I was able to talk to someone, to talk to Ray, I thought I’d dealt with all of my demons, but he’s absolutely right, the one thing I can’t reconcile is what I did to Ray.”

“Then you need to talk to Ray about it,” replied Helen, “Ray Vecchio I mean. Why can’t you talk to him the way you can with Ray? Ray Kowalski...” Helen let out a tiny laugh, “this is very confusing.”

Fraser laughed too. “Indeed it is,” he nodded. Then his face was serious again. “I honestly don’t know why...they’re both my dearest friends, but...” his voice trailed off as he tried to make sense of it. If only he and Ray had talked about this while they were rebuilding his father’s cabin after he’d recovered from the gunshot wound. That was the main purpose of the trip, they both knew that, they’d decided to get away from Chicago for a while and work on the cabin. They both knew they were there to talk about what had happened, but they simply hadn’t done that, not really. Of course they’d talked about it a lot, but not necessarily the important things. They hadn’t talked about their feelings, they’d skirted round that, avoided it, instead concentrating on the facts surrounding the events. 

Of course at that stage, Fraser was still under her spell, whatever it was that Victoria had over him. He realised that now, it had actually taken him a very long time before he even started to get over her. He’d been in love with her then, even when he realised what she’d done to him he was still in love with her and for a very long time afterwards that love wouldn’t go away. He didn’t really understand it. He was going to get on that train and go with her and if Ray’s bullet hadn’t stopped him then he would have done. Then afterwards, throughout his physical recovery and for many months, even years beyond, he would think about how much he still wanted to be with her and deep down he resented Ray for stopping him. For so long afterwards he would think about that last image he had of her, as he was falling backwards onto the platform, with the searing pain surging through his whole body. Burning pain...he could have passed out but he’d fought it, he’d fought so hard to stay awake so that he could see her one last time. Her sad eyes, her hand reaching out to him, her hair...oh god, he’d wanted to go with her, he would have given his life for her, but at that moment he fought so hard to stay alive because he couldn’t bear the thought of being without her. The poem...he’d recited the poem for her...

But then he’d met Helen and his world changed. Now he knew what it really meant to love and whatever he’d had with Victoria just seemed like a distant nightmare. 

“Ben, please don’t cry,” Helen couldn’t take it any more. “I love you, we’ll work this out, I’ll help you I promise. You helped me once to deal with my past and now it’s my turn. You just have to talk to Ray, it won’t be that hard I’m sure.”

Fraser smiled. “I’m sure,” he repeated, desperately trying to convince himself. “I love you too,” he added, pulling her towards him again. “I promise I’ll never treat you like that again, I don’t know why...”

“I probably deserved it,” Helen hugged him tightly. “I should never have betrayed you like that.”

“No, you didn’t betray me,” whispered Fraser, “you were trying to help me, I understand that.” He looked deep into her eyes. He’d never meant to hurt her, he never wanted to feel like that again, his anger had been completely misdirected towards her and towards Ray, but the anger inside him was all for Victoria. Love had been replaced by hate, both were equally as destructive he realised that now. Suddenly his lips were pressed against Helen’s, his head was spinning, he’d risked losing her over this...he kissed her deeply and she reacted with equal passion, running one hand through his hair as they kissed. Their tongues worked as if they’d never done this before, as if their lives depended on this and maybe in Fraser’s head they did.

He lifted her off the ground and carried her to the sofa, lowering her gently onto the cushions. They barely broke apart from their kiss and he kneeled down beside her, tugging at her shirt, pulling buttons off in his desperation, until her shirt lay open and his hands explored her bare skin.

Helen grabbed at his longjohns, snapping open the fasteners until she could pull them of his shoulders and down to his waist. Fraser began to kiss her neck, moving down to her collarbone and then back up to just behind her ear. Helen whimpered at his touch and his hands moved down to her thighs. She reached out and grasped the crumpled red material around his hips, lifting him up off his knees and then in less than a second they were both naked, she would never get over the seemingly superhuman speeds in which he was able to accomplish things. She hitched her knees up and he climbed onto the couch, pressing himself against her and then shifted his weight, ready, so ready, but... “Ben...” she breathed, “we should...Stella could walk out...or Sarah...”

Fraser immediately released her. “Of course,” he said, panting for breath, he wanted her, he needed her. He lifted her up in his strong arms. “Bed...” was the only word he could manage.

xXx

“There’s nothing more unnerving to men than talking about feelings,” said Ray Vecchio, staring out of the window as they made another circuit of the town.

“What moron told ya that?” asked Ray Kowalski, shaking his head and gripping the steering wheel until his knuckles started to go white.

“Fraser,” replied Ray and the other Ray was shocked. “It was years ago though.” He added with a sigh. There was another moment of silence. “How long do you think we should give them?”

“Dunno?” Came the reply. They’d been driving around like this for over an hour as the sun came up over the icy streets of Inuvik. Ray didn’t really know what to say to Vecchio. He could see the guy was hurting, but he figured he’d said enough already, Fraser seemed mad at him earlier for trying to explain what was going through his head. He may have got it all wrong of course, he didn’t think he had, but he may have done. It was only fair that Fraser himself should be the one to explain his own thoughts and feelings to Vecchio, no matter how hard he found it.

“Stella might be awake by now,” Ray glanced at his watch. “Although she was pretty tired when she came to bed.”

“How long was she sittin’ with Sarah?” asked the other Ray.

“Most of the night I think,” he replied. 

“She seems quite, er, good with the kid,” noted Ray. He’d never really seen Stella interact with a teenager before, not this well anyway. 

“I know,” Stella’s fiancé half smiled. “Interesting isn’t it.” 

Ray nodded in agreement. “So, er, did ya never want kids Vecchio?” he asked.

The other man shrugged. “Not really, I don’t think so anyway,” he replied. “I mean, I guess when I married Ange, I kind of assumed we would one day, but that all fell apart so...I don’t know? Stella doesn’t so I haven’t really thought about it any more. I grew up surrounded by kids, so I figure maybe I’ve done all that.”

Ray was surprised. He’d always assumed that Vecchio would want hundreds of kids, that’s what Italians did wasn’t it, had big families? “You and the Stella are made for each other,” he observed.

Ray smiled. “Yeah I think we are Stanley,” he said, “she told me you always wanted kids and that caused an issue between the two of you.”

Ray’s nostrils flared slightly, the jerk had called him Stanley again and anyway, he wasn’t sure how he felt about Stella discussing personal stuff with Vecchio? “Yeah,” he replied, curtly, “but Maggie and me are on the same page, so it’s all greatness now.”

“Funny how things turn out,” Ray Vecchio had returned to staring out of the window. “I mean, I never thought I’d be running a bowling alley, that’s for sure.”

“How’s the bowlin’ business anyway?” asked the other Ray, pleased that the focus of the conversation had shifted.

“It’s good,” was the reply, “but, um, we’re going to hire a manager when we get back home, I’ve had enough. Now Stella’s got her licence and she’s going to go back into practice, I figured I’d do something else too. The bowling business will keep us comfortable financially, so it’s not about the money, it’s...” he trailed off. He’d wanted to talk to Benny about all this, but Benny had his own issues he realised. Maybe Stanley wasn’t such a jerk after all? The way he’d handled Helen earlier was certainly an eye opener for Ray. He was another ex cop too, maybe he’d actually understand more than Benny would anyway?

“It’s what?” prompted Ray.

“I’m gonna set myself up as a PI,” he announced. “I gotta do something Stanley, it’s driving me crazy. I know I can’t be a cop any more and truth is, I don’t think I want to be, but I guess I figure there’s still something I can do with what I know? There’s still people out there who I can...” 

“Help?” Ray interrupted him and the other man nodded. “Ya sound like Fraser,” he rolled his eyes.

Ray shrugged. “Maybe,” he admitted. Fraser had a habit of getting under your skin. Before he’d ever met the Mountie his career was going from bad to worse, he’d lost sight of why he’d become a cop in the first place and he was in danger of losing himself. Fraser’s arrival had somehow changed all that. 

Ray Kowalski thought for a minute. Could he ever see himself going back to Police work? Would he ever want to be a private investigator like Vecchio? He seems kinda excited about it... But no, no way would he ever want to do that again. He was happy with his life, moving up here was the best decision he ever made. He felt as though he should say something encouraging though, the poor guy was having a bad enough morning already. “Er, Vecchio,” said Ray, “good luck with that.”


	10. Chapter 10

Eventually Ray had to get to work so he took the other Ray back to Fraser and Helen’s. They’d already left by the time the Rays got there, but Stella and Sarah were eating breakfast.

“Er, did they seem OK to you Stell?” asked Ray Kowalski.

“Helen and Fraser? Yes, why do you ask?” Stella sipped her coffee.

“No reason,” shrugged Ray in response.

“They slept in a little late, I thought Fraser was always up at dawn,” Stella continued.

“They were both awake in the night, that was my fault,” admitted Sarah as she poured herself a glass of juice.

Ray smiled to himself. “Yeah, that was, er, that’s probably it,” he said. He was less worried about his friends now. So they ‘slept in’ did they? He thought to himself. Make up sex, I never thought ya had it in ya buddy. He exchanged a glance with Ray Vecchio, who was obviously thinking the same thing and nodded approvingly.

Just then Ray’s phone rang. It was Maggie who was already at the RCMP station. Some legal paperwork had arrived for Sarah to look at and she suggested Stella might be able to help her with it. Stella was agreeable to that so they quickly finished their breakfast and Ray drove them and Ray into town on his way to the hospital.

xXx

“So I can use this money for school fees,” Sarah was doing her best to understand all the documents. Fraser and Helen had been given temporary legal guardianship of her, but they agreed that Sarah was old enough to make her own decisions about her future, but of course they would try to guide her as best they could. 

Sarah felt quite overwhelmed by all the adults that were suddenly caring for her. She’d grown up an only child with a single parent and her relationship with her mother had been strained at times, particularly recently, but now people were falling over themselves to help her, she couldn’t quite believe it and she wasn’t sure how to deal with it. She was just waiting for them to all show their true colours. They were only being nice to her because they felt sorry for her, because they’d been her mother’s friends, she thought. She was scared when she thought about her future. She was used to spending time on her own, she’d spent a lot of her childhood that way, but now as she prepared to go out into the big wide world, she suddenly felt terribly alone.

Stella tried to explain her options to her. She reminded her that as a minor she had certain restrictions on her finances and her life choices until she reached eighteen. Sarah just wanted to leave Inuvik, she knew that much, she had to get away from this town. “Are there good school in Florida?” she asked out of the blue.

Stella glanced at Ray. “Well,” she began, “there are a few, but I thought you wanted to go to New York. Of course you realise you may not get as much choice as you hope, the family courts will have the final say.”

Sarah closed her eyes and took a deep breath. Why did her mother have to die and leave her in this mess? She was suddenly overcome with emotion, her mum was dead and she was still ruining her life, how was this fair. She leapt up from her chair.

“Hey, you OK?” asked Ray.

“I’m fine,” lied Sarah, walking away from them.

“You sure about that?” Ray continued.

“I need to pee,” snapped Sarah. “Or do you have a problem with that?”

“Sarah, we’re trying to help you here,” Stella snapped back, but Ray grabbed her arm and shook his head as the girl disappeared round the corner.

“Let her go,” Ray urged. Then he grinned. “Hey, I bet you were just like that at her age.”

Stella nodded. “I was exactly like that,” she admitted, “it’s like looking back at my past, it’s slightly disturbing actually. I was angry with the world, angry with my parents, with my so called friends...and then I walked into a bank...and there was Ray.”

Ray nodded. She hadn’t really explained to him what had happened in the bank that day, but he knew it must have been something special for his fiancée to fall head over heels in love with Stanley Kowalski. “I wonder why she’s thinking about Florida now?” Ray asked, shifting the subject away from Stella’s ex-husband.

Stella looked at him incredulously. “Why do you think?” she rolled her eyes. “What are we meant to say to her?”

It suddenly dawned on Ray. “You mean she wants us to take her in? We can’t do that? We can’t be her parents?”

“I can’t be anyone’s mother Ray.” Stella sighed. 

“I’m not asking you to replace my mother!” Sarah’s voice startled Ray and Stella, she’d heard everything they’d been saying.

“Sarah,” Stella leapt up from her chair as Sarah ran out of the room. She reached out and grabbed the girl’s arm, spinning her round to face her. “I’m sorry, but you can’t expect me to...”

“I’m not expecting you to do anything,” Sarah shook herself free and just looked at Stella with sad eyes.

Stella took a breath and forced herself to calm down. She wasn’t exactly sure what she was feeling now. This wasn’t the first time the idea of taking Sarah in had popped into her head. Last night when she was sitting with the girl while she slept, she’d felt the strangest thing, she’d felt protective towards her...maybe this was what it felt like to have maternal feelings? She wasn’t sure. She’d forced herself to believe that it was simply because it was an emotional situation for all of them. She wasn’t heartless, despite what some people thought of her she did actually care for people. She’d cared about her clients when she was prosecuting their violent boyfriends and husbands, she still cared about her ex-husband, even after everything that had happened between them and it was only natural that her heart would go out to a teenage girl who had suddenly found herself orphaned in such a terrible way. She smiled at Sarah. “Let’s just go and sort out these documents,” she said, taking her elbow and gently leading her back to Ray.

Sarah didn’t know what to think. She felt like she’d made a fool of herself in front of Stella and that was absolutely that last thing she’d wanted to do.

xXx

“Is everything alright?” Maggie and Fraser walked into the hospital with their hats tucked under their arms. “You seem a little distant this morning?”

“Distant?” Fraser thought for a moment. He had so many things on his mind now. He knew he had to talk to Ray Vecchio and soon, but solving the murder of Sarah’s mother, his friend, was his top priority now. He and Helen were fine, they’d made love and talked and made love some more and part of him couldn’t help feeling that he didn’t deserve her, but in his heart he knew they belonged together. She was going to help him tackle the demons from his past and he loved her more than he ever thought was possible. “I do apologise Maggie,” he said. “A have a few things on my mind at this juncture.”

“Anything I can assist you with?” asked Maggie, but before her brother had a chance to reply, Helen walked out of the lift.

“Hi,” she smiled at Maggie and kissed Fraser, lingering on his lips slightly longer than Maggie would have usually expected in a public place.

“How is Mrs Chester this morning?” Fraser enquired as soon as his mouth was free, clearing his throat after he spoke.

“Much better,” explained Helen. “I believe she could have some important information for you, I’ve been talking to her a little myself.”

"Good morning Jackie, Ray will be here shortly," Maggie smiled at the security officer on the front desk as they passed.

"Please could you take care of Diefenbaker for me," Fraser asked Jackie, glancing down at his wolf. "He knows he shouldn't even be in the building, but you know how stubborn he can be." Dief growled. "Well yes, you continue to convince yourself of that and I'm sure we'll all be happy," Fraser replied, rolling his eyes.

Fraser and Maggie both felt hopeful that they could make some progress today as they followed Helen up to the woman’s hospital room.

Carol-Ann was in a far better state than she was the day before and clearly in a lot less pain. She began to tell them about everything that had happened. She’d known she was pregnant for a few weeks and she was waiting for the right moment to tell her husband. She’d hoped the baby could bring them closer together. Fraser, Maggie and Helen had to stop themselves from commenting on that. They couldn’t understand why she would want to be closer to the man who treated her that way, the man who beat her, humiliated her and who she was so scared of she’d hidden it from everyone for so many years. Carol-Ann became upset now and Helen was quick to comfort her. “I never thought I’d have a baby,” she sobbed, “we gave up trying years ago and then suddenly this happened and I didn’t know what to do, I didn’t know what he’d say.”

“We’re terribly sorry for your loss,” said Fraser seriously. “But what did your husband say?” he prompted gently.

“He said it couldn’t be his baby,” replied Carol-Ann, in a quiet voice. “Then he threw a chair at me and left. That was the night before this happened and he didn’t come home.”

“I’m sorry to have to ask you this,” Maggie began, “but is there a possibility that he was correct and the baby wasn’t his?”

Carol-Ann went quiet. She looked at Maggie, she wanted to speak, but she didn’t know how to explain it. 

“Mrs Chester, we appreciate this is a sensitive issue, however we have reason to believe that your husband is responsible for the death of Constable Alison Malling,” Fraser kept his voice even and coated his lower lip with his tongue as he thought about how to phrase the next question. “Was your husband justified in his opinion that he was not the father of your unborn child?”

“I don’t know,” whispered Carol-Ann. “I wanted it to be his, I really did, but...”

“I know this isn’t easy for you,” Helen spoke sympathetically. Just then there was a beeping sound. "Excuse me, that's my pager," said Helen, glancing at the small device attached to her belt. She frowned. "It’s the security desk?" she explained, "I need to use the telephone, I won't be a moment." Helen smiled at Fraser as she left the room.

The two Mounties listened as Carol-Ann spoke again. “It was just one night,” Carol-Ann’s voice was barely audible. “Just one night, I didn’t even think about getting pregnant? It didn’t cross my mind.”

“Carol-Ann, did you engage in sexual activity with a man other than your husband?” asked Maggie, trying not to get frustrated with the woman. Carol-Ann had suffered a terrible trauma and was finding it so hard to talk about all of this, but they needed the information if they were ever to bring Alison’s killer to justice. Carol-Ann responded with a nod. “Who?” Maggie pushed her, realising this could be important. If Derek Chester knew his wife had cheated on him, how would he react? What would that level of anger make him capable of?

“Steve,” replied Carol-Ann, “Steve Bagshaw.”

“Your husband’s former business partner?” questioned Fraser and Carol-Ann nodded. “Do you have any reason to believe that your husband is aware of that particular liaison?” Fraser continued. Carol-Ann could only shrug. Her husband accused her of things all the time, usually they weren’t true, but this time he’d been right. Whether he knew he was right or not, she couldn’t say.

Then Helen came running back in. "That was Jackie," she announced, panic in her voice, "she said Derek Chester just walked in the front door! Ray's gone after him."

Everyone was shocked. "Go!" Maggie said to Fraser urgently, "I'll stay here."

Fraser didn't need telling twice and ran out of the room, racing down the stairs to the main entrance. Dief immediately joined him and they ran outside, only to find a rather dejected Ray walking towards them. “Lost him,” sighed Ray, panting for breath. He angrily snatched a handful of leaves from an evergreen he as he walked past and threw them on the ground.

“Ray there’s no need to attack innocent foliage,” Fraser noted. He knew that would annoy Ray, but he’d just said it while he fought his real anger down, maintaining his composure now was vital if he was to concentrate on finding the fugitive. 

Ray sneered, but he wasn’t in the mood for fighting with his buddy now, there were far more important things to worry about. “It took me a second to realise who it was,” he shook head, angry with himself for the delay. Maybe if he’d been quicker off the mark then Chester wouldn’t have got away?

“He simply walked through the door?” Fraser enquired, tugging at his earlobe as he thought about it. Ray nodded. “We certainly weren’t expecting that.” He was just as frustrated as Ray and he couldn’t understand what Derek Chester had been thinking.

“Yeah,” Ray nodded as they headed back inside. “Did ya get anythin’ from the wife?”

“Yes, a possible motive,” replied Fraser.

“Greatness,” Ray grabbed a plastic cup of water from the cooler by the front door and gulped it down in one go. He didn’t get to do quite so much running around as he had done back in Chicago and he was still out of breath. Occasionally, when he was unofficially liaising with Fraser on something...and that idea still gave him a buzz...they would have reason to chase a suspect and it was just like old times, but clearly he needed to work out more.

“I should get back upstairs to Mrs Chester,” said Fraser.

“I’ll come with ya buddy,” added Ray, “I’m gonna watch her door with Collins, if that creep tries to get to her he’ll, er, he’ll have to get past two of us.” He picked up a radio and strapped it onto his belt. “Jackie, if ya see anythin’...” he tapped the radio unit and Jackie nodded in agreement.

As they reached Carol-Ann’s room Maggie was just coming out. “Did you get him?” she asked urgently.

“No, I’m sorry, he evaded capture,” replied Fraser.

Maggie sighed and glanced back towards the door of Carol-Ann’s room. “She was very upset,” she explained, “Helen’s trying to calm her down. She did talk some more though.” 

They stood to one side, out of the earshot of Ray’s colleague and Maggie explained that Carol-Ann had called Alison that afternoon after coming to a big decision. She’d decided to leave her husband. She’d packed a bag and she was going to leave, but she was scared and she’d called Alison for some support. The Mountie had been such a good friend to her in recent months. Carol-Ann had told them that Alison was the only one who knew all about the way her husband treated her and she’d been so patient with her, she never forced her to do or say anything she didn’t want to, not until she was ready. So now she’d reached this life changing decision and she wanted Alison to come and help her, she was scared in case her husband came home before she’d had a chance to leave. She wanted Alison to drive her to the airport and book a ticket, she’d never done anything like that before and she was terrified. She didn’t care where she went, anywhere that was away from Derek.

“I guess her bastard of a husband did come home,” sighed Ray.

“Did Carol-Ann see the gunman?” asked Fraser.

Maggie sighed. “That’s just it Benton, she didn’t. We’re assuming it was Derek, but there’s no evidence. It could have been anyone. At least she’s finally admitting to his abuse,” she noted.

“Yeah, funny how someone shootin’ ya can really turn ya against ‘em,” Ray pointed out, raising his eyebrows with a sneer. The radio on his belt crackled into life. “Jackie,” he held it close to his mouth and spoke, listening to the response. “What!” he exclaimed, “you’ve gotta be kidddin’ me, has he got a, er, a death wish or somethin’? OK, we’re on it. I want people on every exit and, er, be careful, he could be armed.”

Fraser and Maggie looked alarmed. 

“Chester, he’s back,” explained Ray, reattaching his radio to his belt. “Jackie saw him on the feed from the back stairwell.” The two Mounties couldn’t believe the nerve of the man. Ray spoke to his subordinate. “OK, Collins, stay here, we’re gonna try to intercept him, but if he gets through then he’s all yours.” Ray took a firm physical stance as he gave his orders.

“Maggie, perhaps you should stay and provide back up for Mr Collins?” suggested Fraser. Maggie nodded her agreement. They had every faith in Ray’s colleague, but he was armed only with a taser. Derek Chester had already killed one Police officer apparently, so they would all feel better with an armed Mountie there too.

“Greatness,” nodded Ray. He knew Maggie was perfectly capable of handling herself and of using her weapon if necessary, but it still unnerved him slightly to think that she could come face to face with a cop killer at any moment. “Come on, pitter patter,” he said to Fraser. Ray had returned to his usual agitated demeanour and he ran off along the corridor with his buddy close behind.

They reached the fire door that lead to the back stairs. Ray got back on his radio, speaking in a low voice. “Jackie, do ya still see him? What floor? We’re on two.” He listened to the reply and clicked off the radio. “He’s on his way up,” he told Fraser. His heart was pounding with anticipation, he wanted to nail this guy so badly now. Fraser pressed his ear to the door and signalled to Ray to move back and get down. Ray returned a hand signal of agreement and he couldn’t help grinning to himself. Just like the old days, he thought. 

Fraser took up a position on the opposite side of the corridor. His hand hovered over his gun holster, he really didn’t want to draw his weapon, not in the hospital and he hoped he wouldn’t have to. They waited, it seemed like forever before the door opened and a rather dishevelled looking man staggered out and looked around, seemingly disorientated. Fraser stepped into view. “Derek Chester?” he called out and the man spun round to look at him. “RCMP,” Fraser announced, although Chester had already figured that much out from the bright red uniform. His first instinct was to launch at Fraser, trying to punch him in the face and although the Mountie was easily able to avoid any contact with the man’s fist it was enough of a delaying tactic and Chester was on the run again. Ray ran after him and Fraser followed as soon as he’d regained his balance. 

Chester leapt athletically over a trolley before spinning it round and sending it hurtling towards his pursuers. It caught Ray’s foot, causing him to stumble slightly, but Fraser leapt over the scene and continued the chase. “Police! Please stop immediately!” Fraser shouted after him, but Chester ignored him. They rounded a corner, narrowly avoiding two nurses who were walking along carrying trays of medical equipment, before it was Chester’s turn to stumble. Fraser took his chance and tackled the man to the ground. He struggled hard and Fraser was grateful when Ray caught up seconds later. 

“Get off me!” yelled the man, kicking out at his captors. “I want to see my wife! Carol-Ann!” he screamed and squirmed but Fraser and Ray held him down tightly. 

“I suggest you refrain from this current course of action,” Fraser was fighting to keep his own self control. He could so easily have laid into this man, he wanted to see him pay for what he’d done.

Chester squirmed and yelled some more before finally he submitted and Ray dragged him to his knees with his hands pulled tightly behind his back as Fraser pulled the handcuffs from the pouch on his belt. They could both smell the overpowering scent of alcohol on the man’s breath and Ray pulled a face. “Derek Chester,” Fraser snapped the handcuffs around the man’s wrists. “You are under arrest.”


	11. Chapter 11

“Here, I thought you might need this,” Helen sat down at the table opposite Ray in the staff room at the hospital and handed him a large cup of coffee.

“Thanks,” Ray smiled at her. “How’s Mrs Chester? Er, did ya tell her we got her husband?”

Helen screwed her face up. “She’s not good Ray,” she replied, “her whole world has fallen apart. I think she’s strong though, I’ll think she’ll get through this.” Ray nodded. “Must feel good though, I mean, you got him, you and Ben.”

“Yeah,” replied Ray quietly.

Helen frowned. “You don’t sound very happy about it?”

Ray shrugged. “Don’t get me wrong, it felt great y’know, me and Fraser, taking down a criminal and he’s gonna get the book thrown at him for everythin’ he’s done to his wife, but...”

Helen was puzzled as Ray trailed off. “But what Ray?”

“Somthin’s queer,” replied Ray, “it doesn’t add up. These guys are all the same, they do it for the, er, the power, the control. He’s controlled her for years, he beats on her and god knows what else and he gets a kick outta that. So...so why try to kill her?”

“Because he didn’t want the baby? Because he was convinced the baby wasn’t his? I don’t know,” Helen admitted. 

“Yeah, but he kills her and that’s the end of his game?” Ray explained, “If he was a murderer, he would have done it years ago. Doesn’t make sense.” Ray gulped down his coffee. “I can’t wait to get home tonight, all this is givin’ me a headache or somethin’.”

“How are things...with you and Maggie I mean?” asked Helen. They hadn’t really had a chance to chat since her friends had returned from their weekend away. She had a feeling that everything was alright, but she wanted to be sure.

“Greatness,” Ray grinned. “I, er, I’m not havin’ trouble any more with...um, y’know...” Helen smiled, she knew what he meant and his embarrassment made him very endearing. “So, I guess we just keep tryin’ and see what happens,” he continued with a laugh, “It’s kinda fun tryin’.”

“Well that’s the main thing Ray,” Helen replied.

Ray nodded. “I gotta go, thanks for the coffee Hel.”

“I’ll talk to Carol-Ann some more when she wakes up,” said Helen, “maybe there’s something else, something we don’t know?” Ray nodded and Helen watched him go, maybe he was right? There was no doubt that Derek Chester was a nasty piece of work, but was he really a murderer? 

xXx

Fraser and Maggie arrived back at the station with Derek Chester. They manhandled him out of the car and towards the door. “I want to see my wife!” he demanded. “They said someone shot her, you can’t do this to me.”

“Mr Chester, I would advise you to be quiet,” said Fraser, fighting the urge to temporarily silence this man with his fists.

“I demand to see my lawyer!” Chester yelled as they walked into the station.

“They will be contacted for you,” began Maggie, but she was interrupted by Ray and Stella who came running out.

“Benny, thank god,” began Ray, then he noticed Derek Chester. “Is this him? I called the hospital and they told me you were already on the way over here.”

Fraser and Maggie nodded. “Constable Qannik, please take this man to the cells.” Fraser asked his colleague. Chester was still shouting as he was lead away.

“What’s wrong?” asked Maggie, Stella was looking particularly worried.

“It’s Sarah,” replied Ray, “she’s gone. We can’t find her anywhere.”

“We think she went about twenty minutes ago,” added Stella, “and she’s taken a horse. We went down to the stables to see if she was there and Digby’s gone.”

“What happened?” asked Maggie.

“She was upset,” explained Ray, “I’ll explain later. We thought she was OK, but then we got talking to Qannik and she just disappeared. She left this note, if you can call it a note.” He handed a small square of paper to Fraser. There were just two scribbled words on it...’I’m leaving.’

Fraser understood why they were so concerned now, he felt the same. “If she’s riding Digby then she won’t have got too far,” said Fraser, “but she does have a head start. I’ll saddle a horse and go after her.”

“I’ll come with you,” said Maggie

“No,” said Stella suddenly, “one of you should start processing Derek Chester. The last thing you want is for his lawyer to trip you up over an administrative oversight. I’ll come with you Fraser. This is probably my fault anyway.”

“I’ll stay here in case she comes back,” said Ray. There was no way he was getting on a horse again and besides, there was a possibility that she could come back here when she’s had time to calm down.

Maggie glanced at Fraser. Stella was making a lot of sense. “Alright,” said Fraser, finally and he and Stella went out to the stables.

xXx

Fraser and Stella rode out together, following the trail that Fraser easily picked up leading from the RCMP stables. They rode at a steady gallop where they could, slowing down only when the terrain required it. Fraser was impressed by Stella’s riding skills and determination. He tried to briefly explain how he was tracking Sarah and she took it all in. After a short while they saw Digby, the docile horse was standing between some trees, munching his way through a luscious looking shrub. They went over to him slowly so as not to startle the animal, but he was content to continue eating.

Stella leaned down and gently patted his neck, then she noticed something. “Fraser look at this,” she said as she tugged at the saddle strapped onto Digby. It slipped easily around. “It’s not been fastened properly, that’s not like Sarah. As soon as they picked up any kind of speed she would have been in trouble.”

“Agreed,” said Fraser, anxiously looking around for any sign of Sarah. He was very worried now, if she has fallen off she could be lying injured somewhere. 

Stella tied Digby to a tree and then got back on her own horse. “We’ll come back for him later,” she said.

“Right you are. This way,” Fraser set off around the trees and Stella followed him, he’d been able to pick out Digby’s trail again and they followed it for a few minutes. 

Then finally, to their huge relief, they found her. She was huddled beside the stump of a dead tree and had built a small fire that she was trying to light by rubbing two dry sticks together. Stella was about to dismount and run to her, but Fraser held out his hand in silence to stop her. Instead he was the one to dismount and Stella held his horse while he walked over to her, carrying a blanket he’d brought with him. 

As he got closer Sarah became aware of his presence. She wished she could just disappear right now, she’d wanted to leave all this behind, the stupid snow, all of it, but all she’d done was get herself into trouble. Fraser crouched down beside her, but she didn’t look at him. “Can I help you with that?” he asked. 

“Go away and leave me alone,” snapped Sarah, still frantically rubbing the sticks together. 

“You know I can’t do that,” replied Fraser gently and Sarah threw the sticks on the ground in frustration. Fraser picked them up, struck one against the other and almost instantly there was a roaring fire. “There,” he said, settling himself down on the ground next to her and wrapping the blanket around her shoulders. She said nothing. “Why did you leave?” asked Fraser, thinking the best thing to do was to be direct with her. 

“Why do you think?” sighed Sarah without looking at him.

Fraser considered his response. He looked up at the sun. “I believe you’re heading in the wrong direction if you wish to travel to New York.”

Now Sarah looked at him. “That’s not funny,” she sneered.

“It wasn’t meant to be,” replied Fraser, “it was a statement of fact.” 

"Why won't you leave me alone? You know nothing about me, you don't know how I feel,” Sarah retorted aggressively, “I hate you all, I hate you!"

“Sarah I understand how you must be feeling...” began Fraser, but Sarah interrupted him.

"Nobody knows how I feel," she yelled at him.

Fraser started to speak again, but Sarah suddenly lashed out at him, she tried to push him away, but he ducked to avoid her, then she yelled in frustration and tried to slap his face, but he caught her wrist in hers and held it firmly, but without hurting her as she struggled to free herself. "Sarah," he said softly, "everything is going to be alright..."

Sarah took one look at him, really looked at him, deep into his eyes and realised that he truly believed that. He believed in her and he trusted that things would really be OK eventually. For the first time she noticed something about him that she'd never really noticed before, he was really hot, for an older guy, his eyes were a beautiful colour and when he smiled at her she felt tingly and safe, that was weird, she didn’t know what to do now. She found herself blushing and smiling through the tears that began to pour down her face.

"It's alright," he said again and released her wrist as she collapsed into him, completely overwhelmed by emotion. 

"I miss her," she sobbed, “I miss her so much. It’s not fair...it’s not fair.” Fraser held her, trying to soothe her as she wept in his arms. 

Stella hesitated for a few minutes, she didn’t know what to do for the best. Her first thought was to let Fraser deal with it all, he was much better at this sort of thing, she would most likely say something wrong and make the poor girl feel worse. She’d already done enough damage earlier at the station, she thought to herself.

Sarah calmed down a little and accepted Fraser’s handkerchief to dry her eyes. “Thanks,” she mumbled. 

“I wish you’d talked to someone about this,” Fraser said sadly. Perhaps they had been neglecting her, the focus had been on apprehending whoever had killed Sarah’s mother, but they should have ensured her emotional wellbeing was being properly managed.

Sarah hung her head. “I thought it would be easier for all of you this way,” she sighed.

“Did you injure yourself falling from Digby?” asked Fraser. He could see some scratches on her face, but if she had fallen off at any kind of speed he knew she could have other injuries.

“No,” replied Sarah, somewhat unconvincingly. “The saddle wasn’t on properly, that was stupid, I guess I was in a hurry, I just wanted to get away.”

“Sarah,” began Fraser, “I know you have plans and I know you have your pride, but there’s no shame in accepting our help. You’re still young, no one expects you to look after yourself.”

“I’m sorry, I don’t know what to do Fraser?” Sarah’s voice was quiet, she wished she could be as positive about her future as Fraser was. She’d tried so hard, but she knew she’d been lying to herself and to everyone else. She’d been putting on a mask, trying to convince everyone that she would survive, but inside she was empty. “There’s only ever been me and Mum and now she’s gone...I’m so mad with her. That’s so awful isn’t it, I’m mad with her for leaving me and...and I’m mad with her for holding me back. She already ruined my life and now she’s ruined it all over again by dying.” She started to cry again.

“You know Sarah, it’s not unusual to feel anger, it’s part of grief,” Fraser tried to explain. He paused before continuing. “I lost my mother at a young age, younger than you,” he began, “She was also murdered. I was too young to really understand, but those events shaped who I am, perhaps in more ways than I care to admit. I remember feeling anger towards my mother at that time, but also as I got older those feelings intensified.” Sarah listened to him, perhaps for the first time in days she was really listening. “Then more recently I also lost my father,” Fraser continued. “I’m afraid that he was largely absent throughout most of my life, he had his reasons, but when he died, I found it incredibly difficult to reconcile my feelings of loss with the resentment I’d felt for years.”

“I’m sorry, I didn’t know,” Sarah spoke sadly.

Fraser smiled. “In time I learnt that just because someone you love has passed away, it doesn’t change the way you felt about them when they were alive and there’s nothing wrong with that. You will find that you become more comfortable with your feelings as time passes.”

Sarah thought about his words, she hoped he was right.

“We all want to help you,” continued the Mountie, “we cared about your mother, she was our friend and we care about you. Please come back with me.”

Stella had walked over to them while Fraser was talking and she’d heard most of what he’d said. She didn’t really know much about his parents. She already knew, of course, that he’d first gone to Chicago on the trail of the killers of his father and that his search had ultimately been successful, but other than that Ray hadn’t said much about his old friend’s family.

Sarah jumped when Stella sat the other side of her on the cold ground, she hadn’t known Stella was there too and she hung her head in shame. Sarah was so embarrassed at the way she’d spoken to her back at the station. She admired Stella so much and there was no way Stella would have tried to run away from her problems like this, thought Sarah. She couldn’t look at her.

“Come on Sarah,” Stella spoke eventually, “Why don’t we get you back, it’s freezing out here, let’s forget about this. I do understand you know, I do understand how confusing this must be for you.”

Sarah looked up at her. “You’re just saying that to make me feel better,” she said.

Stella frowned. “I never say something I don’t mean Sarah,” she replied. “My father died when I was a little older than you and I think I was angry with him too, Fraser’s right, it’s a normal part of grieving, I think most people feel something similar. Of course, when I divorced Ray...” her voice trailed off, she wasn’t sure she wanted to talk about this. She’d grieved for the end of her marriage, she’d been angry with Ray, even though she still loved him. She’d been angry with herself, with life and it had taken her a long time to get over that. “Let’s just say I experienced a variety of emotions at that time,” she said. She put her hand on Sarah’s shoulder and gave it a supportive squeeze. “You don’t have to run away,” she added. 

Fraser was concerned to see Sarah wince as Stella touched her. “Are you hurt?” he asked again.

Sarah started to cry again. “My arm,” she admitted.

Fraser glanced at Stella and carefully unzipped the girl’s coat, easing it gently off her shoulders. He could see that the sleeve of her sweater was torn and blood had started to soak through. “Let’s get you back so I can take a proper look at this,” he said, helping her to her feet. “Stella perhaps you could lead Digby, Sarah can ride with me.”

He extinguished the fire and lifted Sarah onto his own horse, climbing on behind her and holding her gently around the waist with one hand, while tugging on the reigns with the other. They rode back to the RCMP station as quickly as they could.

Ray Vecchio was waiting for them. “Oh thank God you found her,” he said as Fraser carried Sarah in through the door. “Are you OK? I’ve been worried sick! Where’s Stella?”

“I’m sorry,” whimpered Sarah, she was feeling guilty now for all the trouble she’d caused.

“Hey it’s OK,” smiled Ray, squeezing her hand, “I’m just glad you’re safe, that’s all.”

“Stella is dealing with the horses,” Fraser explained. “There’s a green first aid kit in my office, could you bring it in to the Inspector’s office please.”

Ray ran to get the first aid kit and Fraser carefully laid Sarah down on the couch in the large office. He removed her coat and her sweater, grabbing a blanket and laying it across her body. Sarah turned her head away from looking at her arm. “It’s alright,” Fraser tried to reassure her, “it looks worse than it is.” He turned his attentions to her face now, in this light he could see some nasty scratches and bruising. “Is this sore?” he asked, gently brushing the hair away from her injuries.

Sarah nodded. “I guess I must look like that lady now,” she said, “y’know, the one who my Mum was trying to help.”

Fraser was a little surprised that she would know about Carol-Ann Chester. Ray brought in the first aid kit. “Chester lawyered up,” he announced with a scowl, “Maggie’s with them now, guy’s an asshole...” he stopped and looked apologetically at Sarah, “sorry,” he added.

Sarah giggled, it was funny to hear him say words like that. She heard much worse at school anyway. 

“I’ll go and help Stella,” said Ray and left the room.

Fraser washed his hands and unpacked some dressings from the green bag. “What do you know about Mrs Chester?” he asked as he snapped on some sterile gloves and began cleaning the cuts on her forearm.

“Um, I read the file,” Sarah admitted, “I know I shouldn’t have done that, but I was curious...ow...”

“Sorry,” said Fraser, “but I need to do this, I’ll be as quick as I can. Why did you do that? Police files are confidential as I’m sure you’re aware.”

“I know, but I wanted to learn. When I’m a lawyer I’ll need to know my way around that stuff,” replied Sarah. “I feel really bad for her though, Mrs Chester I mean.” She bit her lip and closed her eyes as Fraser worked on her arm. She was determined not to cry at this, it was just a few stupid cuts and grazes. She felt sure that Stella wouldn’t be crying in this position, Stella was tough, she wanted to be just like her. “Why would she put up with a man hitting her for so long? I don’t get it, I’d have told him where to go years ago,” she continued.

“There can be many reasons,” Fraser explained, “it’s a very complex situation, unfortunately one that occurs all too often. There how does that feel?” He carefully applied some powdered horn and another ointment with antiseptic properties to the wounds on her arm and face.

Sarah was amazed at how much better that made her feel. She nodded and smiled as Fraser began to apply bandages. “I can’t blame her for having an affair,” she said, still thinking about Carol-Ann.

Fraser stopped what he was doing. That information certainly hadn’t been in the Police file. “Where did you read that?” he asked.

“Mum’s notes,” replied Sarah. “Sorry, I know it was private, but I’d never tell anyone. I was just trying to understand why a woman would do that? I’m never going to let any man treat me like that.”

Fraser couldn’t help smiling. “I don’t doubt that for a minute,” he said, then his face was serious. “Your mother kept private notes on this case?” he enquired and Sarah nodded. “That could be very important, thank you Sarah.”

Stella came in just as Fraser was finishing up. “Hi,” she said slightly nervously. She wasn’t sure how Sarah was going to be. She really wished the girl hadn’t overheard her talking with Ray earlier. 

“Stella would you kindly stay with Sarah for a while, I should assist Maggie,” said Fraser, clearing away the first aid things.

Stella agreed and Fraser went to speak to Ray, who was waiting by the front desk. “Qannik got called out,” he told Fraser.

“Ah,” replied Fraser. “Ray, it has come to light that Constable Malling kept personal notebooks regarding Mrs Chester,” he explained. 

“Like any good cop,” noted Ray.

“Indeed,” agreed the Mountie, “would you be kind enough to visit the house and search for them, they may contain information pertinent to our investigation.”

“Sure,” agreed Ray and Fraser handed him the key and headed towards the door. 

Fraser turned to leave and find his sister, but then he stopped and spun back around. “Ray,” he called out and his old friend turned back too, his eyes raised questioningly. “We need to...that is, when this is all over..." Fraser scratched at his eyebrow as he spoke.

Ray smiled. "We'll talk Benny, don't you worry about that...we have to."


	12. Chapter 12

“Well that was frustratingly unproductive,” sighed Fraser as he sat with Maggie. Derek Chester’s lawyer had left after a brief meeting. Derek Chester was a truly unpleasant man, he simply couldn’t see that he’d been abusive to his wife all this time. He denied most of the worst examples of abuse and dismissed the lesser ones as ‘her fault’, saying that she was crazy and had to be ‘kept in line’. Fraser was sickened by his attitude.

Chester steadfastly denied shooting his wife and Alison Malling though and Fraser and Maggie were both inclined to believe him. He was either telling the truth or he was very, very good at lying. He admitted he’d been upset when he found out his wife had cheated on him. He’d known the baby wasn’t his because he was infertile, he’d known that for years and he told them to check his medical records. He’d never told his wife of the diagnosis as he was afraid she might want a divorce and he loved her so much he ‘couldn’t bear that’, or so he said. He admitted he didn’t have an alibi for the time of the shootings though. He told them how he’d been convinced Carol-Ann was sleeping with his old partner Steve Bagshaw as she never had any contact with anyone else, because she was ‘stupid and timid’. Maggie almost slapped him at that point, this man was unbelievable. 

He went on to tell them how he’d stormed round to Bagshaw’s house, presumably with the intention of starting a fight although he didn’t say that exactly, but Bagshaw’s wife had told him the guy wasn’t home so instead he bought whiskey from the all night store, got very drunk and passed out in an outbuilding. When he finally sobered up he’d staggered home to find his house a Police crime scene. He’d overheard someone saying that his wife had been shot and raced to the hospital. They knew the rest. He wasn’t a murderer, he told them and then he pleaded with them again to let him see Carol-Ann. His lawyer promised him that he’d make that happen. The lawyer was as unpleasant as Derek Chester, Ray had been very accurate in his earlier assessment, Fraser noted to himself.

“Is there any sign of the murder weapon yet?” asked Maggie. Fraser shook his head. “Then perhaps we should go and assist in the search?” she suggested.

“An excellent idea,” agreed Fraser.

xXx

Ray arrived back with Alison’s notebooks just as Fraser and Maggie were leaving to visit the crime scene.

"Perhaps you would be kind enough to begin reviewing these?" Fraser asked him. "Qannik is guarding our prisoner."

"Sure Benny," Ray replied, really pleased he could finally put his detective skills to use in all this.

Ray began to read through the notes, a lot of it was what they already knew, but Alison had added some of her personal thoughts, it almost read like a diary in places and Ray felt a little uncomfortable. "She told me she'd slept with another man," Ray read, "but now she's pregnant. She seems convinced that the baby is Derek’s though. I tried to tell her to leave him again, I gave her the numbers of two places she could go to be safe, but she's refusing again. Sometimes I feel like I'm getting somewhere with her, but then this happens and I might as well be talking Inuktitut, she's not listening. She thinks they can play happy families now. This is going to end badly."

Ray shuddered. That last line sounded almost like a premonition, but that was silly. He turned the page and read on.

A short while later Ray Kowalski walked into the station. "Hey Vecchio, where's Maggie?" he asked.

"She went with Benny back up to the crime scene to sniff out clues, probably literally," replied Ray.

"Greatness," sighed Ray, "I've got Carol-Ann's medical records here, she finally gave permission for us, er, I mean for the cops to see ‘em. She wants to press charges at last, for everythin' he's done to her."

Ray Vecchio nodded. "Chester's denying the shootings y'know. Can't say I'm surprised somehow. The guy's got some slimy lawyer working for him now, but he's going to have his work cut out defending the bastard against the assault charges with the medical evidence and his wife's testimony," he said and the other Ray nodded in agreement. "I've got Alison Malling's notebooks here Stanley," Ray continued, hesitating for a moment before continuing. "Um, if you want you could help me out, there may be a clue in here." Kowalski might be a moron sometimes, but Ray knew he was a good detective. Lieutenant Welsh would never have had him in his station otherwise.

Ray couldn't help but smile. OK so the jerk was really trying now. He didn't particularly want to spend any length of time with Vecchio, but he'd do anything to help Fraser with this case and his gut was telling him that there was still a cop killer on the loose. He had a feeling that Vecchio thought the same.

xXx

Fraser and Maggie headed out to the Chester property. The crime scene had already been thoroughly searched, but they wanted to look for themselves. 

“Why would Derek Chester break into his own house by smashing a window?” asked Maggie, “it makes little sense.”

“Agreed,” replied Fraser, sniffing along the edge of the dining table. 

“Anything?” asked Maggie, but Fraser shook his head. “Perhaps it was a failed burglary?” she pondered.

Fraser nodded and stood upright, ensuring his hat was squarely on his head. “It is a possibility,” he agreed.

Maggie studied him for a while. “Benton, is everything alright?” she asked.

Fraser’s head snapped round to look at her. “I believe so?” he replied nervously. “I will feel happier once we know for certain that we have Constable Malling’s killer in custody.”

“Me too,” replied Maggie, nodding, “but it’s just...this is really not an appropriate time, I’m sorry...” she trailed off, but she couldn’t get the thought out of her mind. “I think Ray’s worried about you,” she continued, “he denied it of course, but I can tell when he’s being untruthful with me.”

“Ray should not be untruthful with you,” noted Fraser.

Maggie realised that she wasn’t going to get anywhere with this now and they returned to their search. 

xXx

“What d’ya make of this Vecchio?” Ray asked, sliding one of Alison’s notebook across the desk.

The other Ray scanned down the handwritten notes. “Carol-Ann told me today that if she thought Steve would leave his wife and kids for her she’d run away with him in a heartbeat,” he read aloud, “I told her she didn’t need a man to run away with and she should just leave if she wants to leave. I don’t think she knows how to do anything on her own? It’s so sad.” He stopped and thought for a while. “So Bagshaw’s a family man,” he said.

“Yep,” replied Ray, “and if ya read on down the, er, page there, it sounds like he was stringing Derek’s wife along for a while. Alison was tryin’ to make her see it I think, she could see he was gonna, y’know, break her heart or somethin’.”

“We know he was pissed with the guy over their business deal,” Ray Vecchio got to his feet and wiped his hand over his face as he thought about it, “so what are we saying here, that he was screwing around with Derek’s wife to get back at the guy?”

Ray Kowalski shrugged. “Maybe?” 

“Carol-Ann said they only slept together the one time though,” Ray went on.

“Only takes one time,” noted the other Ray, then he added, “if you’re lucky...”

Ray Vecchio was warming to this theory now. “OK, so the last thing Bagshaw wanted was to ruin his marriage, he finds out about the baby and loses it, grabs a gun and plans on killing the woman who’s pregnant with his baby? That’s pretty low Stanley.”

“Will ya just call me Ray? I go by Ray,” sighed Ray, his nostrils flaring as he tried to keep his temper under control. Half an hour in this guy’s company was more than enough to make Ray want to kick him in the head. The other Ray didn’t respond. Ray sighed. “OK, y’know, I wasn’t exactly thinkin’ that,” he said, returning to the case. “Derek Chester went and spilled the, er, beans to Bagshaw’s wife, right? Bagshaw’s mad because the whole thing with Carol-Ann was meaningless, he didn’t want to screw up his marriage, he just wanted to get back at Chester. So how mad is he? Mad enough to go try to kill his former business partner d’ya think?”

“It’s a theory, but it’s a good one Stanley,” admitted Ray.

Ray Kowalski didn’t know how to respond. On the one hand Vecchio was paying him a compliment and on the other he was deliberately calling him Stanley again? “Er, thanks.” He mumbled. “I guess I should call Fraser, he and Mags might wanna go round up Bagshaw, bring him in, ask him a few questions.” He picked up the telephone receiver and then before he’d even dialled the number he slammed it down. “OK Vecchio,” he said, “I’m done with this, I’m done with ya constantly tryin’ to rattle me.”

Ray put on his best innocent face. “I have no idea what you’re talking about,” he said, trying to keep his voice even.

“Look, I get it, OK,” Ray Kowalski went on, clenching and unclenching his fists, “I get that you’re with Stella now and I get that maybe ya think I still give a...y’know, but I don’t so will ya just drop it?”

“This isn’t about Stella?” replied Ray incredulously.

“It isn’t?” Ray ran his fingers through his hair in frustration. “Then what is it about?”

Ray Vecchio shook his head. “Lost your touch?” he asked, “I thought you were the guy with all the detective instincts around here? Anyway, you’re the prickly one? You never liked me and you were me for two years.”

Ray narrowed his eyes and stared at the other man. Ray Vecchio had put on weight since the last time they’d first met back in Chicago, settling down must be agreeing with him. He was right though, it was clear that whatever it was between them the feeling was mutual. “Wait,” he said suddenly, “is it, er, is it because I’m up here with your buddy?” Ray knew he was right as soon as he’d said it.

“I wouldn’t live up here if you paid me,” snapped the other Ray in response.

“Ya know what I meant,” retorted Ray.

Ray Vecchio shrugged. “Fraser made his choice,” he said quietly.

“Oh come on,” Ray Kowalksi jumped up from his chair. “He’s not here because of me? He’s not even here because of Helen, but now they have each other it’s a damn good reason to stay. This is where he belongs. Not Chicago and definitely not Florida!”

“I do realise that Stanley,” replied Ray Vecchio.

That was it, Ray had absolutely had enough now and he lunged at a startled Ray Vecchio, pinning him up against the wall. The impact caused a framed certificate to fall to the ground with a crash. “My name is Ray,” he virtually spat in his face. He was fuming with rage now and the other Ray could do nothing except let him rant. “D’ya have any idea how often Fraser talks about you?” he continued. “Every day almost, coz you guys had so much fun, didn’t ya and ya were his best buddy when he was all alone in the big city. Well congratulations Vecchio, you’re still his best buddy. Me? I’m just the other guy, the, er, the substitute and now he can’t get rid of me coz I’m with his sister and I’m tellin’ ya this, that ain’t never gonna change, baby or no baby, me and Maggie are filed under forever, geddit?” He shoved hard against Vecchio with his final words.

“Stan...” Ray Vecchio began, but then thought better of it, “Ray,” he said instead, resisting the urge to shove him to the ground. “Look, I don’t know exactly what you think, but, um, it’s not easy for me.”

“Oh my heart bleeds,” snapped Ray sarcastically. Then with a final grunt he released the other man and started pacing around the office, trying to calm down.

“I’m perfectly happy in Florida with Stella,” continued Ray, “but I think you’ve got Fraser all wrong. I think it’s pretty clear who his best buddy is.”

Ray couldn’t help a small smile at that. He didn’t agree with it, but it was nice to hear it said anyway. Then the smile turned into a laugh and he spun round and looked at Vecchio with a twinkle in his eye. “D’ya know how dumb this sounds?” he said, somewhat sheepishly.

Ray’s face broke into a broad grin too. “Yeah,” he admitted. “How old are we exactly? We’re not in the schoolyard any more.”

Ray Kowalski nodded. “D’ya know, I think Fraser’s, er, I think he’s big enough to share.”

“OK,” agreed the other man, “but as long as you and I don’t have to be in the same country too often.” They might have reached some sort of understanding over this, but they were never going to be the best of friends. He held out his hand.

Ray Kowalski looked at that hand for a moment. Maybe he could do this, for Fraser. His buddy wanted them all to get along so maybe he could do it after all. Fraser would never act like this with anyone, except perhaps with Dief, but Ray would never understand that particular friendship anyway. He didn’t have to behave like a jerk any more and if Vecchio was willing to give this a try then why the hell not. The guy would be flying back to Florida soon anyway. He took Ray’s hand and shook it firmly. “I should, er, I should call Fraser,” he said.

xXx

Sarah's eyes flickered open.

"Hey," said Stella softly.

Sarah smiled. "Hey," she said, "I fell asleep again didn't I." 

"It’s OK, you weren't asleep long," replied Stella, "Fraser said I should keep an eye on you because you hit your head when you fell. I'll go ask Ray to drive us back to the house."

"Where is Fraser?" asked Sarah, then she added, “I didn’t hit my head, I already told him that.” She sighed, why wouldn’t people listen to her? She wasn’t making things up. She looked Stella up and down. “You’re cold,” she said.

“You have bruises,” replied Stella and Sarah couldn’t think of an answer to that. “Fraser and Maggie are out,” Stella continued, she didn’t think the girl needed to know all the details under the circumstances. Then she frowned. “Yes I am still cold,” she added, “I don’t think I’ve been warm since I arrived here.” She laughed now, ignoring Sarah’s attitude. It was so ridiculous, everyone else seemed to be OK with the temperature, even Ray had adjusted quite quickly.

“He’s...he’s cool, Fraser I mean,” Sarah said, trying hard not to blush. Stella suppressed a smile. She’d never really looked at Fraser the way a lot of other women seemed to, but she recognised a teenage crush when she saw it. “I never knew all that about his Mum and Dad,” Sarah continued, “it’s really sad. It must have been so hard for him.”

“I imagine it was,” agreed Stella. Sarah went quiet. It was obvious to Stella what she was thinking. She was thinking about how lonely Fraser’s childhood had been growing up without his parents and now she faced that exact same situation. She looked young and vulnerable again now, snuggled under a blanket, with her bandaged arm and bruised face. “Sarah, times have changed, things are different now,” began Stella, a little nervously, “you’re not Fraser, you don’t have to think that you will grow up alone. There are plenty of people who will make sure of that, you have a lot of people who care about you and your welfare Sarah...me for one.”

Sarah’s face lit up. “Do you really mean that?” her voice was full of hope. She knew that there would be official people looking after her, social workers and foster parents and the like, but Stella actually cared about her? Stella didn’t say things she didn’t mean, so...Sarah couldn’t allow herself to be too excited.

“Of course I mean it,” replied Stella a little indignantly, “in fact I’ve been thinking...I need to talk to Ray, but...” she stopped talking. She really had to talk to Ray before she said any more. She took Sarah’s hand in hers. “Try not to worry, trust me.”

Sarah just nodded. She did trust Stella, she just knew that she’d make everything OK somehow.

xXx

“Thank you kindly Mrs Bagshaw,” Fraser nodded as Steve Bagshaw’s wife handed them some photographs. 

“I can’t believe he did this to me,” Mrs Bagshaw was on the verge of tears. “I didn’t think we were having problems and then he has an affair? With her of all people? Derek has been beating on her for years, everyone knows that, what kind of pathetic woman puts up with that?”

Fraser had just finished talking to Ray on the phone and he’d heard all of his friend’s theories about Steve Bagshaw. He’d learnt to trust Ray’s instincts over the years and although Fraser himself hadn’t read any of Alison’s notes, he trusted Ray’s thoughts completely. He’d been uplifted to hear that both his friends had been working together too, if they both thought this was a line of enquiry worth pursuing then he would absolutely follow it through.

“Is your husband of a vindictive disposition?” Fraser asked Mrs Bagshaw. He felt sorry for the woman, her whole world had come crashing down around her and she’d had absolutely no idea it was coming. 

The woman shrugged. “He had a temper if that’s what you mean, but he never hit me or the children, I wouldn’t have put up with that, not like she did.” She virtually spat her words out. “Steve and Derek worked well together, but they weren’t really friends, then when we wanted out of the business Derek tried to screw us over on the deal. Steve was mad, he’d worked so hard for that business and he had to walk away with next to nothing. He blamed Derek for everything. I wish we’d never even met the Chesters Constable.”

“Where is your husband now?” asked Maggie, “it is imperative that we speak with him as soon as possible.”

“I have no idea,” replied Mrs Bagshaw, “and I don’t care. He hasn’t been home in days, I guess he knows that I know now, so he’s staying out of my way. I think thatRight now...” he voice cracked, “right now I never want to see him again.” 

“Does your husband own any firearms?” asked Fraser, “Hunting rifles for example.”

Mrs Bagshaw nodded. “Yes, he used to hunt a lot, he was in a club, but he hasn’t done that for years.”

Fraser and Maggie exchanged a glance. The Rays might well have been right about Bagshaw. “May we see where he keeps his weapons?” Maggie asked.

xXx

Ray Vecchio borrowed the other Ray’s jeep and drove Stella and Sarah back to Fraser’s house. Stella was rather pensive on the short drive Ray noticed. He tried to ask her if something was wrong, but got a very firm “Later Ray,” for his trouble. Ray had learnt quite quickly that if Stella didn’t want to talk about something then it was best to drop the subject.

He got back to the station to find Ray huddled over the computer. “Hey, look at this Ray,” he beckoned the other man over.

Ray couldn’t help but notice that Stanley had called him Ray and not just Vecchio. Maybe this being friends thing could work out after all? “What are you doing? Are you on the RCMP computer system?”

“Yeah,” grinned Ray Kowalski, “I’ve got Fraser’s password.”

“Benny gave you his password?” asked Ray, surprised that his friend would be so casual in his attitude to security.

“Well, er, he didn’t give it to me exactly,” grinned Ray. “Probably best I don’t tell ya...I’ve been lookin’ at Bagshaw, he was investigated for, er, fraud back in ninety two, but nothin’ stuck.” Ray tapped a few keys on the keyboard as the other Ray looked over his shoulder. “Says here he has a lock-up over the other side of town, cops thought he was movin’ stuff through there, under the radar y’know and then claimin’ tax breaks...er, don’t really understand...the, er, the Canadian tax system is kinda freaky...overcomplicated. I get Maggie to do all my tax stuff.”

Ray laughed. “Trust the Canadians,” he said and the other man nodded. “Did Benny call in?” he asked.

“Yeah,” came the reply and he told Ray everything that Fraser had told him about the visit to Mrs Bagshaw.

Ray Vecchio’s face became serious now. “So he’s been out there all this time?”

“I guess he’s long gone,” sighed the other Ray. “Although...” he leapt up from the chair and Ray Vecchio had to jump out of his way. He crossed to a large map of the area that was pinned to the wall. “Would he just bail? He, er, fought real hard to get the money from the old cheese business and he kinda went to great lengths to save his marriage and his home, so d’ya really think he’d quit town like that?” Ray ran his index finger over the map until he found the place he was looking for. “Here it is,” he announced, tapping the correct spot. “That’s where the lock-up is, right on the edge of town.”

“What are you thinking Ray?” asked Ray Vecchio, deliberately not calling him Stanley this time, “Do you think he could be hiding out there until all this dies down?” The other Ray nodded. Ray thought about it for a moment. “Well it should definitely be checked out,” he said finally, “I’ll call Benny.”

Fraser and Maggie listened to all the new information from Ray on the radio. They agreed that it was definitely a possibility that Bagshaw could be lying low at his lock up unit and told Ray they were going straight there. 

“Bagshaw’s house is right over the other side of town,” said Ray Kowalski, “Ray and I could get there first, meet ya there, y’know, back ya up.”

“No Ray,” said Fraser firmly, “the chances of us finding him there are slim at best, but if we need back up we’ll call...and Qannik will back us up.”

“But Fraser...” Ray began, but he was met with some more firm arguments from Fraser. “OK, I get it, we’re civilians.” He clicked off the radio and looked at Ray Vecchio.

“Benny’s right,” sighed Ray, “we’ve got no jurisdiction here. We don’t even have weapons.”

A grin spread across the other Ray’s face. He reached down and pulled a small gun from his boot and spun it round his index finger like a cowboy. He laughed at Ray’s shocked face. “I gotta licence for it!” he explained. “There’s a cop killer out there, are you just gonna sit here? Come on, pitter patter!”

Without missing a beat, Ray Vecchio replied, “Course I’m not, let’s go.”


	13. Chapter 13

“Thank you for coming,” Helen’s face was serious as Stella and Sarah arrived at the hospital. “I just thought you might be able to advise her...good grief what happened to you?”

Sarah looked a little sheepish. “I, um, I fell off a horse. It’s OK, Fraser patched me up.”

Helen frowned. “You don’t need me to take a look?” she asked, but Sarah shook her head. Helen reached into the pocket of her white coat and pulled out some folded bank notes. “Why don’t you go and buy yourself a milkshake and a magazine, we’ll be with you as soon as we’re done with Mrs Chester.”

“I don’t see why I couldn’t have stayed at the house?” Sarah replied sulkily.

“Because you’re injured and because you’re thirteen, I couldn’t just leave you alone,” retorted Stella.

Sarah sighed and half snatched the money from Helen. “But you’re leaving me alone now to go talk to that woman?” she huffed.

“That woman, as you call her, is in need of my professional advice,” replied Stella, “and besides, you won’t be alone in the cafe, this is a hospital, you’ll be surrounded by people who should notice if you fall ill and if they don’t I’ll sue.”

Helen wasn’t quite sure if she was joking with that last comment. Sarah rolled her eyes and stormed off towards the cafe, mumbling about how she didn’t have a head injury.

“What happened?” Helen asked in a low voice as the two women walked towards Carol-Ann’s room.

Stella sighed. “She tried to run away,” she replied, “she’s really sorry now, I think, but who knows if she’ll try it again?” Stella thought back to the times she’d tried to run away from home when she was a teenager. She’d packed her bag, made sure she had money and supplies, but never quite got as far as leaving. She tried to remember what was going through her head at that time, probably just the usual fights she had with her mother about what she was going to do with her life. The similarities with Sarah were striking, except Sarah didn’t have a mother to fight with any more.

“Perhaps I should arrange for her to see a bereavement counsellor?” suggested Helen.

“She’d hate that,” replied Stella incredulously. “She’d only rebel against them too.”

“You’re probably right,” agreed Helen. 

They got into the lift and stood in silence for a moment. Stella spoke. “Helen, can I ask your advice?” She paused and Helen nodded. “I’ve been thinking a lot about Sarah...she doesn't deserve to be bounced around from one foster home to another, it would kill her, she has such potential Helen and...this is probably a really bad idea, I think I'm letting my emotions run my head..."

"I don't think that's such a bad thing?" Helen pointed out.

Stella smiled ruefully. "I don't know, I don't have a good track record with that sort of thing. If I'd listened to my head instead of my heart when I was married, maybe I wouldn't have crushed Ray quite so badly."

Helen was quite taken aback at that admission. She'd talked to Ray before about his marriage breakdown and 'crushed' would seem a pretty fair assessment of the poor man's mental state in the aftermath of their divorce. So Stella feels that if she had let go of her feelings for him sooner then she wouldn't have hurt him so much? That was possibly true in one sense, Helen realised. Perhaps that's why she insisted on putting up this mask all the time? Stella was a complex character, Helen thought to herself, but most of the way she acted was obviously a self preservation mechanism, she wasn't going to allow herself to get hurt again. "I think you have to find a balance?" Helen suggested.

Stella nodded. "I know what some people think of me...and I don't care what they think, but..."

Helen smiled. "I understand," she replied, "so, what were you saying about Sarah exactly?"

Stella had almost forgotten how this conversation had started. The lift had reached the right floor minutes ago and they were just standing there with the doors open. Stella strode out of the lift with determination with Helen struggling to keep up with her. "Well I haven't really talked to Ray about it properly yet," she began, "but...we have money, more than we need and I'd like to spend some of it on Sarah's education. If she gets a scholarship then I want to pay her boarding fees and living expenses, that sort of thing..." Stella trailed off and stopped walking. She realised she was making it sound like a business arrangement and that's not really what she meant at all. She turned to Helen. "If Ray is in agreement, I'd like us to apply to become her legal guardians."

Helen hadn't really been expecting that at all. "Oh," was all she could manage to say, then, "that's wonderful, you and Ray would make great...guardians..." she carefully avoided the word 'parents', just as Stella had done. Stella was still protecting herself and Helen respected that.

"Don't say anything to Sarah will you," pleaded Stella, "Ray might hate the idea."

"Of course I won't," Helen assured her, "but somehow I don't think you'll have too much trouble with Ray."

xXx

“OK pull over here Vecch...er, Ray,” Ray Kowalski pointed to a secluded spot beside some pine trees. Ray Vecchio skidded the jeep to a halt. “Steady, told ya I should drive,” grinned Ray.

“I didn’t know the snow was coming in so fast,” replied Ray Vecchio, “and besides, you needed to call that lady. So, did she have any info for you?”

Both Rays got out of the car and Ray Vecchio pulled a woolly hat from his pocket and put in on his head, yanking it right down over his ears. 

“Yeah,” replied the other Ray, waving his hands around excitedly as he spoke, “told ya Mrs Dilennio would know, she’s knows everythin’, she used to be at the Mountie station, er, every day almost reportin’ some dumb thing that she thought she’d seen and Fraser, bein’ Fraser, well he used to go follow up every single one, but I guess ya already noticed Qannik doesn’t have the patience of a saint, so he kinda yelled at her about wastin’ Police time one day and now she steers clear of the cops.”

“So what did she say about Baghaw?” prompted Ray, he wasn’t really that interested in the whole story of the local busybody.

“Oh yeah,” Ray Kowalski turned round and started walking backwards so he could face the other Ray while he was talking. “She said she saw the light on in his lock up the day before yesterday and, er, last night too.”

“So he is hiding out there,” Ray Vecchio could feel his adrenaline building as he spoke. “Well you were right Stan..., I mean, Ray, this place is pretty remote. How long until Benny and Maggie get here d’you think?”

“About twenty minutes now this snow’s set in,” came the reply. “Twenty minutes when he could decide to split, especially if he knows the Mounties have been talkin’ to his wife.”

The two of them kept close to the trees as they approached the row of lock up units. The large metal gates weren’t even locked so they were able to quietly gain entry to the complex. The doors to some of the units were wide open and they were clearly empty and a couple of the others were locked shut, but it was obvious they hadn’t been used in a long time. There were three on the end of the row that appeared to be in regular use and they backed against the wall as they got closer. 

“Which one is Bagshaw’s?” asked Ray Vecchio, shoving his hands into the pocket of his sheepskin coat to try and maintain some sense of feeling in his fingers.

“Second from the end,” replied the other Ray, “the, er the end one there is Mrs Dilennio’s.”

“Lights are off now, maybe we’re too late?” suggested Ray. 

“I’ll try the front door, you go round the back,” said Ray Kowalski, pulling out his boot gun and checking it over.

“What!” exclaimed Ray Vecchio, “why do I have to go round back?”

“Because I have the gun,” replied Ray, as if that was a perfectly valid reason. Fraser’s old friend clearly didn’t agree. “OK, OK,” sighed Ray Kowalski, “I’ll go round back and you take the front.”

“But what if he’s armed?” said Ray Vecchio, “we’ve got no powers of arrest, maybe I should take the back?”

“Jeez Vecchio!” the other Ray replied, exasperated, “were ya like this when ya worked with Fraser?”

Ray shrugged. “Working with Fraser was one of the most difficult and frustrating things I ever did,” he said.

Ray Kowalski was about to snap back a reply when he saw the grin that had spread across the other man’s face. “Yeah, you’re not wrong,” he replied with a twinkle in his eye, “but, er, it sure is fun!”

The other Ray nodded and pointed towards the front door of the unit. “I’ll go see if anyone’s home.” Ray Kowalski gave a thumbs up sign and ran around the back.

Ray Vecchio crept over to the door, ducking under the tiny window as he passed. He looked at the lock on the door, if he’d had his old lock picking set he could have opened it easily, but now he ran a bowling alley and he hadn’t carried that in his pocket for a long time. OK Vecchio, he thought to himself, what would Fraser do? He’d probably climb onto the roof, or into a dumpster right about now, but I really don’t see how either of those are going to help me get in. He looked at the window and down at his waistline despondently. Back in the day he could have squeezed through it easily, but now he spent far too much time sitting around and not enough time chasing bad guys and he’d put on a couple of pounds...or ten... He sighed, he hoped Kowalski was having better luck. Just then he heard the door start to open. I guess Stanley did get in the back way... He took a few paces forward and then froze on the spot as he came face to face with Steve Bagshaw. Ray recognised him from the photograph he’d seen back at the station. The guy didn’t know who he was of course...and it would have stayed that way if Ray hadn’t instinctively yelled, “Police! Freeze!” Bagshaw was stunned, but he immediately started to run, slinging a bag over his shoulder as he did so.

There was a loud crash and a clatter and Ray Kowalski came running out of the lock up. “I nearly had him Vecchio!” he was fuming, he’d been inches away from pouncing on the man when the other Ray had ruined everything. He stopped and aimed his gun, but he didn’t have his glasses on and the guy was running too fast.

“Come on!” Ray Vecchio yelled. He’d already started running after him and the other Ray let out a growl of frustration and followed them. Bagshaw ran across the complex and into one of the empty units with Ray Vecchio in close pursuit and Ray Kowalski not far behind. Quickly he disappeared behind some empty shelving and both Rays came to a standstill. Ray Kowalski pulled over the dusty metal shelving and it fell to the floor with a loud clatter. The noise echoed around the large empty building. 

“Bagshaw!” yelled Ray Kowalski, “give yourself up, ya can’t get outta here, we’ve got back up on the way.” The two Rays stood back to back, looking all around, trying to spot him among the clutter.

“You don’t look like Mounties to me,” Bagshaw slowly appeared from behind some empty packing boxes and spoke in a low voice. Both Rays’ hearts started to beat faster as they realised he had a rifle balanced over his arm and aimed right at them.

Ray Kowalski spun round and aimed his gun right at the man’s head, at least he was pretty sure he was aiming straight. “We’re not,” he admitted, “I look stupid in the uniform, especially the, er, hat.”

“You’ve worn it too?” Ray Vecchio turned his head slightly to look at the other Ray, “I thought I looked pretty good in it. I guess I can carry off a uniform better than you.”

“When did you wear it?” Ray Kowalski asked. They were trying to unsettle Bagshaw with this ridiculous chat of course, “I thought you only wore the right labels?”

“Well Fraser got mixed up with this crazy woman,” Ray began, “they wound up in a garbage truck and I had to cover for him at this fancy party...”

“Shut up!” Bagshaw yelled. “Drop your gun and let me walk out of here.”

“Sorry, creep, but we can’t let you do that,” Ray Vecchio sneered.

“Why are ya apologisin’ to this jerk?” the other Ray snapped, Ray Vecchio shook his head in despair. “Why don’t ya drop your gun instead, Bagshaw?” Ray Kowalski continued and took two steps towards him. 

“Do you actually want me to kill you?” Bagshaw asked incredulously, “because I will, don’t think I won’t.”

“Oh we know you would, you already killed one cop,” Ray Vecchio pointed out.

“That...that was an accident,” Bagshaw sounded genuinely remorseful, “I didn’t know she was going to be there, I went to kill the Chesters.”

“Well, er, that makes it OK then,” Ray Kowalski retorted sarcastically.

“They’d both damn near ruined my life,” yelled Bagshaw, “Derek screwed me over, that bastard owes me thousands of dollars and then Carol-Ann tries to tell me I got her pregnant? What a pair of lowlifes. I figured they’d both thank me.”

“For killing them?” exclaimed Ray Vecchio. “Yeah I’m sure they’d buy you a fruit basket.”

“Everyone knows what he did to her,” Bagshaw continued, “she had no life? That’s why it was so easy, she was so desperate, I think she actually thought I was in love with her or something. Anyway I figured it was the kindest thing to do, like you’d do to a sick dog.”

“OK, that’s it,” Ray Kowalski had heard enough, “I’m makin’ a citizen’s arrest, get on your knees...now!”

“I still have a rifle trained on you,” Bagshaw pointed out. These guys are nuts, he thought.

“Yeah but I have this beauty and you, er, have that old huntin’ rifle,” Ray continued, “now I’m bettin’ that if this was a stand off at high noon, I’d get off at least two rounds before you’d even taken your safety off.”

Bagshaw was suddenly unsure of himself, he was sure he’d taken his safety off already...hadn’t he? The millisecond it took for him to look down and check was all Ray needed to fire off the two rounds he’d promised. If he’d been wearing his glasses they would have pierced the guy’s leg as Ray had planned, but of course the bullets spun safely past, clinking off the back wall instead. Ray spat out an expletive.

It wasn’t exactly how Ray had planned it and he could have kicked himself in the head, but it was enough to startle Bagshaw and he bolted for the door. Ray Vecchio was on him though, determined to make up for screwing up Kowalski’s take down earlier and he grabbed at the nearest metal shelving, half throwing it to try to block the man’s path. Bagshaw stumbled over it and ended up on his back. Ray Kowalksi fired again and Ray Vecchio lunged forward, grabbing the man’s leg. The next few moments were a blur. There were more shots fired on both sides and Ray Vecchio virtually wrestled with Bagshaw. The other Ray was on him too and finally Bagshaw was disarmed and restrained. Ray Kowalski threw him face first against the wall, he couldn’t think of anything to say to the man. He looked around for something to tie his wrists together, he really missed carrying handcuffs. “Ray,” he yelled, “pass me that strappin’...Vecchio!” Ray turned around and his blood ran cold, Ray was lying on the floor. “Ray!” he yelled again. Bagshaw thought this would be a good moment to try to escape, but Ray felt him lurch to the side and he slammed Bagshaw against the wall again, much harder this time, knocking him unconscious and the man slumped to the floor.

Ray was a little shocked that he’d done that, but the thought was soon forgotten as he fell to his knees beside the other Ray. “Vecchio! Ray!” he carefully rolled him over and was relieved to hear a low moan. “Hey, where are you hit?” he asked, desperately checking the man over for a gunshot wound. Before the answer came Ray had found it, blood was soaking through his sweatshirt, just above the waistband of his trousers. 

“I don’t know what happened...” Ray Vecchio half whispered.

“Sshhh,” urged the other Ray as he tore open the man’s bloodsoaked clothes. He baulked at the sight of so much blood. He quickly pulled the other Ray’s hat from his head and pressed it down hard onto the wound. Ray moaned loudly. “Sorry Ray,” Ray Kowalski was fighting nausea. “Fraser and Mags are gonna be here any minute, they can radio for help, we’re gonna get ya outta here.” He tried to sound reassuring. He’d left his phone in the car, but even if he’d had it with him he knew he wouldn’t be able to get a signal out here.

“I’m not gonna last that long...” Ray took a painful breath, “and you know it.”

“Jeez Vecchio!” exclaimed Ray, “it’s not that bad.”

“You some kind of...expert now?” Ray Vecchio was having trouble speaking.

“I’ve seen enough gunshot wounds,” replied the other Ray, “just, er, hold still and let me stop the bleedin’.”

“Ray,” Ray Vecchio could feel his eyelids getting heavy. He was convinced he was going to die right here, right now, with Kowalski leaning over him. This wasn’t how he’d hoped he’d spend his final moments. “Tell Stella...”

“Shut it Vecchio,” Ray snapped, “you’ve seen too many corny movies. You ain’t dyin’, I’m not gonna let ya...er, can ya imagine what The Stella would do to me if I did?”

“Thanks...” Ray breathed, “but...I just want to say...you’re OK Stanley, for a jerk.”

“Quit that, you’re delirious,” snapped Ray. He was trying not to let on how worried he was, there was a lot of blood and it felt like hours had passed and not minutes. He glanced over his shoulder, Bagshaw was still out cold. He couldn’t believe this was happening. He tried to focus, but his head was starting to spin. He tried to block out the feeling of Ray’s warm blood seeping through his fingers. He wasn’t going to let this guy die, no way. Vecchio was a good guy, maybe they’d never be best buddies but he loved The Stella and from what Ray had seen, he was good for her. He tried desperately to keep the image of Stella falling apart again from his mind, he couldn’t take that, he knew he couldn’t. He pressed harder onto the wound. Then he heard a noise...barking, it was Diefenbaker...he nearly passed out with relief, but he forced himself to stay awake, yelling out for Fraser and Maggie. Ray Vecchio’s eyes closed before they got there.


	14. Chapter 14

Sarah wasn’t going to cry. Stella wasn’t crying so she wasn’t going to either. Helen had been talking to them all for a few minutes and Maggie had her arm grasped firmly around the girl’s shoulders. She drew strength from the Mountie uniform and all it stood for. If she let her mind wander it was as if her mother was holding her, keeping her together, holding her up. She glanced at Fraser who sat the other side of Stella in the tiny white hospital room they’d been ushered into. They’d been sitting there for what seemed like hours, it probably wasn’t but it seemed like it to her. She’d passed the time by watching Ray Kowalski pace around the room, refusing the coffee that Maggie had got for him. He had blood on his jeans, Ray’s blood of course. How was this fair? Was this how her life was going to be from now on? Her childhood had been boring up until now, it was just her and her Mum, living from day to day, doing normal things, but now she was living some sort of crazy nightmare. She didn’t really understand half of what Helen was saying now. She heard the word ‘stable’ and figured that meant Ray wasn’t going to die any time soon.

“Do you have any questions before I take you to see him?” Helen asked Stella. She was still in scrubs, she’d wanted to talk to Stella and Fraser as soon as possible after the surgery was over. When Maggie had called in to say they were bringing Ray in she hadn’t been prepared for the seriousness of his injury. Maggie had sounded so calm on the radio that Helen had assumed they were looking at a relatively minor gunshot wound, not that any gunshot wound was minor of course, but she certainly wasn’t expecting to be performing life saving surgery that afternoon, especially not on a friend.

Stella shook her head. She felt numb, it had been the worst few hours of her life. She glanced at Fraser. “I think Ray would really like it...that is, I would really like it if you came with me to see him now.”

Fraser nodded solemnly. He’d gone into automatic mode when he and Maggie had arrived at Bagshaw’s lock up unit, taking over from Ray and desperately trying to keep his old friend alive. As soon as they got to the hospital he’d shut down, staring at the walls and blanking his mind completely. He trusted Helen completely and he knew her surgical skills were exemplary, but he’d still been more scared than he could ever remember being before. He knew he should talk to Ray, the poor man had been pacing around, barely holding it together. Sarah too was obviously struggling, but he’d been unable to do or say anything to either of them. Now Helen had finally given them the good news they’d all been hoping for and of course he would go with Stella.

Ray was heavily sedated, just as Helen had told them. They were prepared for the different monitors and medical paraphernalia that were supporting him. Fraser kept a pace behind Stella as she took hold of Ray's hand and squeezed it. Ray's eyes were looking in her direction, but Stella wasn't sure if they were focussing or not. "Talk to him," urged Helen, "he can probably hear you even if he can't reply."

Stella nodded and said his name, her heart skipped a beat as his lips twitched into a smile. She glanced at Helen. "I told you," smiled Helen.

Fraser walked closer now. "Ray my friend," he said, "I'm glad you're alright." Ray tried to say something, but no words came out. Fraser gently squeezed his arm. "We'll talk another time," he said. The meaning in his words wasn't lost on Helen. Of course they couldn't chat now, but Fraser was also referring to the talk they really had to have, the one that they almost didn't get the chance to have at all. Fraser looked at Stella. "I'll leave you alone," he said and Stella smiled in return. Fraser and Helen left the room.

"Are you OK?" Helen asked.

Fraser suddenly couldn't hold back his emotions. "I...I thought I'd lost him." He pulled Helen into a tight hug.

"I know," replied Helen and then she added quietly, "so did I."

XxX

A few days later Sarah and Stella hurried along to Ray’s hospital room. “Are you sure Ray likes all these?” Sarah peered into the basket of fruit that Stella had had flown in especially. “I don’t even know what this lumpy one is,” Sarah screwed her nose up, it didn’t look very appetising.

“It’s called an Ugli Fruit,” explained Stella, “we have them all the time in Florida. Ray loves them.” What Stella didn’t realise was that Ray hated most of the exotic fruit that she bought, but of course he wasn’t about to tell her that. 

Sarah nudged open Ray’s door slowly in case he was asleep, but her face lit up when she saw him sitting up in bed, reading a magazine. “Hi Ray,” she said as they walked in.

“It’s about time you got here,” said Ray, “this magazine that Benny left me is the dullest publication I’ve ever read.” He held up the copy of ‘Snowmobile Monthly’. Stella rolled her eyes and kissed Ray warmly. 

“We brought you this,” Sarah presented him with the fruit. “Stella got it flown up here specially because you like it.” Ray took one look at the offering and pulled a face of disgust, winking at Sarah as he did so. It took a few moments for Sarah to realise what he meant and she stifled a giggle.

“Sarah, put that down please,” Stella instructed, slightly abruptly, “Ray and I have something we’d like to discuss with you.” Stella was trying not to be nervous about this. Since Ray had been in hospital, Stella had spent a lot of hours sitting by his bedside as he slowly started to get his strength back, talking about her thoughts and ideas for their future and whether that could include Sarah. 

At first Ray couldn’t have been more surprised at her suggestions, but the more they talked the more he realised how much she wanted to do this. It was a big decision, but Ray was ready to make a change to his life. He and Stella had made a life for themselves in Florida together, but there was something missing. Ray had thought that it was because they’d both given up their careers, but they’d both taken steps to change and yet they’d realised in the past few days that they were both still feeling the same way. They’d talked about parenthood before, soon after they’d first got together and Stella had made it quite clear that she didn’t want children and Ray had felt quite happy with that decision. He’d never had particularly strong paternal feelings so he felt if that was how his life was meant to go then he was perfectly happy with that.

This was different. This wasn’t about having babies, this was about Sarah and now they were ready to put their ideas to her. Ray had already warned Stella that Sarah could reject them and they had to be prepared for that. He’d also pointed out that she could change her mind, no matter what her initial reaction was. He, like Stella, had developed such strong feelings for Sarah, he wanted to give her a good life, she’d been dealt such a cruel blow, but together they really thought they could help her reach her full potential. Ray had this deep down feeling that he should help her, give her the childhood he so nearly had, but which was damn near ruined by his father. He had such happy childhood memories, but they were interspersed with memories of the cruelty his father inflicted.

Sarah was suddenly scared. Their faces both looked so serious, was she in trouble? She looked at Stella with pleading eyes.

“Hey it’s OK,” Ray smiled, suddenly realising that she looked terrified, “sit down.” He indicated towards the end of his bed and Sarah perched uncomfortably on the folded blankets.

Stella took a deep breath. There was no going back now. “Sarah, I’ve been talking to an acquaintance of mine, a friend of a friend. She’s the principal of Ashford College, it’s a school in Florida, a private boarding school. She’s going to send through the forms so you can apply for a scholarship, there’s an entrance test and then the scholarships are dealt with by a panel of...well, anyway, you can read all about that when the paperwork arrives.”

Sarah didn’t know what to say. “Florida?” was all she could manage to say. The significance of that point was not lost on her.

“Yes,” Ray spoke now. “You don’t have to go there of course, if you’ve got another school in mind then just say so.” Sarah was silent. She was shocked and confused, she wasn’t really sure what she should say. 

“It’s a beautiful old building,” Stella continued, “the halls of residence are in the oldest part of the main house and the architecture is magnificent.” She stopped, what was she doing now? Talking about architecture? Why couldn’t she express herself properly. “Anyway, she continued, he voice still far more business like than she’d hoped, “of course you’ll board there, all the girls do, they’re very proud of their friendly and welcoming atmostphere, but you’ll need somewhere to live in the summer and spring break and so forth, so...” how was she going to put this exactly? It’s not about what we want, Stella reminded herself, it’s about what Sarah wants. “If you wish, you may live with us, in our home, we’d like our home to be your home. We have some land and I’ve been talking to Ray about building stables so we can have horses and we can...” her voice trailed off again. Whether they had horses or not was completely irrelevant. This was Sarah’s life they were talking about here. “Sarah,” she picked up the girl’s hand and held it between hers. “Ray and I would like very much to...if you want us to, we’d both love it very much...if we were to become your legal guardians.” Stella still wasn’t happy with the way that had come out.

Sarah glanced at Ray. She could read Ray’s face much better than she could Stella’s. He was smiling, this was a good sign she thought. They actually meant this. Stella had used the word ‘love’ and Sarah was struggling to take it all in. Why would they want this? What exactly was a legal guardian anyway? Boarding school was all she’d ever wanted, but now it was a real possibility she was suddenly scared. What if she let them down? What if she couldn’t cope with the work after all? What if her grades slipped and she didn’t get into Harvard after all and she didn’t become a lawyer like Stella. 

“So...what do you think?” Ray prompted. He was a little disappointed. He’d expected her reaction to be very different, he’d expected her to smile at least, maybe hug them, a few tears of happiness perhaps? She was just sitting there, almost emotionless.

“That would be cool, thanks,” Sarah said quietly.

Stella’s heart sank. She understood that Sarah was keeping her emotions under control, she did the same so often herself so of course she recognised the signs, but even so she’d hoped for something more? Her thoughts were interrupted by a knock on the door. 

Helen stuck her head round the door and smiled. “Morning,” she said cheerfully, “guess what Ray, I’ve come to stick more needles into you I’m afraid.” She breezed into the room and set her equipment down on the side. “Sorry, am I interrupting anything?” she suddenly sensed an atmosphere.

“No,” replied Sarah, “I’m just going for a walk, I hate needles.”

Helen watched her go, frowning with concern. She looked to Stella for an explanation. “Well she didn’t say no?” Stella sighed.

“Oh, I take it you were talking about the guardianship thing,” Helen realised. “Sorry, I can come back later if you like? I’ll call her back in here.”

“No,” replied Stella firmly, “it’s fine. I think she just needs some time to take it in.” Stella was trying to stay optimistic.

“Why don’t you run after her? Go talk to her!” suggested Ray, rolling up the sleeve of his pyjama top for Helen. He was slightly exasperated, he would have gone after Sarah himself if only he could get out of bed. Sometimes he wished Stella had a better grasp of dealing with people, she had to allow herself to admit she had feelings to other people occasionally, particularly if they were going to be raising a child. Maybe this hadn’t been such a good idea after all? “Ow,” his train of thought was interrupted as Helen began to draw some blood. 

“Sorry,” said Helen, “look, don’t worry about Sarah, I’m sure you’re right Stella, it’s a lot for her to consider. She’ll come back soon and then you can talk to her some more.”

Stella felt physically sick now, she really hoped Helen was right.

xXx

Sarah half ran along the corridor, her head was spinning, she felt like running away again, but at the same time she wanted to run back to Stella and Ray and hug them. They wanted to be her guardians, wasn’t that like parents? She’d only ever had her Mum before now and despite all their arguments she’d loved her mother more than she could put into words. She’d never had any of the opportunities that Ray and Stella were offering her now? Why was she even having to think about this anyway, surely it was a no brainer? Florida sounded wonderful, the school sounded amazing and living with Ray and Stella, with horses...and she imagined her bedroom, it would be huge, much bigger than the tiny one she had now. She could put up posters, maybe she could learn an instrument? She’d always wanted to do that, the trumpet maybe? 

“Slow down!” Fraser barely avoided crashing straight into her as she ran round the corner. He regarded her for a moment. “What’s wrong?” he asked, very concerned. He could see she was upset. “Is Ray alright?” 

“Yes, he’s fine,” replied Sarah, “sorry, I should have been looking where I was going, it’s just...” She looked into his eyes and couldn’t hold back her tears any more.

Fraser had no idea what this was about, but he held her tightly and tried to calm her down. “Shall we find somewhere quiet to sit?” he asked gently and Sarah nodded. He led her to a side room and sat her down in a chair. “Are you thinking about the funeral tomorrow?” he asked.

Sarah swallowed hard. “No, not really,” she replied. Obviously it had been on her mind and she was dreading it, but she’d been trying to prepare herself for it and she felt she was strong enough now. She’d found discussing the details of the music and other arrangements with Fraser and Maggie quite therapeutic. “Stella and Ray...” she didn’t know where to begin to explain this. She took a deep breath and told Fraser everything.

Fraser was s little stunned, but not totally surprised. He’d been having some interesting conversations with Stella recently, particularly since Ray had been in hospital and he felt he was really starting to see the real Stella. He knew she cared more about people than she liked to let on and he’d learnt a lot more about her besides. He couldn’t think of two better people to raise Sarah. He understood why Sarah was feeling like this though.

“How do you feel about it?” he asked, keeping his question deliberately vague.

Sarah didn’t answer immediately. “I...I don’t really know?” she replied eventually. “I mean, I’m...oh Fraser they’re offering me everything I ever dreamed of? Why aren’t I jumping at this chance? Now they must think I don’t want it? I do, I really do, but...I’m scared. They’re only saying it because they feel sorry for me aren’t they?”

“Sarah, I’ve known Ray for a long time and Stella too, I don’t believe that either of them would be suggesting this if they weren’t absolutely sure it was what they wanted,” Fraser explained.

“I don’t know if I can live up to Stella’s expectations?” Sarah whispered.

“You know, when I was growing up, my father wasn’t at home that often as I’ve already told you, so I was largely raised by my grandparents,” Fraser began, his mind drifting back to his own childhood, “and my grandmother in particular had some very strong ideas about how I should behave, about the things I should do and the direction my life should take. I know she argued with my father at times about it actually, but my father was grieving for my mother and he wasn’t really in a position to make rational choices for me.” Fraser stopped talking as he thought about that time in his life. He craved attention from the father he admired so much, but he faced constant rejection. He realised now that his father had simply not been able to cope with the death of his wife and he couldn’t help but feel a little guilty for the resentment he’d carried for his father for so long.

“But you did everything that was expected of you,” replied Sarah, “look at you, you’re a Mountie, just like your father was. I’m sure he was proud of you, even though maybe he couldn’t really tell you.”

Fraser was taken aback by her insight. He nodded slowly. “I somehow repressed the memories of my Mother’s death,” Fraser continued, he wasn’t sure if Sarah would be able to understand this, he wasn’t even sure if he could explain it very well, but he carried on, “but now I realise that and other traumatic events that have occurred during my lifetime are part of who I am. I would be a different person if it wasn’t for those situations that I’ve faced and I admit I haven’t faced all of them in the best possible way...” his mind drifted back to Victoria. Ray...I have to talk to Ray...

“I’m sorry you had to have anything like that happen to you,” Sarah tried to smile.

"Sarah, your mother loved living here, this was her home and she loved the people and her work, but you're not her," said Fraser. "I knew your mother well and I know that all she wanted for you was to be happy and to follow your dreams. If that means leaving Inuvik, then I know she would support your decision."

Sarah couldn't help a few more tears at Fraser's heartfelt words. Maybe the feeling that she was somehow betraying her mother was holding her back, she wasn't sure.

“It is my opinion that Stella and Ray will make excellent guardians,” Fraser said with a smile, “and they will be proud of you whatever you do. The only thing that Stella expects from you is to trust that everything she does for you will be in your best interests. She wishes to guide you into adulthood and somehow I don’t that that’s going to be too difficult. She knows a little of what you’re going through Sarah, she had many of the same thoughts and feelings as you at your age.”

“I guess I need to go talk to Stella and Ray,” Sarah thought about the things that Fraser had just said, “I want this so much...” her voice trailed off.

“Then I’ll walk with you,” smiled Fraser and the two of them headed back to Ray’s room. The door opened just as they got there and Helen walked out. Sarah smiled at her, but said nothing and walked into the room, closing the door behind her.

“Did she tell you?” Helen asked Fraser, stealing a quick kiss from her Mountie.

“Yes,” replied Fraser, glancing towards the closed door.

“Is she OK?” Helen was confused.

Fraser smiled. “Yes, at least I believe she will be.”


	15. Chapter 15

The funeral passed without a hitch. The RCMP laid on full honours for their fallen colleague and Sarah was so proud as everyone spoke about her mother in such high esteem. The songs that she had decided on were played at the service and then Fraser read a poem in Inuktitut that her mother had particularly liked. Ray Vecchio had persuaded Helen to let him out of hospital to attend the service, under the circumstances she’d found it difficult to say no but she’d insisted he stay in a wheelchair under her constant supervision the whole time. Sarah sat between Stella and Ray and held their hands tightly. She hadn’t slept at all the night before, the funeral had played on her mind of course, but mainly she was thinking about how she didn’t deserve to have the chance of a new life with Ray and Stella. They’d talked for hours at Ray’s hospital bedside yesterday and one thing Stella had said had stuck in her mind. “I don’t want to replace your mother,” Stella had said, “I only want to be your mentor...and your friend.” That had meant more to Sarah than she could ever admit to herself. He own mother had tried desperately to be her friend, she realised that now and yet Sarah had just pushed her further and further away. Now her mother was gone and she had a second chance to get it right. She knew she could be a great lawyer like Stella and help people get justice for all the terrible things that people did to each other in this world, just as Mr Bagshaw was going to pay for what he did to her mother, he was going to pay for the rest of his life. 

They stood at the graveside and Helen threw an extra blanket across Ray’s knees, earning a scowl from Ray and a giggle from Sarah. Fraser and Maggie solemnly led the pallbearers and Sarah forced herself to concentrate on the shiny buttons on Fraser’s uniform. She had to focus on something, she had to hold herself together, she wasn’t going to fall apart now. Maybe later, but not right now. Fraser presented her with the folded flag from her mother’s coffin and she managed to whisper, “Thank you.”

After it was all over and various Mounties that Sarah had never met in her life were drinking toast after toast to her mother, Sarah looked around her and that’s when it finally hit her. This was not her, this was not where she wanted to be. Two young Mounties were standing with drinks in their hand, beer probably Sarah guessed, but above their heads hung a moosehead fixed to a mahogany plinth and the two young men were looking at it admiringly. It turned her stomach and it turned her stomach even more that two guys who were only a few years older than her were so impressed by it and everything it represented. She closed her eyes and tried to imagine herself at Ashford College, wearing a smart uniform and living with a group of her peers. Everyone there would be like her, she realised, none of the girls would care about snowmobiles, or caribou or any of those dumb things that surrounded her life here in Inuvik. She would have a family, a real family and a home in Florida and it was all she’d ever wanted. She meant no disrespect to her Mother’s memory and she would love her forever, but now she knew she’d made the right decision.

xXx

Fraser carefully helped Ray back into his bed. “Now are you sure you didn’t get too cold today?” he asked, pulling up another blanket. “I must say I’m rather disappointed at the way you manipulated Helen into letting you attend.”

Ray grinned. “Oh come on Benny,” he said, “when have you ever been adverse to a little emotional manipulation?” Fraser opened his mouth to speak, but realised he couldn’t really argue. 

Fraser fussed a little more, plumping pillows and pouring Ray some water. He realised that they had a perfect opportunity now to have that talk that they’d been putting off for years. He caught Ray’s eye and saw that Ray was thinking the same. “Benny, leave those,” said Ray. “Look, we need to do this, we need to clear the air or something. I can’t stand it any more.”

Fraser nodded. “I’m not sure what I’m meant to say,” he admitted.

“Me neither,” replied Ray.

They both sighed.

“I’m sorry,” said Fraser, he thought that was a good a place as any to start. “I’m sorry for the things I did to you, I’m sorry that...Victoria...” he couldn’t say anything else.

“Oh Benny,” Ray shook his head, “you don’t have to say sorry? I should be the one apologising, I shot you, I thought I’d killed you. I...I have no idea what I’d have done if you’d...if you’d died that day.” Ray’s eyes stung with tears now. Not yet, he thought to himself, we’ve hardly said anything yet? “I would have given up my house if I could have saved you from her Benny.”

“You did save me Ray,” Fraser said solemnly, “I wanted to leave with her and I don’t think I can explain why, I just could think of nothing else at that moment but being with her forever. I was about to make the biggest mistake of my life Ray and you stopped me. Despite everything I’d done to you, I wasn’t even thinking about that, I didn’t care, I didn’t know who I was any more...I know you were trying to kill her and what happened was an accident, but... The Inuit have many theories about fate and such like, things happening for a reason, events that were meant to happen and so forth. I believe that what happened that day was one such event...” he trailed off and thought for a moment. “That’s why I can’t...”

“Why you can’t let go of that stupid bullet,” Ray finished his sentence and hung his head. “Ray was right. You think you have to punish yourself for the rest of your life, but you don’t, I wish none of it had never happened Benny but it did and we both made mistakes, we both could have done things differently, but you can’t spend your whole life looking back, you have to move forward. You didn’t go with her and now you’re here and you have the most wonderful woman who loves you, so why not do it for her?”

Fraser looked at his old friend in the eye. He knew deep inside that he was right, so why couldn’t he just make that decision? He was holding onto that bullet like it was the only thing keeping him alive, but really it was the only thing stopping him really living his life, a life free of the mistakes of his past. “Alright,” he said slowly, “I’ll discuss this with Helen. I admit I didn’t really listen to her before, I didn’t want to listen. I know I have to do this don’t I.” 

Ray nodded and smiled. Finally, they were getting somewhere.

“But you have to promise me something,” Fraser continued and Ray looked puzzled. “I want you to promise me that you will try to move on from your past too, you need to speak to someone about your time undercover Ray. I don’t know what you saw and what you had to do, but I know it...it affected you and there are people who can help you with that. You also have a woman who loves you and Stella doesn’t give away her heart easily. You need to seek help Ray, for her and now for Sarah. They both need you.”

"Welsh tried to get me to see a counsellor," Ray admitted. 

"I am aware of that," replied Fraser. Lieutenant Welsh had called him in a desperate attempt to get him to make his old friend see sense. Unfortunately Fraser had been too afraid of opening old wounds at that time that he had been able to say anything to Ray.

"I didn't see what good it would do," Ray continued.

"But...you do see now, don't you?" Fraser asked, gingerly. 

Ray nodded. "Kowalski, he did undercover, did he ever let it affect him like this?"

"The suggestion that one lets it happen, that it’s somehow your fault Ray, is inaccurate," Fraser pointed out, "but as for Ray, he was fortunate that he never had to undertake such a difficult mission as you...as far as I know." Fraser thought for a moment, "However," he continued, "I believe that Ray's real life has affected him more that he'll ever admit."

Ray nodded. There was definitely something about Kowalski, something...fragile. He'd realised that looking into the man's eyes as he lay on the cold dusty floor of Bagshaw's lock up unit and clung to life. Ray Kowalski would have done anything to keep him alive that day, if he'd failed...well Ray realised that the aftermath could possibly have been as devastating for Kowalski as it would have been for him. "I guess I should start being nice to Kow...to Ray now," Ray said, the merest hint of a glint in his eye.

"Well he did save your life Ray," Fraser pointed out.

"Yeah," agreed Ray, "I mean, I've taken enough bullets for you over the years Benny, but I never thought I'd have to take one for Ray Kowalski."

They both laughed, relishing the chance to lighten the mood for a minute. Then Ray’s face fell. “I will talk to someone Benny, for my family, for you and...for myself. I know if I don’t then...” he didn’t really want to finish that train of thought. “Maybe Helen could give me some advice?” he said and Fraser nodded in agreement. Of course he knew Benny was right, of course he had to face up to the things he’d been through. He took a deep breath. “I’m...I’m scared Benny.”

Fraser finally let tears fall, the first time he’d ever really done that in front of Ray and his voice cracked as he replied simply. “So am I.”

xXx

“Ray!” Maggie squealed and dropped the cheese grater on the kitchen floor. Maggie spun round and tried to look angry with him.

“Sorry babe,” Ray had crept up behind her and started nibbling her neck. He was feeling all weird, that was the best way he could describe it to himself and he thought perhaps Maggie could calm him down with a massage or that freaky thing she did with the back of a spoon across his forehead that made him feel like he was floating or something.

Maggie frowned. She knew when something was wrong. “What is it?” she asked.

Ray smiled and looked at the floor. She knew him so well. He didn’t really know how to express himself so instead he talked about something completely different. “Ray and the Stella moved into Sarah’s house with her this mornin’,” he said. The legal paperwork for becoming Sarah’s legal guardians was going to take a few weeks to process and in the meantime they couldn’t take her out of the country, so they’d decided to live temporarily in the house together as soon as Ray had been discharged from hospital.

“You shouldn’t call her that you know,” Maggie scolded, “it sounds rather derogatory.”

Ray laughed. “Hey, she’s The Stella,” he said, “there’s no one else like her. I just hope, er, Ray knows what he’s lettin’ himself in for.”

“I think he’s got a pretty good idea,” smiled Maggie, returning to grating carrots.

Ray couldn’t help but agree with her. Ray and Stella seemed perfect for each other and he couldn’t be happier for both of them. “I dropped in with some of her mum’s stuff from the station,” Ray continued, “and Sarah was wearin’ this really short skirt. Stella was goin’ nuts at her! I mean, it wasn’t that short...well I guess it kinda was...she’s gonna be such a strict mum...er, I mean legal guardian...y’know you should wear a skirt more often...” Ray drew her towards him and hugged her tightly. “I mean, er, pumpkin pants look good on ya babe, but they look good on Fraser too and yet I’ve never, er, had the urge to, er, help him take his off.” He ran his hands round to her buttocks and squeezed. “Fraser’s butt doesn’t look half as good as yours in pumpkin pants.”

“Ray,” Maggie laughed, “why are you talking about my brother’s buttocks?” 

“I wasn’t,” Ray grinned, “I was thinkin’ about yours, I was thinkin’ about sinkin’ my teeth into them...”

“You’re not going to bit me!” exclaimed Maggie.

“I was talkin’, er, metaphysically.”

“I think you mean metaphorically,” said Maggie.

“Yeah, that,” agreed Ray. “Y’know Frannie’s still talkin’ about goin’ to the Academy.”

“Ray what’s really wrong?” asked Maggie. She knew Ray wasn’t in this strange mood because of Stella and certainly not because of Francesca Vecchio.

Ray sighed. “Don’t know really,” he said, “well, I guess I kinda do...I read this leaflet at work today.”

“I already told you about reading too many leaflets,” Maggie returned to preparing dinner and Ray sat on the table with his feet on a chair. Maggie pretended she hadn’t noticed his blatant disregard for the furniture. “Remember when you were convinced you had diabetes?” Maggie shook her head as she remembered how Helen had agreed to test for the condition, even though she knew he didn’t have it, just to calm him down.

“Yeah, I know,” he sighed, “well this was about our options, y’know, if we can’t make babies by ourselves.”

“Ray...” Maggie began to protest, but Ray interrupted her.

“I don’t know any of this stuff,” he said, “it was, er, interestin’. Anyway, that IVF...”

“Ray we’re so far away from even having to think about IVF,” Maggie was getting upset with him now.

“No listen, just in case...” Ray wished she’d just listen to him, “I’m just sayin’, in case we do have to think about it, I just wanted to say that, er, I don’t think we should do that. I didn’t know ya had to do all that stuff to make it work, like take hormones and stuff, they screw with your body don’t they? I don’t want ya to do any of that.”

“And what if I want to?” asked Maggie a little indignantly, “don’t I get a say in any of this?”

“All I’m sayin’ babe is that...well I guess all this with Sarah has kinda made me think...” Ray was aware he wasn’t making a lot of sense. “I just think maybe we should look into adoption, that is if we can’t...” he couldn’t finish his sentence because Maggie was kissing him, deeply and passionately. He had to brace himself, or he’d have fallen backwards. “Woah,” he laughed, managing to break free long enough to speak. 

“I love you,” breathed Maggie. “We’ll have a family one way or another, the specifics are unimportant at this juncture. I think you are the most wonderful man and I don’t know what I ever did to deserve you.”

Ray laughed again, he didn’t deserve such high praise, he was just...his train of thought was interrupted again as Maggie began kissing him again. “I thought ya were cookin’?” he laughed and jumped off the table, taking her hand and dragging her back to the kitchen area. He lifted the lid and peered into one of the saucepans. “What is this anyway?” he asked, inhaling deeply. “Smells good,” he added. He knew Fraser would probably have been able to tell him exactly what was in it and the nutritional value of each of the ingredients, but his nose wasn’t quite so accurate.

“Stroganoff,” replied Maggie. “Benton gave me the recipe, it was our grandmother’s.”

“Say that again,” Ray’s breath hitched as he spoke.

“It was our grandmother’s,” repeated Maggie, slightly confused.

“No, not that,” Ray snapped. He hadn’t meant to snap at her, but he was suddenly feeling very frustrated. “What is it called, say that word again Mags.”

“Stroganoff?” Maggie was even more puzzled now. “Are you having hearing difficulties?”

“Nope,” Ray was breathing heavily now and he’d pulled her close to him again. “Say it again.”

“Stroganoff,” said Maggie, trying not to laugh. “What are you doing Ray?”

Ray thought he was making it quite obvious what he was doing. He began to kiss her neck, nibbling and sucking at her earlobes. “Again,” he whispered. He slipped her braces down over her shoulder and untucked her white undershirt from her waistband. Then he ran his hands up underneath and over her soft, warm skin. 

“Stroganoff,” Maggie was enjoying the sensation of his touch and the ridiculousness of having to repeatedly tell him what they were having for dinner was the only thing stopping her from completely throwing herself at Ray.

“God ya have no idea what that’s doin’ to me,” Ray lifted her shirt off over her head. Maybe it was the way she almost rolled the letter ‘r’, maybe it was the way he could see a tiny flash of her white teeth as she finished the word, he had no idea, but it was doing all sorts of things to him and he had to act on it, right now, this was desperate. He could barely contain himself.

“Are we...” Maggie started to speak, but in an instant Ray had unzipped those pumpkin pants he liked so much and pulled them down to her ankles. The he lifted her completely out of them, lifted her up and onto the kitchen counter. He couldn’t stop kissing her, every inch of bare skin he could find. She was wearing one of his favourite sets of lingerie, with just a hint of lace around the edges and he looped his fingers underneath the lace of her bra. She’d given up trying to speak now and was completely his, he could have done anything to her in that moment and she wouldn’t have cared. “I love you,” she breathed.

Maggie tugged at Ray’s green t-shirt and in an instant it was on the floor, quickly followed by his jeans. “Love ya too babe,” he replied in between kissing her and she wrapped her legs around his back. He fumbled with her bra, desperately trying to undo it before he exploded with anticipation and it took much longer than he’d hoped, but finally it joined the rest of their clothes on the floor. He pushed her back onto the counter, sending the pot of utensils crashing to the floor, but neither of them cared. They were going to do this right now, in the kitchen and nothing was going to stop them.


	16. Chapter 16

“Come in,” Helen stopped typing on her computer keyboard and smiled as Maggie walked into her office. “Hi Maggie,” she smiled, “have you just come from Sarah’s? Are they all packed and ready to go?” Finally the first of the legal paperwork was in place and Sarah was preparing to leave Canada to start her new life in Florida with Ray and Stella.

“Yes,” replied Maggie.

“If you’re looking for Ray he’s probably upstairs, there was a break in overnight again, he’s fuming,” Helen began.

“No, I wasn’t looking for Ray,” replied Maggie quietly. “I...I wanted to see you...I...”

Helen was instantly concerned. “What’s wrong?” She got up from her desk and walked over to Maggie, leading her by the arm to the sofa in the corner. “Are you ill?”

Maggie looked at her and tried to smile. “No,” she replied. Then she got up from the sofa, “I’m sorry Helen, I should probably just go to the pharmacy again...it’s just that Mrs Kennet is such a gossip and I’ve been in there the last three months in a row...”

Helen smiled and pulled her friend back down. “Stay there,” she said, getting up and crossing to a drawer. She came back with a small white packet in her hand. “How late are you?” she asked.

Maggie realised Helen knew exactly why she was here and breathed out slowly. “Just over two weeks,” she replied, “I don’t know though Helen, it’s been a difficult few weeks, maybe I’m just suffering the symptoms of anxiety?”

“Or maybe you’re pregnant?” smiled Helen, passing the packet to her. “It’s just the same as the ones you buy except it’s in plain packaging,” she explained, “one line is negative, two blue lines is a positive result.”

Maggie nodded and smiled nervously.

“There’s a ladies room down the hall,” added Helen, she was possibly more excited than she should have been, but professionalism had gone out of the window.

“Now?” Maggie clutched at the pregnancy test. Helen just shrugged and smiled again. Maggie took a deep breath and walked out of Helen’s office.

Helen returned to her desk and tried to finish the work she was doing but she couldn’t concentrate. A few minutes later the door opened again and Maggie walked back in. Helen couldn’t immediately tell from her face whether she had good or bad news. She was so much like her brother, she didn’t let her emotions show if she could help it. Helen waited, she didn’t want to push her friend if it was bad news. She knew that Ray and Maggie had been desperate for a baby and Helen wasn’t sure how Ray was going to cope if another month had gone by without success. Finally, after what seemed like forever, Maggie’s face slowly began to slide into a smile.

Helen almost gasped with joy. She picked up the phone on her desk. “Hello Security? Yes it’s Dr Morrell, could someone please locate Ray Kowalski and send him up to my office.”

xXx

“Don’t worry, we’ll find it and send it on to you,” Fraser was piling the trolley at the airport with case after case of Sarah’s belongings. She’d already realised that she’d left something important at the house, but the house had to be completely emptied anyway before the RCMP would rent it to anyone else and Fraser and Ray had offered to do that over the next couple of weeks, so there were going to be a few crates of things to be flown south.

Fraser was concerned that the small plane was going to be overloaded although Ray and Stella had chartered a much better aircraft that the one they’d flown up in, it was still small. Stella freely admitted that she was going to feel much happier once they’d transferred onto the large commercial airliner that was going to fly them out of Calgary and back to Florida. 

“Ray, where is the camera?” snapped Stella, rummaging through her bag.

“Here,” grinned Ray, handing it to her. She scowled at him and snatched it out of his hand. Ray glanced at the other Ray and they both rolled their eyes and shook their heads. “Are we ready now? We don’t want to miss our connecting flight.” He turned to Fraser. “I guess we’ll be back for the trial,” he said.

“Indeed, your testimony will be invaluable,” replied Fraser.

“You know you and Helen have an open invitation to come visit us in Florida, Benny,” smiled Ray, “isn’t that right Stella...but I guess that’ll have to wait until after the surgery now?”

Fraser tried to smile. “That is if I proceed with the surgery,” he pointed out, “I haven’t even met the specialist yet.”

Ray grinned. “Yeah OK Benny, I know, but maybe if this guy can’t do it there might be someone else?”

Fraser laughed, he admired Ray’s persistence and he nodded. “Ray, I promised you and I promised Helen, I will do everything I can to make it happen,” then his face became serious, “and I do not intend to break my promises.”

“Benny...” Ray began, he was about to try to say something else, to explain how he felt, but at that moment words suddenly didn’t seem important. He threw his arms around his slightly startled old friend and hugged him tightly. Eventually Fraser relaxed enough to slap him affectionately on the back.

“We must endeavour to spend more time together,” said Fraser. “Distance should not be allowed to affect our friendship.”

“Couldn’t agree more,” replied Ray. “Where’s Ray? Oh there he is.” Ray waved at the other Ray who was standing some distance away with Helen and Maggie and they seemed to be deep in conversation. Ray Kowalski saw the gesture and waved back and the three of them walked back to join the others.

“You’re finally goin’ then,” Ray grinned, “can’t say I haven’t been countin’ down the days.”

“I’ll be glad to see the back of you too Kowalski,” he replied.

Fraser’s face fell. “But...but I thought you two...”

“Relax buddy!” exclaimed Ray Kowalski, “we’re kiddin’ around. Jeez.”

The other Ray laughed too. “Yeah, we’re best pals now, The Two Rays, we could make movies together, like the Coen Brothers or something.”

“They make really freaky movies Vecchio,” Ray pointed out.

“True,” admitted the other Ray, “well I guess in that case we’ll just stick to what we do best. If you ever want a change of scenery though, maybe you and Maggie could come visit? Maybe help me out with a few cases?”

Ray Kowalski smiled. “Yeah sure, I’ll come down and help ya, er, spy on cheatin’ husbands and stuff.” The other Ray scowled at him, he hoped his new private eye venture would be more exciting than that. “If , er, that’s OK with you Stell?” Ray added somewhat nervously.

Stella shook her head in disbelief. After everything they’d been through he still had to work on his self esteem. “Of course,” she said and surprised him with a hug.

Stella released him and before he had a chance to catch his breath, the other Ray was hugging him too. “Listen,” Ray Vecchio spoke quietly in his ear, “I don’t think I ever thanked you properly...for saving my life I mean.”

“Don’t worry buddy,” replied Ray Kowalski, “just take good care of Stella for me, if ya ever break her heart, I’ll, er, I’ll be on the next plane and I’ll come kick ya in the head.” 

Ray realised the other man was being deadly serious and nodded as they broke apart.

“Where is Sarah?” asked Stella suddenly. Everyone looked around for her but they couldn’t see her. “Oh no,” Stella started to panic, “she’s changed her mind again hasn’t she.”

“Relax,” smiled Helen, “she mentioned something about buying candy, maybe she’s gone to find a vending machine?”

Dief barked. “Yes but do you have her scent or simply the scent of chocolate?” Fraser enquired. “Well if you’re sure...Diefenbaker and I will locate her, you should probably start checking in some of your luggage.

Fraser followed Dief around the corner, past a busker playing the drums and towards the entrance lobby. Just as Helen had suggested, they found Sarah clutching two bars of chocolate, but Fraser was immediately concerned by the way she was acting. She was standing in a quiet corner, away from the groups of hunting parties and other tourists who were making the airport busy and she appeared to be staring at the wall. Fraser walked over to her. “Sarah?” he asked, not wishing to startle her.

Sarah didn’t move. Fraser tried saying her name again and this time she acknowledged his presence. “Fraser,” she whispered, “can you see her?”

Fraser had no idea what she was talking about. “Who?” he asked. “If you mean Stella I believe she and Ray are...”

“No,” Sarah interrupted him, still keeping her voice quiet, “Mum.”

It took Fraser a few seconds to process the information. Then it dawned on him. He’d never really thought about whether other people saw ghosts before, he’d been haunted...if that was the right word...by the ghost of his father while he was living in Chicago and at times he’d thought perhaps it was all in his head until he realised that Buck Frobisher and Maggie could also see him. It had never occurred to him that other people might be in the same situation. He realised that poor Sarah must be terrified. “No Sarah, I can’t see her,” he began gently, “but as I understand it one has to be a close relative or friend.”

Sarah broke her stare and looked at him in disbelief. “What?” she couldn’t understand why he hadn’t told her she was imagining things, she assumed she’d gone completely crazy, but apparently this was completely normal. 

“Sarah, my father used to visit me...after his death,” Fraser tried to explain. He hoped that Alison’s visits to her daughter were going to be less irritating that his father’s had been. He turned to look at the wall. “Constable,” he spoke apparently to thin air, “I imagine this is somewhat confusing for you, as it is for Sarah, but please trust me when I tell you that, once you both become accustomed to the idea, the whole situation will be most...” he thought hard for an appropriate word, finally settling on, “comforting.” 

“She’s gone,” Sarah gasped. 

“Don’t worry, I’m sure she will return, if you want her to,” smiled Fraser.

“Will I be able to see her in Florida?” asked Sarah. She had no idea what was going on, she really thought she was going to wake up soon and find this had been a silly dream.

“I don’t see why not,” replied Fraser, “my father was able to follow me around just about everywhere.” He sighed. He missed his father’s visits terribly now, although at the time he remembered his father having the uncanny ability to pop up at some very awkward moments.

Sarah nodded. “I guess I have a plane to catch,” she said quietly, glancing briefly back over her shoulder towards the wall.

xXx

“Y’know buddy, I think I’m actually gonna miss them,” Ray Kowalski smiled as they walked back to the car. Fraser couldn’t have agreed more. “D’ya think Stella and Ray are gonna make it work with Sarah?” asked Ray.

“I believe so,” replied Fraser.

“Gotta feel sorry for Vecchio though,” grinned Ray, “livin’ with The Stella and The Mini-Stella I mean.”

They all laughed at that, it was a very accurate observation.

“Kinda weird that we’re both gonna be dads,” Ray continued, “so it’s just you left now buddy. When are ya gonna make a Mini-Fraser?”

“Good heavens Ray,” Fraser was slightly taken aback. He looked at Helen who was smiling.

“One day,” Helen replied, slipping her hand into Fraser’s and Fraser smiled.

“Thank you for keeping quiet about it Benton,” said Maggie, “only you and Helen know so far and we’d like to keep it that way for a few more weeks if that’s alright.”

“Of course, I understand,” replied Fraser.

“My folks are gonna be unbearable,” Ray shook his head. He’d dreamed about telling his parents for months. He’d rehearsed what he was going to say and he’d gone over all the possible scenarios in his head, the one where they jump for joy and hug the life out of him and the one where they tell him he’s making a huge mistake and he’ll make a terrible father and he was prepared for either of those, or anything in between. He looked at Maggie and squeezed her hand. He didn’t care what anyone else thought anyway, he was the happiest man alive today and he wasn’t going to let anyone spoil that.

Fraser and Ray opened the back doors of the car and the girls climbed in. “They will make excellent grandparents, as you and Maggie will make excellent parents,” Fraser noted.

Ray shrugged. He knew Maggie was going to be the best Mum ever, he wasn’t so sure about his own parenting skills. “Well I figure if Vecchio can do it then so can I,” he laughed. “Y’know, we talked a little the other day about, er, goin’ undercover,” said Ray, walking towards the driver’s door. 

“You did?” Fraser was quite surprised.

“Yeah,” replied Ray, “I think he, er, kinda went through hell.”

“Sadly I believe you are correct Ray,” sighed Fraser.

“He also told me ya promised him you were gonna get that surgery,” Ray added gingerly. He knew that subject was very delicate with his buddy. “I said I’d make sure ya did.”

“Good lord,” Fraser threw his hands in the air in mock despair, “I didn’t realise you two were in cahoots now?”

“Nah, I’m definitely straight,” replied Ray. Fraser opened his mouth to explain when he saw the twinkle in his friend’s eye. “So you’re not gonna let your two best buddies down are ya?”

Fraser sighed. “I think I preferred it when the two of you didn’t like each other,” he said.

“Hey ya don’t really mean that do ya?” queried Ray.

Fraser broke into the broadest grin Ray had ever seen. “No Ray my friend, I don’t mean that at all.”

 

THE END


End file.
